Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

To stick my nose in with harassed mum hitting toddler

230 replies

RosyPrimroseface · 11/07/2018 14:05

In the road the other day my DS was on my shoulders and he suddenly said "Why that mummy hitting girl?" I turned and saw a woman across the road slapping a girl (aged about 3).

It wasn't very hard but the girl obvs was crying a lot. And as DS noticed first, she had evidently hit her more than once, as i saw one and he the other.

I called across "Did you just hit her?!" in a voice which was definitely judgemental. And posh and annoying i expect. She said "I gave her hand a tap!"

I said "That's not good. It's not ideal."

Now. I was twatty and irritating. I didn't make life easier for the girl; as her mum then was even grumpier. Nor the mum, who was angry and gave me a bit of abuse, naturally. I don't think I should have commented.

But - I don't think it's ever ok to hit children, and maybe if there's more reaction from bystanders it will become generally less acceptable??

Or am i just a busybody? Interested to see balance of views.

OP posts:

upsideup · 11/07/2018 14:46

Is it possible that the kid wasn’t listening and nearly got hit by a car so mum tapped her out of panic? So judgemental it’s unreal

Yeah, I do judge child abusers and I do judge people who minimise and make exuses for people who hit their children.
She did it repeatedly and the child was crying, the Op would have noticed and mentioned if the girl was was in the middle of the road and a car had to do an emergency stop to avoid hitting her, the abusive mother also would have explained she was nearly hit by car.
Thats not what happened.

Typhers · 11/07/2018 14:46

You where in the wrong, how an adult chooses to chastise or punish their child is none of your business.

Whether you personally believe in it is irrelevant, they are not your child.

ChelleDawg2020 · 11/07/2018 14:48

I think you were wrong to interfere. As long as a parent isn't causing actual physical harm to their child, it's their choice how they discipline them. A 3yo crying isn't automatically a sign of abuse, it's a sign that they are upset they are being told off and not getting their own way.

upsideup · 11/07/2018 14:49

You where in the wrong, how an adult chooses to chastise or punish their child is none of your business.

What if i chose to lock mine in the basement for days without food when their naughty? Or hit them with a metal bat instead of my hand?
Or sexually abuse them instead of physically abuse them?

Isawthelight · 11/07/2018 14:50

To stick my nose in with harassed mum hitting toddler

She said "I gave her hand a tap!"

There's a huge difference between hitting and a tap, which one was it?

Typhers · 11/07/2018 14:56

Upsideup, what a ridiculous argument... what the Op described is perfectly legal, your rather odd example is not.

Trinity66 · 11/07/2018 14:56

You where in the wrong, how an adult chooses to chastise or punish their child is none of your business.

Whether you personally believe in it is irrelevant, they are not your child.

I don't know which country you or the OP are in but here(Ireland) hitting children is illegal so in actual fact what would be irrelevant would be what the woman hitting the childs beliefs were

pumpkinpie01 · 11/07/2018 14:57

My mum has always said 'If you can hit a child in public what is going on behind closed doors ?' . I would have had to say something, using her strength to hurt a child is wrong. There are other methods. My ds was kicking me hard at bedtime last night and being a total brat, I got to admit I really felt like smacking him but stopped myself as that wouldnt really have made my behaviour any better than his and Im the adult trying to set an example about whats right and wrong !

LalaLeona · 11/07/2018 15:01

I would have done the same. Sorry but if it makes the mum stop and think about what she's doing then it's worth it. I once saw a mum screaming shut up you fucking bitch in her crying toddlers face in the middle of a shop. I couldn't help it I had to say that it was disgusting to speak to her like that. Might not have done any good but bullies shouldn't be allowed to get away with this sort of behaviour.

SouthWestmom · 11/07/2018 15:02

Well it's not illegal so essentially you're imposing your parenting views on someone else. Who won't have your background, beliefs, strengths and weaknesses.

No moral high ground for you there op.

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 11/07/2018 15:03

You say that the slap wasn't very hard therefore what the woman did is not actually illegal. As the law stands she's within her rights to smack.

The sooner physical punishment is banned altogether the better. In the meantime, it's none of your business.

