To think you shouldn’t shame consenting adults for having sex?

[ChunkyMonkey4321]

I recently moved to a new build estate and joined a Facebook group for it. Usually it’s just ‘did anybody else’s bins not get taken today?’ ‘Has anyone seen my cat’ etc etc. Today there was a post from a man saying: ‘did anybody else hear a woman making certain noises last night? (frowny face) If I could hear then children could have heard, hardly appropriate is it? Close the window love’

AIBU to think:
1: he’s shaming a woman, she probably wasn’t alone. He could have also told her partner to close the window!
2: she may well have had children of her own in the house. Or does nobody with children have sex?? (Sarcasm)

The two people commenting are apparently neighbours but I Don’t recognise them. I know who a few of the posters are who live near me.

• neighbours to each other, not me

Who has been shamed? He hasn't mentioned a name or at least it doesn't say he has in your post. He is basically saying shut your window we can all hear you and I'm not keen on hearing shagging people when I'm trying to get to sleep.

I'm assuming it was you OP

What kind of unsatisfactory sex are y’all having if you can remain silent?!

you really do NOT need to scream like a porn star for great sex, sorry. It might be good for some people's egos, but there are ways.

@fluffyrainbow knowingly I think is what I’m wondering. What if she didn’t realise/know (yes maybe she is that stupid) that people could hear and now goes on fb and is horrified (now I am wondering if it is me)

He wasn’t shaming her for having sex. He was shaming her for being loud enough to wake the neighbourhood. How else would he have known??
Surely you can see the difference? I hate this “shaming” malarkey. Nobody can comment on anything anymore without being accused of trying to shame some idiot who probably couldn’t give a toss.

What kind of unsatisfactory sex are y’all having if you can remain silent?!

I will put money on the correlation between those doing porno screaming and those actually orgasming being weak at best... How many women scream the house down when they masturbate?

God, now you’re wondering if it’s you. Ffs

@cntrlc but there’s a mid way between porn star noises and silence isn’t there?

What kind of unsatisfactory sex are y’all having if you can remain silent?!

I've slept with loads of people. Loud noises are never necessary. You don't need to be completely silent; what's wrong with quiet moans/gasps/ muffled into pillow etc, whispers?

I never heard any adults having sex while growing up.

So shut your bloody window! How dim are you?

@iamagreyhound - I’ll make sure to put (sarcasm) after everything in future now

What if she didn’t realise/know (yes maybe she is that stupid) that people could hear and now goes on fb and is horrified (now I am wondering if it is me)

Well, then now she knows. What are the alternatives? An anonymous note might have been kinder but he may genuinely not know which house it was.

His post does make it unclear whether it was a one-off - I'd have definitely ignored it if so. If it's a regular occurrence, though, then I think it's fair enough to point out that it's a problem, even if that does embarrass the person making the noise.

@margaretcavendish I agree if it was happening every night or on a particularly regular basis then it’s an issue that might need to be addressed, but these things happen.

If you don’t want to be shamed for being an inconsiderate neighbour then don’t be an inconsiderate neighbour.
I’d report to the ASBO peope at the council of it happened often.

but there’s a mid way between porn star noises and silence isn’t there?

Yes, but unless the houses on your estate are built with the windows inches apart you can't hear that midway point, as it's quieter than a conversation. If you can hear it from another house it's loud.

I’m not saying people should act like ‘pornstars’ but staying fully silent isn’t possible for most people, unless your just going through the motions.

I also find it somewhat ‘slut shaming’ to refer to people who make noises as ‘pornstars’

People have sex, I’m quite sure they didn’t deliberately want people to hear and got carried away.

It's also, like most antisocial behaviour, reliant on the fact everyone else shows some respect and doesn't do it. Imagine if we all had screamingly loud sex with the windows open every time - in a densely populated area (like most housing estates) it would happen multiple times a night and be unbearable. People who do this get away with it because almost everyone else is more considerate.

I'm so sensitive to noise. In my road it's screaming brats - they really are brats - footballs thumping, dogs barking from 4am onwards, next door snoring, the other side vomiting after copious drinks, cats shagging....

chipsandgin take it brenda!whos your daddy That made me chuckle irl.

And Y,Y i agree its not noise others need to hear, its a bit wierd putting it on fb though.

Would you be fine listening to the man next door grunting and groaning loudly as he wanks op?

I'd probably turn the shame back on him. He's just getting his jollies by getting all "disgusted of [insert town here]". It probably got him all hot and bothered. But he didn't get enough.

He sounds bitter and sexist. And like he doesn’t get a lot of sex himself.

People have sex, I’m quite sure they didn’t deliberately want people to hear and got carried away.

I think that's a bit charitable, really - it's more likely that they either didn't care or quite like people hearing. Again, almost everyone does control themselves. Of around 20 people I lived with over the years only one made loud sex noises when other people could hear - and if it was that uncontrollable then I'm surprised to learn that she literally never masturbated, as she never started screaming on her own.

@fissionchips Probably not, but I also wouldn’t go on Facebook and say ‘didn’t anybody else hear my neighbour grunted while he wanked this afternoon?