To stick my nose in with harassed mum hitting toddler

[RosyPrimroseface]

In the road the other day my DS was on my shoulders and he suddenly said "Why that mummy hitting girl?" I turned and saw a woman across the road slapping a girl (aged about 3).

It wasn't very hard but the girl obvs was crying a lot. And as DS noticed first, she had evidently hit her more than once, as i saw one and he the other.

I called across "Did you just hit her?!" in a voice which was definitely judgemental. And posh and annoying i expect. She said "I gave her hand a tap!"

I said "That's not good. It's not ideal."

Now. I was twatty and irritating. I didn't make life easier for the girl; as her mum then was even grumpier. Nor the mum, who was angry and gave me a bit of abuse, naturally. I don't think I should have commented.

But - I don't think it's ever ok to hit children, and maybe if there's more reaction from bystanders it will become generally less acceptable??

Or am i just a busybody? Interested to see balance of views.

@prettylovely as explained previously, I do.

Just read your post...
And I stand by what I say I dont think you care about your kids feelings for doing it.
There are other ways of disciplining children.
I have four very well behaved children they are not smacked or screamed at it can be done very easily.

Typhers yes, when I was at school the rude, naughty kids where the exception. Now my daughter gets regularly commended on her (depressingly average) good manners.

Purplelila
That is not correct.

Smacking a child is unlawful. Reasonable punishment is a defence. In Scotland and Wales they are planning to remove that defence. I wouldn’t be surprised if England follows as we are an outlier in Europe on this topic.

I can never understand why children are the only people in society who are not protected in law from physical violence

Very well written.

"I can never understand why children are the only people in society who are not protected in law from physical violence"

Agree, Its so sad.

" I can never understand why children are the only people in society who are not protected in law from physical violence"

They are, but they can be reasonably chastised because children can't be given full autonomy.

I don't believe in smacking. But it is ingrained in may cultures and we will fill the courts with cases against Parents, who are difficult to punish without punishing the child.

When I ran positive Parenting Courses in the Children's Center, we always had full attendance and that was breaking the chain of poor Parenting, but the budget has gone for them.

OP, from the sound of it, it wasn't necessary to intervene.

SheerKhan , as said, I ran Positive Parenting classes and Parents often smack because they don't know another way to handle the situation.

Others smack out of frustration, tiredness, temper, sometimes because they have their own issues.

Nothing to do with the child's behaviour.

Sheerkhan, I actually have you know that I was a VERY quiet well behaved child.
Even my mother would tell you that.
To tell me I deserved it says alot about your disturbed mind in your support of child abuse. Sickening. You should really see someone about that...

"Never ever ever hit them! Shout/scream/walk away but never ever hit."

As said, I don't agree with smacking, but shouting and screaming can get to abusive levels.

Sheerkhan that's a horrible thing to say. To say a child "deserves it" is shocking.

@prettylovely

Just read your post...
And I stand by what I say I dont think you care about your kids feelings for doing it.
There are other ways of disciplining children.
I have four very well behaved children they are not smacked or screamed at it can be done very easily.

Well behaved by your standards... I know a lot of parents of little shits who think that too though. I also have very well behaved children, with strangers and family/friends often commenting on their behaviour in a positive manner.. but you have no idea if I’m lying or not, so you see my point..?

The fact that you are stating that I don’t care about my kids just shows what a ignorant fool you are.

You do you, don’t interfere and judge on a different but perfectly legitimate style of parenting that you don’t understand.

I was smacked for the following reasons:

1. Ran away (unprovoked) up 3 or 4 flights of stairs in a busy shopping centre up to an equally busy car park.

1. Ran out into a road with an oncoming car.

1. Spun the rotary clothes dryer really hard and fast as my Mum stood up straight from her laundry basket. The dryer smacked her really hard on the back of the head, and she had a headache for several days.

I honestly believe that each time I was smacked, it was completely necessary, and I’m glad that I was disciplined in this way.

I’ve always felt loved and very secure, and was a well behaved child aside from the incidents above, which I never tried again.

I do not remember being smacked, or any pain or trauma. I asked my parents if I’d ever been smacked, and the information I’ve provided above is what they gave.

In my opinion, sometimes a smack followed by an explanation and an apology when both sides are calmer is the most appropriate thing. This is different to a ‘beating,’ or hitting with any kind of instrument other than the hand - those are highly abusive.

What a horrible thing to say Sheer. No child deserves to be hurt.

The moral high ground is the easy option. That woman was obviously at the end of her rope and I would want to know why.

Some of the most abusive people I know always behaved impeccably in public, whereas a parent risking public opprobrium (90% of the people on here think smacking is never justified) to tap or whatever is clearly struggling.

Shouldn’t the question be how we help those parents? The cheap judgment is easy.

I don’t smack, but I wouldn’t want it banned for some feel good reason because it’ll create a whole lot of nuisance cases and firstly we can’t adequately protect kids suffering worse abuse, and secondly you need to look at the causes of desperation.

SheerKhan
I must have been awful. After all my DDad smacked me across the face hard enough to give me a nose bleed on the way to primary school

I agree about screaming too, it depends on the level of it, but no happy parent screams constantly. Similarly you see threads on here about mums emotionally abusing their dc, probably done in hushed voices and not a smack in sight.

So, really, there’s a basket of desperate and bad parenting, what support to they have access to? Not much.

@notasgreen I actually get teachers telling me what well behaved children I have, I tend to believe them as they have no reason to butter me up and spend alot of time with my children.
One last thing, for your kids sake please stop hitting them.

Sheerkhan, I will leave it there with you as I dont think you are mentally sound, please reach out for some help.

PrettyLovely no thanks I don't need help, I am pretty fine, but thanks for your concern.

Studies show teens are better behaved and less violent today than in previous generations - it's a generalisation, it doesn't mean that all teenagers are perfectly behaved.

School behaviour is a different issue with different pressures - besides - you cannot compare your own experiences at school with your experiences as a teacher because you see a completely different perspective! There are many issues affecting school behaviour today not limited to but including prevalence of technology, badly implemented policies of inclusion/closing special schools, funding, curriculum changes, discouragement of expulsion policies, etc. But I'd also be surprised if any teachers from previous generations reported that schoolchildren were universally better behaved back in their day. In fact there was a thread just recently where people recounted awful bullying and things they witnessed at school which (hopefully) wouldn't be tolerated today.

I do think that some things like screaming and dragging kids around are just as abusive and just as much a loss of control as smacking is. I don't think that makes smacking any more acceptable, though.