To stick my nose in with harassed mum hitting toddler

[RosyPrimroseface]

In the road the other day my DS was on my shoulders and he suddenly said "Why that mummy hitting girl?" I turned and saw a woman across the road slapping a girl (aged about 3).

It wasn't very hard but the girl obvs was crying a lot. And as DS noticed first, she had evidently hit her more than once, as i saw one and he the other.

I called across "Did you just hit her?!" in a voice which was definitely judgemental. And posh and annoying i expect. She said "I gave her hand a tap!"

I said "That's not good. It's not ideal."

Now. I was twatty and irritating. I didn't make life easier for the girl; as her mum then was even grumpier. Nor the mum, who was angry and gave me a bit of abuse, naturally. I don't think I should have commented.

But - I don't think it's ever ok to hit children, and maybe if there's more reaction from bystanders it will become generally less acceptable??

Or am i just a busybody? Interested to see balance of views.

Nope not all just pointing out that never ever having not tapped or smacked doesn't by default make you a better parent.

I think the point is that it is better not to hit a child. Of course there are thousands of other things you can get wrong as a parent and we all do some of them from time to time. That said, while accepting that we'll all make mistakes and react badly in the heat of the moment, it's a good thing to have some lines you never ever cross. Hitting is such a line for me.

A tap is a light blow,a smack is a sharp slap. They are very different. Yes a tap can escalate( which is why I discipline in other ways) but so can shouting,dragging,threatening etc.

Lucky you not to have witnessed any of the above. I've heard "get here now" in quite sinister threatening tones just to get a child back to a buggy in a supermarket aisle several times. I've heard shouting that would upset me,seen kids dragged so fast they can barely keep up etc. All of it very easy to escalate into very questionable behaviour.

Another who was smacked about in childhood (I have since forgiven my mum, for she had terrible PND and no help for it, and she’s a changed person) and I will absolutely speak up if I see a grown-up being abusive to a child.

I have a foul temper, but I take magnesium and get rid of all my tension at the gym, and do not ever take it out on my children.

Hasn’t a celebrity mother just had two children removed by social services for pulling her young son’s hair. Abuse should be reported

Pulling hair is not the same as a smacked hand.

*Is it?

Don't think I've ever seen a child being hit,seen plenty of dogs getting hit*

Yes. Start a thread saying you witnessed someone hitting their dog and see how many people try to defend it by making excuses for the owner having been pushed by the dog not doing what it's told and so on.

Yes very unreasonable. Smacking your own children is a personal choice, it is not illegal and so you should not have interfered.

I do think people have forgotten that it isn’t illegal.
It’s definitely not for my family, but I don’t see what good the op did by behaving as she did.

My DC sometimes got a smack. Can not stand the line ‘if that happens in public imagine what happens at home!’ In answer... exactly the same happens at home, because I do not believe different consequences should happen dependant on circumstance. Consistency is needed with children. It is a controlled discipline. If I ever lose my temper I isolate the child and walk away for however long I need.

They’ve had a smack in front of police officers also, so I’m sure if what I was doing was abuse.. I’d have been pulled up on it. I’ve also discussed my parenting style with school and other authorities. I know I’m not abusing my DC and I’m happy to defend my patenting choices. I’m not ashamed so I don’t need to hide anything.

I’d rather do things my way than sound like the screaming banshees you often get at school pick up/drop off.. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I hate this trend that calls hitting, 'tapping' as

1. own it if you do it.
2. Those if us that use actual tapping will be lumped in with you.

dadshere
Its not as simple as it is not illegal. It is illegal but parents can rely on the "reasonable punishment" defence. However, reasonable punishment is not defined so excessive force, repeated hitting, using a stick or belt etc. may not be considered reasonable in the circumstances and could result in being charged.

Additionally, Scotland and Wales are looking to remove the "reasonable punishment" defence.

To me, tapping is touching - draws attention.
Smacking is felt momentarily. No smarting and no mark. Shock more than pain.
Hitting hurts and leaves a mark.

YANBU. Smacking may be legal but it's morally vile. And it's bullying. I can never understand why children are the only people in society who are not protected in law from physical violence. Good for you for saying something.

Tapping ,smacking, hitting, all of it completely backwards parenting.
People need to learn to keep their hands to themselves!

Some ridiculous hysteria on here.

You do realise that bullying is intimidation. And intimidation can come in many forms.

Frankly I think shrieking and threatening can be worse.

No no hysteria at all, just you minimising smacking children.

What I also find strange is how you believe people either smack or scream.
If you smack your kids you have no self control you are also more likely to scream at your kids as again you have no self control.

Nope not minimising having an open discussion.

Nope think I made it pretty clear that shouting can escalate,so can tapping,threatening and moving children.

I just don't think those that don't smack are by default better at disciplining. I sometimes think some parents think they don't smack so a lot of other stuff is ok when I'm not sure it is.

Tapping is a to get attention. I tap my husband when I realise we’ve forgot to lift kitchen paper and we are already in the checkout queue.

I smack his hand when he tries to steal my chips .

I’ve never hit him, I’m not abusive.

I can remember running as fast as I could as a child trying to get away from being smacked I was so frightened, I would get to the front door but never be able to open it until I was caught up with and smacked really hard repeatedly, I can tell you I would have given anything to have a raised voice than being so scared and crying from the pain and the coldness of no show or care from my Parent after what she did.
I actually think I am a much better parent than my Mum being that I dont hit, because I think if you hit your kids you cant care about their feelings. I couldnt imagine hitting my kids. I love them far too much.

Ah...here we go. I don’t love my kids because I choose a different method of discipline.

Do you hit your kids @Notasgreen?

Let's get this clear smacking isn't illegal when it's reasonable punishment end of.

OP it was none of your business YABU

To those very nieve people saying behaviour is better nowadays I suggest you come and work in a school for a week 👍