Trinity66 · 11/07/2018 15:17

Well it's not illegal so essentially you're imposing your parenting views on someone else. Who won't have your background, beliefs, strengths and weaknesses.

No moral high ground for you there op.

Depends which country she's in, the UK is one of the only ones in the EU that still allows a parent to do that to their kids actually just reading an article from last year saying that Scotland and wales were amending their law to take away the right from parents to hit their children too, so maybe only England now rather than the UK?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 11/07/2018 15:18

A difficult situation if you don't know all the facts, but see it happening in front of you. It may sound and feel like busybodyness or interfering but If they realise that others don't agree with it, it might give them pause for thought, might make them think of another way of dealing with it. It might be that they are so upset/angry that they don't realise they are going too far and the interruption helps distract or helps them realise what they are doing.
One person has asked what do you Saints do? Its a good thing to think about it and think of other ways of resolving it.

SouthWestmom · 11/07/2018 15:18

Well I'm assuming in 'busybody' mode op would have added about the illegality when reprimanding the parent.

hedgebackwards · 11/07/2018 15:26

If she treats the poor little child like that in public, I dread to think what happens in private.

Nanny0gg · 11/07/2018 15:30

Not condoning hitting, but If you're hitting your children then that's the reason they are pushing all your buttons, they won't end up liking or respecting you.
Isn't true. Or no one of my generation would be speaking to their parents.

fleshmarketclose · 11/07/2018 15:34

My dd was around three when she saw a mother slap her child. She rushed straight over wagging her finger and said " Naughty Mumma smack a little girl. You need five minutes to think about what you have done and now say sorry". The mother did actually apologise albeit with a beetroot face. I was pretty impressed by dd if I'm honest.

missyB1 · 11/07/2018 15:35

I think the more people call this sort of thing out the better. Unfortunately in England kids aren’t protected by law from physical punishment (to our shame as far as I’m concerned), but at least we make it something that is seen as unacceptable .

pullingknots · 11/07/2018 15:36

I don't hit mine either and so am now confidently anticipating my imminent canonisation.

As MerryGoat says, I get irritated by all sorts of people without assaulting them, so it's relatively easy to avoid doing it to somebody that I love and protect.

Original poster

RosyPrimroseface · 11/07/2018 15:38

Yeah, I'm in England. I wanted to say it's illegal but knew sadly it isn't. I knew immediately I didn't have the moral high ground. I reacted in anger the same way she did, tbh.

Was it a tap or a hit? I was on the other side of the road. I saw her hand go up as I turned round, but it happened fast and far away. My inclination is it was more than a tap but wasn't a massive wallop l. I was more concerned she did it twice. DS is only 2 and was sitting on my shoulders and obviously the first one was enough for him to notice - which is a bit weird as he is so young.

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 11/07/2018 15:42

I smacked my children (not often but for various things) when they were little. It wouldnt have bothered me if you'd challenged me - if I was ashamed of it, or thought it was the wrong thing to do I wouldn't have done it.

Trinity66 · 11/07/2018 15:43

Yeah, I'm in England. I wanted to say it's illegal but knew sadly it isn't. I knew immediately I didn't have the moral high ground. I reacted in anger the same way she did, tbh.

I disagree, something doesn't have to be illegal for it to be immoral, again I don't understand how people can justify putting their hands on a little person but say it's wrong to hit an adult or a child who isn't theirs. It makes no sense to me at all

LalaLeona · 11/07/2018 15:46

I think there's a clear difference between somebody giving a quick tap on the hand and someone aggressively smacking or screaming at their child. Some posters seem to be deliberately misunderstanding that.

rosesandflowers1 · 11/07/2018 15:47

I do think that violence is the worst way to discipline a child. It just doesn't work when it comes to curbing bad behaviour unless you're willing to do it to the point where they're terrified - and gives the poor children a terrible perception of the world besides My nana used to say "six demons out, six demons in."

Original poster

RosyPrimroseface · 11/07/2018 15:48

I agree Leona, that's why I'm not sure if IABU - it's legal, but, I feel immoral; yet wasn't a clear case of child abuse just a rather distasteful poor parenting decision.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10