To stop fil from feeding dd off his fork.

[Setpeace]

A few years ago I sat in horror when fil fed dd who had just recovered from nasty cold, off his fork when he had just been ill with an unexplained virus.
I didn't say anything thinking it's a one-off. The next time I saw him do it I asked dh to say something.
He said not to do it, the dc get illness etc.
Fil went and did it again at bbq at our house and I didn't know what to do.
Dh again mentioned after please don't do it.
They were out with dd and she said grandpa shared his ice cream with her.

I'm actually, ironically unlike pils quite relaxed about general about cleaning, weight are shoes on house, I don't keep dc pristine, I understand it's absolutely neccsary to be exposed to lots of germs etc but this makes me feel sick.

It's not only his seeming lack of care, it's the idea that he is somehow germ free and doesn't listen to us.
Yes they have massive form for lots of things like this but I'm not sure what the next move is, if he does it when we next see them.
I'd like to stand up and say ' fil are you you OK? You have been repeadlty asked not to share forks saliva with the dc and yet you carry on doing it?' then leave.
I could try and take dd back but she is very strong willed and it could end in an argument with dd...a tussle.. Dd come here.. NO etc

Its infuriating and I have had to listen to 14 of crap about dirt, shoes off, germs.... Etc.. They are extreme with it.

Would you feel so bothered if it was your own parents sharing their food? I’m quite happy for my own parents to share food with my daughter but the thought of my PIL doing it turns my stomach. But I suppress that because I know I’m being unreasonable - they’re her family as much as my parents are. I would eat food off my own mum’s fork even now, but definitely not MILs.

I think the OP is being perfectly reasonable. We all know that you have to ingest a few germs to build up immunity but taking food from someone’s mouth is a step too far. Bacteria and viruses are passed on by contact.

The OP needs to get tough about this.

I really dont see the problem.

In my family we all share like that all the time. We rarely get sick (usually bugs from school but even then not much). I really don't get why it's so gross to people.

It’s gross

Whatever your reason for not accepting they let your child eat of their fork, it's your child, your responsability, your choice, your decision. That's how I do things with my grandson who turns 1 today 😍 My DiL knows I do exactly as she asks me to, and she appreciates that.

miss

Good question!
My own dp of course are far more familiar to me. But.. My own dp seem to have more personal awareness about passing germs on via saliva. So I don't think they would ever risk sharing saliva if one had just been ill.
They would happily share their food but with fresh fork.
If they had been ill.. They would self regulate and say.. No dear x granny has not been well
...

Amazes me for people like pils who are totally germ phobic, sneer at other people for filthy houses etc, go mad if things are not just so.. Happily share forks and ice creams and germs. It's like everyone else is dirty but not them.

Miss I won't eat off anyone's fork though.

RenoSusan did you know the majority of adults have some degree of gum disease? Yes they do. I'd be extremely surprised if you caught this off your ex boyfriend.

Also, gum disease does not cause heart attacks, just if you have it, you're a higher risk of developing cardiovascular conditions.

You and your DH has the same chance of passing germs off to your DC as your FIL. Unless he's ill, I don't see why it's unreasonable.

It’s bad manners.

If someone has just been ill, sharing ice creams etc. is a terrible idea. Illnesses apart, I am pretty relaxed about this - small children are constantly exchanging saliva by touching each other's faces with dirty fingers, not always drinking out of their own glass, sneezing and coughing etc. A relative letting them lick their ice cream is no different. So either you forbid all kind of close contact, including being kissed by their own parents, or you relax and see it as inevitable.

I remember kids sharing chewing gum from each other's mouths

@Gottagetmoving Omg. You cannot be serious. You just cannot be. You do not need to share your saliva with a child to build up their immune system. You absurd argument is akin to saying exposing your child to hooping cough will build up their immune system. Both are untrue, and both are dangerous. And are you really comparing conceiving a child, to exchanging saliva with a child? Really? Are you really this lacking in self-respect and dignity that you would be willing to expose your self to mockery by doing so?

*Whooping

SalemBlackCat
You are being ridiculous. People are not drinking cups of each other's saliva!... they are sharing cutlery not spitting into their mouths. According to doctors you DO need to expose your children to things like this! Children have to get infections to build a strong immune system. It's far more dangerous never to have an infection and then get hit with something because your immune system has never had to develop!
As for conceiving a child, couples will French kiss...tongues involved, they will have oral sex....and they exchange fluids in the vagina. The comparison is about bodily fluids...

Your child will be developing a robust immune system and you shouldn't worry
Your DD will be picking a far wider range of germs/bacteria (good & bad) within the community -nursery/school/playgroups/friends house/public areas/door handles/escalators/other children/cafes.....
I can see from a different POV that your wishes have not been respected and that would irritate me too, but the actual exposure to germs & bacteria is irrelevant as it's unavoidable in the community and we are in constant contact with them, it's just invisible.
Have a glass of something and chill
Clean it properly first though

Do the adults here eat off their father in law’s fork? I find it odd to teach a child to do something that one day they will be told not to do. But perhaps some families share cutlery? We never have.

I honestly wouldn't have the energy to think past the I'm lucky to have loving involved in laws' bit. Another vote for 'chill!'

"I find it odd to teach a child to do something that one day they will be told not to do"

Isn't that practically everything?

BertrandRussell

Like what? Do you mean things like using a nappy and a bottle? They are developmental stages. Eating off someone else’s cutlery isn’t s stage, it’s just bad manners.

Are you really this lacking in self-respect and dignity that you would be willing to expose your self to mockery by doing so?

Mockery? Only an idiot would mock it. Do you really think I could be arsed about mockery coming from someone who is precious about an issue like this? Ye gods!

Do the adults here eat off their father in law’s fork? I find it odd to teach a child to do something that one day they will be told not to do. But perhaps some families share cutlery? We never have.

Maybe not my FIL but I certainly take a bite of my husband's fork if he ordered something different to me in a restaurant or vis versa...

@Gottagetmoving You are the one being ridiculous here, and very ill-informed. We are talking about CHILDREN here, not adults that are AWARE that if they french kiss then they swap saliva. Adults are (usually, although this thread appears to prove otherwise) aware of the risks of swapping saliva and bodily fluids, and have a more hardy immune system than a CHILD who isn't aware. And Doctors actually recommend against feeding a child from your fork. You are miss-informed and don't realise how ignorant and harmful your recklessness is.

@Gottagetmoving Well clearly you have to have self-awareness and a lack of pride to care about mockery, which is why I suppose you don't. People that care about a child's health, which you clearly don't, would feel embarrassed. But those that are dirty, ill-brought up and think it is okay to swap saliva with a child via fork will see nothing wrong with it because they weren't brought up properly hence think it is ok. I think many others would be aghast that you would think it ok. It isn't, it is sick and disgusting, but clearly there is no getting through people who don't have the upbringing to discern right from wrong as they have no idea and think it is normal. They know no different.