To think you shouldn’t shame consenting adults for having sex?

[ChunkyMonkey4321]

I recently moved to a new build estate and joined a Facebook group for it. Usually it’s just ‘did anybody else’s bins not get taken today?’ ‘Has anyone seen my cat’ etc etc. Today there was a post from a man saying: ‘did anybody else hear a woman making certain noises last night? (frowny face) If I could hear then children could have heard, hardly appropriate is it? Close the window love’

AIBU to think:
1: he’s shaming a woman, she probably wasn’t alone. He could have also told her partner to close the window!
2: she may well have had children of her own in the house. Or does nobody with children have sex?? (Sarcasm)

To be honest number 2 is fairly accurate if they have young children.

We had a neighbour who snored loudly that lasted all night

Welshmist, I think I’d find that more offensive!

YANBU. Any children that don't know sex happens are young enough to be told they're only playing.

Mummyretired, or if they ask ‘what’s that?’ Just say ‘I don’t know.’

What a prick. What an absolute prick. Totally agree with you OP. And I bet he knows who it was but rather than go and speak to her privately (if it bothered him) he has gone public to humiliate her.

But who wants to hear that when you’re probably trying to sleep?!

He isn’t BU

I kind of agree that having loud sex when everyone around has to listen is inconsiderate at best and inappropriate in earshot of kids, it's hardly tricky to keep your mouth shut when necessary.

Also it sounds from that comment that the 'shut the window' was directed towards the woman as she was the one making the noise, if it had been a bellowing man shouting 'take it Brenda, who's your Daddy' then it would be his responsibility to shut the window or shut up!

One of the early lessons of parenthood is learning to have quiet sex & if you aren't a parent then being considerate of others and not entirely self-centred is still a basic social skill.

So YABU and am I the only one thinking you are taking offence because it was you ;)

Given that everyone will know who he is talking about by working out who his nearest neighbours are, it's not acceptable for him to say this in such a public way. A quiet chat or even a note through the door would have been better.

It also gives me the uncomfortable feeling that he is getting something out of this and probably "enjoying himself" more than a little.

Snoring is worse. There's only so long that sex can go on for (ideally, from the unwilling listener's perspective) but snoring just doesn't end.

Hmm in two minds about this. No he shouldn't have shamed her but I find it rude and inconsiderate when people have ridiculously loud sex. It disturbs other people. And I really hope there weren't children in the house If they were being that loud. I'm far from a prude but if I heard my mum being intimate with someone I think I'd be traumatised so can't imagine how a young child would feel

I wouldn't like to hear my neighbours having sex to be fair. I don't want to hear other peoples sex noises, maybe I'm a prude.

I have no issue with the knowledge that others have sex and am happy to talk about sexual health or issues with friends when it's come up, but to hear it... especially if it's waking me up at night. No thanks.

Chipsandgin (great name!) oooh I wish. I’ve got a doxy though...

I think it's a bit off shame them on a group like that, but having been woken yet again at 1:30am last night by my neighbour's loud sex session I do have some sympathy and agree that we don't all need to hear it. I just want to be able to sleep .

How does he know it wasn’t some sleazeball watching porn with the volume up?

I don't think adults should be shamed for sex - but I also think if it's loud enough for the neighbours to hear it's not very considerate! Just as music / shouting / dogs barking etc wouldn't be considerate either.

YANBU I would be leaving or un-following this facebook group. You can debate the rights and wrongs of having loud sex in a built up area until the cows come home but to me the issue here is someone referring to it on a social platform like this and shaming the person because I am sure the neighbour and other neighbours knows who he is talking about. That is where my issue would be not with the person who got a bit carried away in the moment

Rafiki, I think it’s fair enough to be in your own home and think ‘oh god’. I stayed in a hostel in budapest and there were some noises going on so we went out for a walk. They were still at it when we got back! It’s the going on Facebook and shaming that I have an issue with.

Or perhaps they were just watching Wimbledon on catchup

I think if you don't want to be shamed for having sex then don't have sex publically or in earshot of the neighbours. It's just a form of exhibitionism.

Barbarianmum, it’s summer at the moment so windows are open. But when I lived in a terraced house I heard the neighbours through the walls. Are we just not supposed to have sex in case people hear? There’s nothing wrong with it

I'm surprised to find myself on the minority side on this - I think of myself as fairly 'live and let live' - but I actually think it is really rude and antisocial to make loud sex noises with the window open, and while I wouldn't have posted it on Facebook I can see why he's gone with this somewhat passive aggressive route, as he's presumably hoping she'll recognise herself and stop it without having to be directly confronted.

And I don't (yet) have children, but surely people don't - or shouldn't - have loud sex with them in the house? It's not like having quiet sex is very difficult - I've lived with a lot of housemates over the years and only one seemed to struggle with it and (unsurprisingly) she was a generally very inconsiderate person.

I also think there's a big difference between the more subtle/unavoidable noises of sex - beds creaking, etc. - and shrieking like you're in a porn film.

If you need to shriek then shut the windows. Or put music on and moan a bit. Same if you know the walls are thin. There's no shame in lots of things, taking a dump fi - doesn't mean they shouldn't be private.