AIBU to ask my MIL not to drink tea

[KittyKat73]

AIBU to ask my MIL not to drink tea when she is holding my baby?

I thought this seemed like a reasonable request but every single time she seems him she trys to hold him and drink a cup of tea. every single time I ask her not to incase she spills some by mistake or he knocks it out her hand by accident.

My baby is now 5 months but she has done this ever since he was born and last time I saw her she made a snidey remark about me being too precious to let her have tea and hold him. She has 2 other grandchildren who are older (aged 1 and 4) so im guessing by her reaction to me she used to drink tea and hold them all the time.

I just dont think its worth the risk but being made to feel like im being ridiculous and actually anxious when we see her because i know she will attempt to try and do it even though every single time I ask her not to.

My hubby and his brother were both scalded badly by their dad's tea habit - 15 cups a day with sugar in it and when my daughter was born he was told loudly not to come near her or me when he has a cup. She nearly was burned and I ripped him a new one for being such a bloody idiot.

She's now 3 and I still don't trust him and won't with the wee man due in 3 weeks time.

yeah your right i need to be more firm and not care if it comes across as harsh. I have never let her drink tea while holding DS and its almost as if shes waiting for me to not notice and do it so she can go HAHA I GOT MY WAY.

we might need her to babysit when i go back to work next year but i honestly feel sick thinking about it. hoping she has more common sense by then or actually listens. if not then we will need to look at other arrangements. its never worth putting DS at risk.

It’s reLly great that you remind her every time. I like your assertiveness. Friend of mine at 52 still has scars from having a drinkable temperature cup of coffee dropped down his neck at 6 months. Had to have skin grafts at 14 because the scar tissue could not grow, several general anaesthetics.
Yanbu.

Let her drink tea...but put it in a non-spill kids beaker.

This is why mums always have cold tea! My daughter has a radar that goes off whenever I sit down with a brew! As minute as my bum touches the sofa she will start crying! And then it’s cuddles, feed or bum change until she falls asleep. During that time I don’t touch the tea, usually picking it up 45 minutes later when it’s gone cold!

I drink tea and hold babies.

She sounds like a complete idiot with zero common sense.

My MIL is so bad with hot drinks near my 1 year old and it stresses me out.

YANBU and you are doing the right thing. Correct her every, single time.

my son poured my mothers hot tea all over him when he was 1 years old. but she refused to stop drinking it whilst he was there. so I stopped going. yanbu

Sugar is amazing

You are a jerk then.

My dad was like this with his friend’s baby and was very snidey about it - “I’ve got three kids of my own and managed not to spill on them”.

Well, yes, but would it kill you to indulge a first time parent? I mean, I drank coffee while holding my own babies but had I been asked not to when holding someone else’s baby I would have stopped. No hardship for me and stops ill feeling later.

Although having posted this before reading some of the comments I suspect there are millions of babies who have not had got drinks spilled on them, just like there are millions of babies who haven’t been dropped down the stairs

I'm glad I stumbled across this thread as I'll be totally honest and say I've drank tea while holding my baby. And now I realize what an incredibly stupid and risky thing that is to do and won't ever do it again. All this chat of scalded babies has made me feel ill.

my colleague recently resigned.

her nearly 3 year old was burnt tipping a cup of tea over herself at Christmas. They are still in the throes of hospital stays and skin grafts, and she has found it too much to try and hold down a job as well.

Get her iced tea. She is very passive aggressive and snide.

@SugarIsAmazing and @DianaPrincessOfThemyscira well you are both fucking stupid and lax then aren't you!

@Snipples , well all's well that ends well and you've now realised before any harm was done!

I wouldn't leave your child alone with someone who clearly takes risks with your child's safety and doesn't respect your choices.

@Clubcuts or maybe we know how to risk assess? Maybe we still drink coffee and tea but allow it to cool to not scalding temps? Maybe we’ll drink a hot drink only when sitting down holding baby and make sure we lean well out? Maybe we used lidded cups like the ones you buy at Costa - they’ve been advertised and asked about enough on here!

And FYI you’re fucking rude and have no imagination.

None of those risk assessments are risk free, particularly the sitting down one.

Why risk your child's safety?

So hard to understand why she can’t skip her tea for the sake of safety! As others have said my new rule would be to only serve lukewarm tea, and I would also look up statistics of baby burns to back up my request (and of course all mothers of babies have heaps of time for that!)

Those 'precious' remarks! This person is going to create trouble for you, she is self centred and being manipulative. If you can reduce the amount of time spent with her, I would.

Just smile and talk to ds explaining that his grandparent is having a drink while you get another cuddle. I sense thought this isn't about the tea but about the clash between mil a dil

Forget and ignore her snide remarks (deep breaths and remember you're in the right!!!) Ds1 was in hospital for five days with burns when he pulled a cup of tea Down. We lived in the hospital for those days. It was the most horrific experience. EVERYTIME she picks up your child say 'oops, I'll just take x while you finish that.' If she makes a comment/argues say 'well you'd regret it if you spilt some.' Let her know and remember you're in the right. If I could ban all hot drinks around the kids I would after those days (both mine and dh's family still after ten years and numerous kids leave cups of tea at the edge of thoe counter, on the table etc)

When my DD was a baby I spilt a boiling hot cup of tea (the instant it was made) over my own hands. It was by far the worst pain I have ever experienced. My baby was nowhere near (in bed at the time), but it did make me think just how awful it would be if a hot drink were spilled on a baby. The pain just from my hands was unbelievable - with a baby it could be over their entire body.

I was always safe with hot drinks around DD before it happened anyway, but after that incident I increased precautions.

When people came round for coffee, I would put DD in the playroom with a safety gate, and all hot drinks would be left in the kitchen and not allowed to be taken in there. I probably seemed OTT to some people, but I had noticed people often do silly things like stepping over a crawling baby with a hot drink, and I was not prepared to take the risk.

Stand firm with your MIL, you are doing the right thing.

Feijoa i don't think this is about tea anymore. Its about her thinking she knows better then OP and making it clear using this

She is not silly , she is nasty and making a point deliberately. It’s about power, it’s not about tea. I would cancel her next visit and from now on offer her to visit only when your DH is present. I wouldn’t do any sarcastic comments, just put it calmly that yes, she can have a cup of tea after she put baby down as it’s very dangerous to have a hot drink near a small child. Full stop.
Also you won’t be able to use her for babysitting she can’t be trusted so better start thinking about other arrangements. You can’t change her, and it’s not about common sense, it’s about attitude.
And she doesn’t love her grandchild. She loves to fight with you, it looks like a main purpose of her visits.