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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you shouldn’t shame consenting adults for having sex?

158 replies

ChunkyMonkey4321 · 10/07/2018 09:37

I recently moved to a new build estate and joined a Facebook group for it. Usually it’s just ‘did anybody else’s bins not get taken today?’ ‘Has anyone seen my cat’ etc etc. Today there was a post from a man saying: ‘did anybody else hear a woman making certain noises last night? (frowny face) If I could hear then children could have heard, hardly appropriate is it? Close the window love’

AIBU to think:
1: he’s shaming a woman, she probably wasn’t alone. He could have also told her partner to close the window! Grin
2: she may well have had children of her own in the house. Or does nobody with children have sex?? (Sarcasm)

OP posts:
chrisinthesun · 10/07/2018 11:12

@ChunkMonkey4321

It's not acceptable for someone to publicly humiliate someone for making loud sex noises, but maybe mentioned 'the woman' because he could hear you a lot more.

I do have to say though, I do get a bit Hmm at people who make loud sex noises. A certain amount of noise is going to happen, but when people are really loud, it's because they need everyone to know they are having sex; you know, coz they're the ONLY ones doing it that night. Hmm

It's usually the same people who brag that they (supposedly) do it 12-15 times a week, and it lasts 2 hours each time. Neither 'fact' is likely to be true.

@MargaretCavendish

I'm surprised to find myself on the minority side on this - I think of myself as fairly 'live and let live' - but I actually think it is really rude and antisocial to make loud sex noises with the window open

No, you're not in a minority. Maybe on HERE (maybe,) but then mumsnet is a weird parallel universe. In real life, NOBODY wants to hear other people fucking loudly. Only perverts. Wink

As has been said normal sex noises is one thing, but loud screaming and loud groaning just smacks of a desperation to let everyone know you're doing it.

chrisinthesun · 10/07/2018 11:13

@ChunkyMonkey4321

It's not acceptable for someone to publicly humiliate someone for making loud sex noises, but maybe the man mentioned 'the woman' because he could hear you a lot more.

I do have to say though, I do get a bit Hmm at people who make loud sex noises. A certain amount of noise is going to happen, but when people are really loud, it's because they need everyone to know they are having sex; you know, coz they're the ONLY ones doing it that night. Hmm

It's usually the same people who brag that they (supposedly) do it 12-15 times a week, and it lasts 2 hours each time. Neither 'fact' is likely to be true.

@MargaretCavendish

I'm surprised to find myself on the minority side on this - I think of myself as fairly 'live and let live' - but I actually think it is really rude and antisocial to make loud sex noises with the window open

No, you're not in a minority. Maybe on HERE (maybe,) but then mumsnet is a weird parallel universe. In real life, NOBODY wants to hear other people fucking loudly. Only perverts. Wink

As has been said normal sex noises is one thing, but loud screaming and loud groaning just smacks of a desperation to let everyone know you're doing it.

Justtheonequestion · 10/07/2018 11:14

Yes, because you are arguing that children should be exposed to your sex noise. Youre disgusting.

chrisinthesun · 10/07/2018 11:15

@ChunkyMonkey4321

It's not acceptable for someone to publicly humiliate someone for making loud sex noises, but maybe the man mentioned 'the woman' because he could hear you a lot more.

I do have to say though, I do get a bit Hmm at people who make loud sex noises. A certain amount of noise is going to happen, but when people are really loud, it's because they need everyone to know they are having sex; you know, coz they're the ONLY ones doing it that night. Hmm

It's usually the same people who brag that they (supposedly) do it 12-15 times a week, and it lasts 2 hours each time. Neither 'fact' is likely to be true.

@MargaretCavendish

I'm surprised to find myself on the minority side on this - I think of myself as fairly 'live and let live' - but I actually think it is really rude and antisocial to make loud sex noises with the window open

No, you're not in a minority. Maybe on HERE (maybe,) but then mumsnet is a weird parallel universe. In real life, NOBODY wants to hear other people fucking loudly. Only perverts. Wink

As has been said normal sex noises is one thing, but loud screaming and loud groaning just smacks of a desperation to let everyone know you're doing it.

MarthaArthur · 10/07/2018 11:15

If you cant hear someones tv or normal talking from their house but can hear sex noises then yes they are exhibitionists and wrong. I hate people making loud shreiky sex noises theres no need its anti social.

Original poster
ChunkyMonkey4321 · 10/07/2018 11:15

@chrisinthesun I think it’s more of an issue cos of the weather at the moment. If everybody had their windows closed likely nobody would have heard a thing. My neighbours aren’t screaming in their garden, but I can hear it. So it could have just been normal noise that they didn’t realise everyone could hear as everyone had their windows open

OP posts:
chrisinthesun · 10/07/2018 11:16

Not sure why that posted more than once Confused

FissionChips · 10/07/2018 11:17

Being so loud that others can hear (and you know they can hear it) is basically making them be involved with you sex session against their will, it’s creepy.
It’s very perverted to be happily shagging loudly knowing a child can hear, just who in their right mind thinks that’s ok?

