To stop fil from feeding dd off his fork.

[Setpeace]

A few years ago I sat in horror when fil fed dd who had just recovered from nasty cold, off his fork when he had just been ill with an unexplained virus.
I didn't say anything thinking it's a one-off. The next time I saw him do it I asked dh to say something.
He said not to do it, the dc get illness etc.
Fil went and did it again at bbq at our house and I didn't know what to do.
Dh again mentioned after please don't do it.
They were out with dd and she said grandpa shared his ice cream with her.

I'm actually, ironically unlike pils quite relaxed about general about cleaning, weight are shoes on house, I don't keep dc pristine, I understand it's absolutely neccsary to be exposed to lots of germs etc but this makes me feel sick.

It's not only his seeming lack of care, it's the idea that he is somehow germ free and doesn't listen to us.
Yes they have massive form for lots of things like this but I'm not sure what the next move is, if he does it when we next see them.
I'd like to stand up and say ' fil are you you OK? You have been repeadlty asked not to share forks saliva with the dc and yet you carry on doing it?' then leave.
I could try and take dd back but she is very strong willed and it could end in an argument with dd...a tussle.. Dd come here.. NO etc

Its infuriating and I have had to listen to 14 of crap about dirt, shoes off, germs.... Etc.. They are extreme with it.

Ah I see.

What are you gonna do, then?

If he’s ill fair enough. If not.. really?! People are bothered about a grandparent giving a child some food off their fork? Jesus.

To be honest, I would insist on people not sharing their food with my children if they (the oher people) are ill.

Otherwise, there is absolutely nothing wrong.

It makes me squeamish so not something I'd do or endorse, but not sure if germ spreading/infections is true?

I once watched a mother put food in her mouth then back on the fork to feed a child. Ugh

The drip feeding going on here is wild

Well I have had lots of responses about sweet elderly people giving their gc an ice cream.

I said from outset he had been ill. I don't like it, especially when they go on about germs all. The. Time. That they traipse over us and boundaries all the time and what can I do to stop him

I can't link in my phone but Google germs and sharing utensils, it brings up loads about it...

Yes but if you google germs and doorhandles you get loads, germs and children's toys, germs and blankets etc. There are germs everywhere

This is a non sequitur . This is about you wanting control over what they do and about you feeling they don't respect you. It isn't about germs at all.

Apparently I'm proper minging because this doesn't bother me at all!

spug how is it that we are still alive?

@ProperLavs I imagine everyone lives in a sterile bubble and here I am bouncing around in my germ filled swamp!

About children’s immune systems being adversely affected by lack of this sort of contact, plus sterile homes. I was surrounded by a large extended family growing up -loads of aunties, uncles, cousIns, all 4 GPs and a very damp not very clean house. I was never bloody well. A woman who I occasionally still bump into who used to live a few doors down from us said her memory of me as a child was being ill in bed. Lots of food sharing, cuddles, kissing and a shed load of illness.

setpeace

I can't have a private chat with him. He doesn't listen. He doesn't respect. He ignores.

He doesn't value us or even like us much. This is why I posted, what on earth can I do bar leave if he does it again in front of us.

I’m sorry you’re in this situation. The only thing I can think of doing is getting angry with him, and kicking off every single time he does it, which I appreciate is easy for me to say as a keyboard warrior!

💐 for you, it’s awful when people won’t respect your boundaries.

Agree with many, he shouldn't do it if he's been ill but otherwise it wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

This has gone in a hilarious mumsnet classic off piste .

If anyone could see pils home, it's immaculate they don't even like antique furniture because it's old and has marks. Strictly shoes off, can't have tea without fuss, can't sit on sofa without layers of throws over the the precious sofas, as soon as eaten anxiety until plate is whipped away to dish washer... Special cloths for hands, glasses, special rules for everything in house its suffocating.. Dc not allowed in certain rooms.. Tension... Fuss over a crumb.. Constant talk of cleanliness.. And yet its me and dh who have come out as the germ phobes because we don't like fil sharing saliva with our dc because he did it shortly after vicious illness!!

Also hilarious that thread about granny kissing baby... Dreadful granny.. Stamping teraroty but massively germ phobic grandpa.. Who won't even touch you to greet you hello.. Won't go to his own mothers house because of so called dust... A lovely man being demised the chance to share his germs with his gc

Twas ever thus

And yet its me and dh who have come out as the germ phobes because we don't like fil sharing saliva with our dc because he did it shortly after vicious illness!!

The 'illness' gets worse every time you mention it! And he's hardly spitting in your DCs mouth when he sees them, he's let them take a few bites off his fork and shared and icecream!

I heard that it can increase the risk of tooth decay in children if sharing with someone with dental caries so I don't let people do it with my kids wherever possible. I would pass him another piece of cutlery next time and ask him to use that to feed DC. TBH though, from the perspective of forwarding germs I would argue that sharing a fork is much better than sharing a spoon because of the very low relative surface area. (Disclaimer; not a dentist and can't remember if this info came from one!!)

Sharron how much worse can it get. AS The child's mum I would be extremely conscious of passing on my germs after being bedridden from virus. Where I dropped loads of weight and needed extensive tests. There is no way on earth I would share my salvia in such circs.

I do wonder how people think germs pass and spread. There is a chance I will catch them from door knob.. Sneeze.. But that chance is lowered if I spoon my saliva into my child's mouth.

We have no chance do we if nasty pandemic hits. Lots of people will be insisting even more on shoes off, no hand made pies but happily spooning saliva and germs into each others mouths. But at least the carpet will live

I would have a last chat explaining you are not happy about it and if they continue then they won't see their grandchild. It's a pet hate of mine others ignoring your rules or request around your children. You're their parent you set the rules they should respect them. The only option is not allowing them around their at meals or until they stop.

Or cheekily break their rules...wear shoes in house ha ha until they get the message

If he was ill or was still recovering then yanbu. I've also heard that you should avoid spreading your mouth germs to kids, something to do with tooth germs. But tbf, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I still sometimes let dc taste from the same cutlery as me.

I tend not to share. Dh does its OK.. He is dad. But if he made huge fuss over shoes, crumbs.. Dirty dusty houses then shared a fork after major virus... I would loose respect.

Coughs and sneezes spread diseases.. Bin it kill it.

NHS advice for flu etc.

Honestly, you sound bonkers.

Unless he is licking toxic waste before he does it I wouldn't care.