To think you shouldn’t shame consenting adults for having sex?

[ChunkyMonkey4321]

I recently moved to a new build estate and joined a Facebook group for it. Usually it’s just ‘did anybody else’s bins not get taken today?’ ‘Has anyone seen my cat’ etc etc. Today there was a post from a man saying: ‘did anybody else hear a woman making certain noises last night? (frowny face) If I could hear then children could have heard, hardly appropriate is it? Close the window love’

AIBU to think:
1: he’s shaming a woman, she probably wasn’t alone. He could have also told her partner to close the window!
2: she may well have had children of her own in the house. Or does nobody with children have sex?? (Sarcasm)

The facebook thing is wierd a lot of ppl will be thinking hes a wierd perv for posting so no worries

I honestly wouldn't mind hearing people bonking. It's life. The snoring will last all night and drive me mad, the bonking will only last 5 minutes, won't it 🤔??

@fissionchips Probably not, but I also wouldn’t go on Facebook and say ‘didn’t anybody else hear my neighbour grunted while he wanked this afternoon?

How would you deal with it then if it were to happen repeatedly? I doubt this is the first time the man on fb has heard it if it’s annoyed him so much he felt the need to post.

Do people honestly only have silent sex with kids in the house?

The fb group in general is very ‘concerned of tunbridge wells’. There were some kids breaking into the building site and honestly comments like ‘what is the world coming to, I would expect this in the city but not in the suburbs!’ Well, in the city kids have things to do but there’s nothing here in the suburbs

@fissionchips

I don’t know if it’s the first time, but it’s very hot and stuffy at the moment so everyone has their windows open. If the guy on Facebook had his closed he probably wouldn’t have heard, if they have closed theirs then they probably wouldn’t have heard but I’m guessing there was nothing stopping the noise cos it’s so hot at the mo

FB is only a modern platform, before then neighbours would just gossip with each other and complain about the anti-social ones. It's not different.

I don't need to hear or see my neighbours having sex . If it was within earshot of children, they should be careful because people go into all source of legal trouble, and rightly so.

Complete difference between silence and not being so load as to alert people sleeping in other rooms/ neighbours

Is there any legislation you can point me to that would get you in legal trouble for children hearing people have sex?

Well, in the city kids have things to do but there’s nothing here in the suburbs

since when does Tunbridge Wells qualify as "suburbs"?

I don't think people should be subjecting others to their loud sex noises, so the shaming is deserved, really.

I don't see the problem. He didn't mention any names, he probably doesn't even know which house it was because noise travels. Hopefully whoever it was will see it and think "oops I'd better be a bit quieter next time." Mild embarrassment at most.

He's much more polite than me though. The incessant dog barking from somewhere in the vicinity of my house at god awful early hours has reduced me sticking my head out of my windows and shouting "shut that effing dog up". If I knew which house it was I would happily go round and knock on their door at 4am grrr

That isn't shaming adults for having sex . That's shaming adults for being disrespectful in the level of noise. Not the same thing. Nobody wants to hear your sex.

Do people honestly only have silent sex with kids in the house?

Again, I don't know about kids - though I am a bit horrified at the idea of people having vocal sex knowing that their kids can hear - but I and almost everyone else I lived with managed to have sex muffled enough to not travel through walls for years. I really don't think it's a big or unusual ask. I had sex a couple of nights ago, had two very satisfactory orgasms and I'm completely confident the neighbours didn't hear, because I'm not an inconsiderate/attention-seeking person who screams away.

It does seem an uncomfortable situation for all involved. Announcing the goings on on FB just makes it drag out even longer. Surely there's no need for that. The poster either wanted to indirectly let the couple know they had been heard, or wanted to inflict the knowledge on others.

It could be the case the couple wasn't aware of how easily sound travels with open windows. It was only on Saturday when I was woken up at 1:50 to a really loud clap-clapping noise. I got up to try and figure out why someone had brought a horse onto a quiet residential estate in the middle of the next night. That's when I heard the squealing too. I'm still embarrassed at my naivety now!

I think of myself as fairly 'live and let live' - but I actually think it is really rude and antisocial to make loud sex noises with the window open, and while I wouldn't have posted it on Facebook I can see why he's gone with this somewhat passive aggressive route, as he's presumably hoping she'll recognise herself and stop it without having to be directly confronted.

^I agree

Being that loud with a window open is disgusting because we dont have to make noises like that. Presumably it was the woman they heard so yes: 'shut up love'.
Antisocial and yes they should be shamed. Sex is private not a whole street activity and they needed to respect those with children (and teenagers tbh-who feel awkward as it is).

Lol @ctrlV I can’t say where I actually am! :) I don’t think a person enjoying sex is necessarily attention seeking. I hear my neighbours drinking in the garden and my sons bedroom is at the back of the house. But it’s not late enough for them to be doing anything wrong and they’re entitled to be drinking in their garden in summer.

@ChunkyMonkey4321 I'm sure lots of people were amused! The thing is you would have to be fairly loud to attract that level of attention, no one is saying everyone has to be silent, I think there are varying degrees of this, but I don't think it's shaming adults for having sex, it's more highlighting that actually sharing your sex with everyone is not necessary 😆. Someone I know had issues with a neighbour not realising how thin the walls were and initially she thought someone was being assaulted!!! After months she had to write a little note. Her sleep was so disturbed.

I think parents should have silent or very quiet sex yes. Exposing children to loud sex noises is inappropriate and a form of sexual abuse.

Sara pascoe taught me it’s called female copulatory vocalisation and all primates do it. Yes, likely more for the partner than themselves or also apparently sends the subliminal message ‘hey guys, come do me!’ In the wild of course

@justtheonequestion ‘kin hell. Better send social services round then

You sound a perv, the more i read your posts. Reported.

@justtheonequestion you accused people who have non-silent sex with their children in the house of being sexual abusers and then report ME? Ok the.