Original poster
ChunkyMonkey4321 · 10/07/2018 11:17

@justtheone no, I said parents shouldn’t just have to have silent sex.

OP posts:
Hideandgo · 10/07/2018 11:19

There is no need to have sex including shrieking and loud moaning. That is ‘performance sex’. And it’s a bit sad that any woman is trained to do this. We can thank porn.

Although I’m sure there’s people here that will argue they can’t help it and they’re just so passionate etc.

Mousefunky · 10/07/2018 11:20

Grin at there being ‘no need for sex noises’. Silent sex sounds pretty miserable and awkward to me personally...

YANBU. There are far more vulgar noises neighbours could be making than sex sounds, think tinny drum and bass music for example...

Original poster
ChunkyMonkey4321 · 10/07/2018 11:21

Also, to be clear, the AIBU is not even about anybody having sex. Yes we all know it’s a bit awkward to hear a neighbour having sex. But it’s it necessary to go on Facebook? I think not

OP posts:
MarthaArthur · 10/07/2018 11:22

Thats so creepy you said its fine for kids to hear you have sex and that its fine because primates do it so other male primates know they are sexually available. Weird as. Performance shreiking is gross and no one is jealous they are all embarrassed for you. Theres a difference between normal moaning and sex noises and shreiking loud exhibitionist show off sex.

PaduaPanda · 10/07/2018 11:22

It's performance shagging. Making as many people as possible know you are having amazing sex and are desirable and having better sex than everybody else.

If she didn't want all and sundry knowing she could have kept it down or shut the window. If you're the sort of exhibitionist that does that stuff, you're taking the risk that somebody might call your bluff and expose you when they're fed up of it.

Original poster
ChunkyMonkey4321 · 10/07/2018 11:24

@marthaarthur when did I say it was fine for kids to hear you have sex? I said I don’t think parents should be forced to have silent sex for the rest of their child rearing days.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 10/07/2018 11:25

I don't want my daughter hearing me have sex. It's not because I feel it is innately wrong - sex isn't wrong - but because she would feel awkward and embarrassed, and that's wrong.

Justtheonequestion · 10/07/2018 11:27

Its incredibly creepy martha.
You can make noise when theyre out. No child should be exposed to that. Its wrong.

Original poster
ChunkyMonkey4321 · 10/07/2018 11:28

Also, how do we know it was shrieking? Is it not hot where any of you are? I’ve had all my doors and windows open for weeks now

OP posts:
MargaretCavendish · 10/07/2018 11:30

at there being ‘no need for sex noises’. Silent sex sounds pretty miserable and awkward to me personally...

Again, 'silent' and 'not loud enough for others to hear' isn't the same thing. Genuine question, do you make loud noise when you masturbate?

BarbarianMum · 10/07/2018 11:31

People should not be humiliated for having sex in private. If you choose to make it public, then you are inviting comment.

FissionChips · 10/07/2018 11:32

Also, how do we know it was shrieking? Is it not hot where any of you are? I’ve had all my doors and windows open for weeks now

I live in a tiny cul de sac and we all have our windows open. I can’t hear anyone’s television or talking so I think it’s right to assume the shagging neighbours are being excessively loud.

Why are you trying to justify people being sex creeps??

MargaretCavendish · 10/07/2018 11:32

Also, how do we know it was shrieking? Is it not hot where any of you are? I’ve had all my doors and windows open for weeks now

Again, unless your estate has windows built inches from other houses, there's no way that quiet sex noise is travelling to another house, even with all windows open.

chrisinthesun · 10/07/2018 11:37

Hmmm I am also wondering if they make the same kind of racket when they are masturbating or using a dildol

chrisinthesun · 10/07/2018 11:38

Hmmm I am also wondering if they make the same kind of racket when they are masturbating or using a dildo.

chrisinthesun · 10/07/2018 11:38

It's performance shagging. Making as many people as possible know you are having amazing sex and are desirable and having better sex than everybody else.

If she didn't want all and sundry knowing she could have kept it down or shut the window. If you're the sort of exhibitionist that does that stuff, you're taking the risk that somebody might call your bluff and expose you when they're fed up of it.

EXACTLY Padua ^

I hate it when people feel they have to let everyone else hear their shagging. Yeah we get it luv, you're getting a portion. No-one else is getting any tonight! And you two must just be SOOOOO good at it, because of all the screaming and yelling. Hmm

Fucks me right off.

But IMO, the guy should not have posted about it on the facebook group.

I guess if it makes her be more quiet, it will have done the trick though. Grin

I think the OP is very disappointed that she isn't getting more support, because she stressed how 'wrong' it is that this man only had a go at 'the woman,' so she thought she would get more 'awww hun, he is so misogynistic isn't he?' kind of comments. Shame.

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