To stop fil from feeding dd off his fork.

[Setpeace]

A few years ago I sat in horror when fil fed dd who had just recovered from nasty cold, off his fork when he had just been ill with an unexplained virus.
I didn't say anything thinking it's a one-off. The next time I saw him do it I asked dh to say something.
He said not to do it, the dc get illness etc.
Fil went and did it again at bbq at our house and I didn't know what to do.
Dh again mentioned after please don't do it.
They were out with dd and she said grandpa shared his ice cream with her.

I'm actually, ironically unlike pils quite relaxed about general about cleaning, weight are shoes on house, I don't keep dc pristine, I understand it's absolutely neccsary to be exposed to lots of germs etc but this makes me feel sick.

It's not only his seeming lack of care, it's the idea that he is somehow germ free and doesn't listen to us.
Yes they have massive form for lots of things like this but I'm not sure what the next move is, if he does it when we next see them.
I'd like to stand up and say ' fil are you you OK? You have been repeadlty asked not to share forks saliva with the dc and yet you carry on doing it?' then leave.
I could try and take dd back but she is very strong willed and it could end in an argument with dd...a tussle.. Dd come here.. NO etc

Its infuriating and I have had to listen to 14 of crap about dirt, shoes off, germs.... Etc.. They are extreme with it.

Well, I don't climb onto my fil's lap, or demand that he tickle me with his beard, or want him to carry me downstairs upside down or search his pockets for hidden sweeties either. And I probably would have a taste of a family member's dinner off their fork if it looked nicer than mine too......

What stopped DM doing this was DS1 being diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. Definitely no food sharing whatsoever.

www.babygaga.com/15-hidden-dangers-of-sharing-food-with-the-kids/

www.dentistry.co.uk/2015/07/31/warning-mothers-sharing-spoons-toddlers/

www.thehealthsite.com/parenting/why-you-should-never-share-food-from-the-same-plate-spoon-or-cup-with-your-baby-d1017/

www.mychildrensteeth.org/education/parent_fact_sheet_on_caries_bacteria/

These germs can start the process that causes cavities even before babies have teeth

thestir.cafemom.com/baby/110060/why_cleaning_the_pacifier_with

While genetics, diet, and dental hygiene affect your kiddo's dental health, so does the prescence and level of bacteria -- specifically, Streptococcus mutans. Brand new baby teeth have soft enamel and are very susceptible to decay, and your premature introduction of the bacteria from your mouth can actually infect your baby's mouth and rot their teeth. So can kissing them on the mouth and sharing spoons, but consider the level of saliva you transfer in each situation, and generally, your pacifier "trick" is one of the worst, especially considering you generally try to get your saliva all over the pacifier to "get off the germs." Oh, the irony. In fact, it's pretty likely moms are the main cause of this bacteria, as the higher the mom's level, the higher the baby's,

Bertrand Russel my dd is a small child.

If your fil shied his beard in your face and you asked him not too but he kept doing it, a normal person would be surprised and upset. If he ruffled in your pockets for werthers sweet and again you asked him not too, he is going against your wishes.

I have, my dh has asked this man kindly to not share his germs with my dd and he keeps on doing it.

If for instance my dd wanted his food all those years ago and he said

Sorry dd I've not been well, let's get you your own portion and fork.. Maybe I would feel more relaxed about it.

I can't be relaxed about it now because he. Does. Not. Self. Regulate.

My dc get more than enough germs from siblings, and school.

We do not need a pushy rude man to ignore our wishes and feed dd to help_ her immune system.

I guess that is enough links to prove the point by now. Discussion over.

Mic drop.

I certainly wouldn't take a bite of anyone's food if they had just had a nasty virus.

We have no hope as a society do we if we have a major virus outbreak.

People hot on no shoes in the house, freak out about the stained sole of their dirty sock.. But nasty virus.. Hey ho let's share saliva at least carpets are clean.

Well clearly you have to have self-awareness and a lack of pride to care about mockery, which is why I suppose you don't. People that care about a child's health, which you clearly don't, would feel embarrassed. But those that are dirty, ill-brought up and think it is okay to swap saliva with a child via fork will see nothing wrong with it because they weren't brought up properly hence think it is ok. I think many others would be aghast that you would think it ok. It isn't, it is sick and disgusting, but clearly there is no getting through people who don't have the upbringing to discern right from wrong as they have no idea and think it is normal. They know no different

Wow! How far up your own arse are you?!!
Not only am I self aware, I'm also aware of how stuck up and daft you are!
I have two grown up very healthy clean children and 6 healthy , clean, grandchildren.
It's not like of pride that makes me not care about mockery, it's a healthy self esteem and confidence in what I think.
You seem to have some serious issues going on there.
You are also being very ignorant if you think a child eating from a blood relatives fork is any more dangerous than any other day to day contact with them.
I don't know how you cope with life!

