Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask my MIL not to drink tea

298 replies

KittyKat73 · 11/07/2018 08:55

AIBU to ask my MIL not to drink tea when she is holding my baby?

I thought this seemed like a reasonable request but every single time she seems him she trys to hold him and drink a cup of tea. every single time I ask her not to incase she spills some by mistake or he knocks it out her hand by accident.

My baby is now 5 months but she has done this ever since he was born and last time I saw her she made a snidey remark about me being too precious to let her have tea and hold him. Confused She has 2 other grandchildren who are older (aged 1 and 4) so im guessing by her reaction to me she used to drink tea and hold them all the time.

I just dont think its worth the risk but being made to feel like im being ridiculous and actually anxious when we see her because i know she will attempt to try and do it even though every single time I ask her not to.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 12/07/2018 18:59

Serve her lukewarm tea in a child proof sippy cup.

Or tell her you're now 'into' USA Southern-style sweet tea (yum) and bring her a tall ice filled glass.

Seriously, next time she says "Are you going to make me tea?" say "Certainly, when you're done holding the baby".

supersop60 · 12/07/2018 19:05

YANBU
Definitely show her the pictures.

mugginsalert · 12/07/2018 19:08

Part of the challenge of becoming a parent is that you have to stand your ground with older/previously dominant family members for the sake of your child -some see it as a challenge to them personally. It's tea now, there will be other things and other family members as the child grows, so you might as well decide on the style you'd prefer to maintain for such interactions over time - direct and concise, for example - and accept that there will be some times when you do have to use it, while people get their heads round the fact that you are in charge of your child and you will use that authority/responsibility.

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 12/07/2018 19:15

Your house so your rules. She either waits for the cuddle or the tea. If she’s PA about it address it head on and tell her your rules or leave. I’d also show her photos of scalded babies. Most likely I’d take the avoidant route and serve her tea in a spill-proof insulated cup.

pollymere · 12/07/2018 19:18

Give her tepid tea. That way she can drink it and not harm anyone... I suspect her desire for hot tea might outweigh her deliberately ignoring you. Or buy her an insulated travel mug with a lid...

Brown76 · 12/07/2018 19:27

Maybe stand with a big mug of hot tea right over her head, see if she gets it then?

huuggs · 12/07/2018 19:28

My health visitor told us we shouldn’t (she could see we drank hot drinks)

Say the advice is due to burns is to not hold hot drinks and baby’s.

BewareOfDragons · 12/07/2018 19:35

I know a toddler who had to have painful skin grafts because of hot tea ... down his ear, side of his face and neck... horrendous.

Jenasaurus · 12/07/2018 19:52

Show her this article next time she rolls her eyes

www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2112002/Baby-dies-scalded-drop-hot-tea.html

Biblio78 · 12/07/2018 19:53

I know a lot of children who were burned as babies/ toddlers this way. It's why the health visitors bang on so much about it isn't it?
Stick to your guns

Carriecakes80 · 12/07/2018 19:56

If I find the pictures I shall show you what happens when someone accidentally spills a hot drink down a childs face. My son was walking back from the toilets holding my hand, he was only 3, when a lady in a rush with a piping hot chocolate drink came barging past, tried to swerve and half the cup went over my son. The look on his face is what haunts me most, because he froze, before he screamed blue murder, then went into shock.
I owe my sons skin to the quick thinking nurse who poured her icy cold water over him almost immediately and ran and got armfuls of sopping wet paper towels.
But he lost the front part of his hair. it just slid off, and I cried so much wishing I had been carrying him and blaming myself.
I didn't blame the woman, it was an accident, they happen, thats twhy they are called accidents. You are not being precious, you are keeping your child safe, you are most certainly not being unreasonable.

And my lads fine now, a sweet & smiley 16 yr old without even the tiniest scar, but it could have been so much worse. Why the hell risk it?

JamForBrains · 12/07/2018 20:10

My DSis was burnt as a baby by my DGM (who sounds very similar to your MIL). Fortunately my DF is a first aider and his quick reactions meant that my DSis has not actually scarring just a patch on her arm that doesn't tan.

I see many children in A&E who have had similar accidents and have horrific burns. It's not worth risking x

RoboticSealpup · 12/07/2018 20:17

Carriecakes80 My goodness how horrible! I'm so glad to hear your DS is OK now.

kateandme · 12/07/2018 20:20

my little cousin have tepid tea in sippy cups.give her one of them

Loki1983 · 12/07/2018 20:27

YANBU
That’s one of the reasons why you tip so much tea and coffee away as the parent of a newborn. I would never pass drinks over someone holding a baby, never mind hold a hot drink and a baby at the same time. She is so irresponsible.

SoShinySoChrome · 12/07/2018 20:41

I went to school with a girl with one deformed boob as a hot drink had caused third degree burns as a baby and caused damage to the underlying breast structure plus the scar tissue meant one breast was deformed. I don’t know what happened to her in the end

compstruck · 12/07/2018 20:50

I can't believe how your MIL doesn't think of the accident that could happen. Ignorance is no excuse, she should respect your wishes too, your house, but even if she's in her house or anyone elses. Presume you've told her about nasty burns? If not, she must be taught. Perhaps she has never done a first aid course, seen burns first hand etc. I must say, I wish there were a like button on some of these comments, I've found them amusing, especially the one about holding a cup over her head to see her reaction! Good luck, you sound a lovely, caring mum.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 12/07/2018 20:53

I still have a burn on my finger from touching a cigarette my uncle was holding while carrying me. Tea tipped over a baby would be far worse.

UatuTheWatcher · 12/07/2018 20:58

The stats in this video are scary to read. Maybe show her this.

Stick to your guns you are being a good Mum.

ShastaBeast · 12/07/2018 20:58

I’m another small child scolded by hot tea - I pulled over a pot of tea as a toddler. I’m scarred but very lucky it wasn’t worse and my face was mostly spared. It bothers my mum much more than me, she still feels guilty. I barely notice the scars, although they have been itching recently, due to the heat I guess. After that my mum was super paranoid and I took on the same anxiety with my kids, my eldest has adhd so it’s a good job I was extra careful. Even as a small baby she wouldn’t keep still, drinking a hot drink while holding her would be very risky. It’s just not worth it.

I do find it strange how grandparents forget what it’s like to parent small children. I don’t think I’ll ever forget/recover. My in laws are worse while my mum is more understanding.

nannykatherine · 12/07/2018 21:26

send her on a first aid course and get them to point out that tea is the worst thing to get burnt with
boiling water and fat in the milk
lethal combo

Cookie37 · 12/07/2018 21:35
Pasithea · 12/07/2018 21:41

YANBU. I am 50 and still have a scar where my aunt dropped her tea and cigarette on me.

Turquoise123 · 12/07/2018 21:50

Astounding just astounding.

You stick to your guns.

Fairynormal · 12/07/2018 22:02

@UatuTheWatche @Cookie37

That video is so sad, but just shows how easily this can happen, and how quickly