Stop being so precious OP Jesus.

What are you going to do when she's grown up and making out with other people? Don't do that DD there's germs in their mouth 🙄

@Gottagetmoving You are also being very ignorant if you think a child eating from a blood relatives fork is any more dangerous than any other day to day contact with them.

Read the links I posted. However you seem to have serious issues with admitting you are wrong, so I doubt even information from the World Health Organisation would change your mind. Fact is, from lack of parenting or some other reason, people don't seem to realise it is wrong. If you don't know better, you can't do better. That isn't your fault.

But when we know better, we do better. So lets all start doing better.

I'm v OCD so anything like this makes me feel yucky. Just say loudly 'here DD have your own plate/fork you're a big girl now'
ps shoes indoors a absolute no no what if someone has stepped in old dog poop remnants??

Most here are missing the point entirely. Transferring bacteria via saliva is a real issue and nothing to do with building a healthy immune system. If your teeth are prone to cavities, it is possible that your well meaning but ignorant parent/grandparent/carer fed you with their own spoon or "cleaned" your dummy in their own mouth.

I'm from another country and the dangers of transferred saliva bacteria is well published there and new mothers are very educated about it. But it's not much talked about here for some reason. And that is why there is a stubborn army here saying it's utter bollocks

Also, I find it bemusing that so many are proclaiming it's perfectly ok to share eating utensils etc but on another thread you are considered utterly vile for not washing your towels/bra/ bed linen daily

Read the links I posted

If you bother to look, you will find as many links stating the opposite.
Perhaps we should also stop children having pets, or at least cuddling them and sterilise everything they come into contact with?
There are ALWAYS infection risks from most things, but we can't live our lives thinking everything is deadly.
Whether you like it or not, children who are not over protected when it comes to contact with germs, develop a stronger immune system. I wouldn't suggest living in filth was good or eating from the same plate/fork if you know you have a contagious infection......but neither is being too cautious to the point of being scared of germs from shared cutlery....the risks are not that great!

This is the dissonance I cannot fathom.

Fil had not had a bad headache he had been worryingly ill.

My dd was very young when he with no thought just decided to share food with her.
I see it very much as a territorial thing.

He keeps doing it.

Ford the shame reason I don't have not exposed my children to chickenpox parties... Why being illness in the them?
Who on their right mind wouldn't associate fil feeding after whilst in the recovery as really horrid in many ways.

Heli there is a simular threaded about granny keeping on kissing baby.. Kissing baby on head.. Not shovelling her ill saliva in and that's pretty unanimous that's not on and territorial..

But fil repeatedly doing this when asked not too... When relations are hanging by a thread anyway largely due to awful behavior and disrespecting us!!

gotta there is a big jump from asking a man who cannot self regulate not to share his salvos without dd to stopping a child from getting any access to natural bugs.

A big jump. We are not even a shoes off house ffs.

When dd is old enough to start dating she can choose and decide who she kisses or doesn't kiss. Rather than being a vulnerable small child whose gf is shovelling bacteria into her when he could still be infectious.

there is a big jump from asking a man who cannot self regulate not to share his salvos without dd to stopping a child from getting any access to natural bugs

Wouldn't argue about that...if he's ill or infectious, he shouldn't do it. In general, it's not so bad if he is fit and well, however, whether right or wrong, he should respect your wishes. He doesn't have to agree, just comply.
I had moved away from your particular issue....sorry if that caused confusion...

Make sure you wear shoes at their house. Also lick your fingers and then touch communal food.

I don't know why you started this thread OP. You are only interested ion people who agree with you.
I think you are far too precious and your attitude towards your pil is the issue here, you clearly dislike them.

I don't care who it is. I wouldn't like my child swapping saliva with anyone---not even me. You know Hepatitis, Herpes and Typhoid can spread this way. If a relative is known to be sick, I'll not risk health for the sake of their feelings...that's just irresponsible. Practice this with family and the child grows up to do this with friends, do you really need Mononucleosis? (Known as the kissing disease)