To think you shouldn’t shame consenting adults for having sex?

[ChunkyMonkey4321]

I recently moved to a new build estate and joined a Facebook group for it. Usually it’s just ‘did anybody else’s bins not get taken today?’ ‘Has anyone seen my cat’ etc etc. Today there was a post from a man saying: ‘did anybody else hear a woman making certain noises last night? (frowny face) If I could hear then children could have heard, hardly appropriate is it? Close the window love’

AIBU to think:
1: he’s shaming a woman, she probably wasn’t alone. He could have also told her partner to close the window!
2: she may well have had children of her own in the house. Or does nobody with children have sex?? (Sarcasm)

Also, how do we know it was shrieking? Is it not hot where any of you are? I’ve had all my doors and windows open for weeks now

My windows have been open, those of the neighbours have been open. I have heard NO sex noises. None at all. In fact, having lived through thirty odd summers, I don't recall ever having heard my neighbours at it. It's weird to make noise during sex such that anybody could hear it.

Is there any legislation you can point me to that would get you in legal trouble for children hearing people have sex?

If you deliberately expose a child to sex then it could be considered abusive. I doubt accidentally hearing your parents having sex would be classed as abuse but I don't understand why people just can't be quiet.
As a pp said if you can't hear your neighbours tv or normal conversation but sex can be heard then it seems deliberate.

Actually, I've thought of one place where it was quite common to overhear sex - university halls. Presumably there are some posters on here that would claim that that's because a load of fumbling teenagers were having absolutely amazing, orgasmic sex, and definitely not because they didn't know what they were doing and so did what they thought you're supposed to...

Oh this long hot summer has alot to answer for!

Did he name the neighbours? :p

Not sure why but other people's sex noises always grossed me out in a way that makes me giggle. I wouldn't point that out to them though.

Found this LOL!

www.maxim.com/maxim-man/why-we-make-noise-during-sex-2016-11

From the article...

Studies reveal that women moan when they’re bored, tired, or uncomfortable during sex, so that you’ll get all extra hot and finish faster. Ugh. So much deception! But still, it benefits both parties, so no harm done.

And

While female orgasms were most commonly experienced during foreplay, copulatory vocalizations were reported to be made most often before and simultaneously with male ejaculation," the researchers wrote in the report, implying that women moan and pretend they’re orgasming just so you'll feel good about yourself.

And

For the study, which was published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, the researchers asked 71 sexually active women why they vocalize during sex, and they found that 66 percent of women moan simply to speed up their partner’s climax (ouch), and a whopping 87 percent said that they moan to boost his self-esteem.

LOL

LOL chrisinthesun that is all true of me! 🤫 but I sometimes also make noise because total silence would feel too awkward?

Thinking about it I don’t really make noise except for maybe louder breathing when I, errrrr, take care of myself 🤭 So it probably is mostly just a performance...

I wonder if most women would naturally be fairly silent during sex but we’ve created this whole expectation noisiness literally just to placate men? And kind of bought into it ourselves?

Sorry, too bleak for this thread... back to the noisy neighbours and the pervy complainer...

I think it really depends on the time of day, if it's late at night but not ridiculously late then fair enough, crack on. But someone waking me up at 3am with loud howling and grunting is to me, the same as starting up their lawn mower. Both are anti-social in the time frame and unnecessary. Either way though, I'd probably just shout out my window into there's and ask them to keep it down rather than go on a community page.

@chrisinthesun yes I think that was the Sara pascoe type thing. So maybe, would you rather loud noises for a shorter time (cos it gets him to hurry up) or bed squeaking all night

Genuine question, do you make loud noise when you masturbate?

Only when I’m plugged into the mains - praaaaaise the lord

I had my window open the other night - I could hear every word of a woman in a garden two doors down - about the bungalow she was buying and how the surveyors report had been delayed and how it had caused her embarrassment due to estate agents lying and how she was going to make them pay! I don't live on an estate our gardens are quite large- but it was only her I could hear and not the others - at first I thought shut the fuck up - then I laughed because she sounded just like me - determined to make someone responsible for their actions or lack of!

My view on life - give someone benefit of doubt first time - if it's a pattern and you try speaking to them to resolve and they ignore you then they have the consequences to deal with.

Not sure I would post on a local FB group but I post on here - I'm now asking myself am i into this shaming nonsense - I guess I partly am because I don't care who knows me and if I'm identified which means somewhere I have a lack of respect for the other person and the bottom line is this makes me no better than them!

He's probably getting off on the replies to the post. If he only heard her, she was probably masturbating (shock horror)

@greenberet the intention on here, though, is that you’re generally anonymous and the people talked about aren’t easily identified. On a local Facebook group of a hundred houses, they’re easily identified

A bit like the op on this thread red

He was being a judgmental knob, it’s the way he’s phrased it. If he said ‘just an FYI but whoever was having sex loudly last night should be aware sound travels, it kept me awake! Could you please keep it down during sleeping hours?’ then I’d say he wasn’t being unreasonable. If people are being disruptively loud during unreasonable hours that’s not fair on neighbours whether it’s sex noises, or arguments/music/TV.

But the way he phrased it was nasty (nice pass agg ‘love’ thrown in for good measure). So I’m inclined to say I think his reasoning was to shame rather than ask for some neighbourly respect.

He just seems angry that no one ever makes those noises for him!

Nasty to post it on FB like that. Really grim.

It also depends how loud and unsubtle this was. Loud shrieking and moaning, headboard smashing against the wall for ages not OK. Quiet noises even though it is clear what's going on is fine IMO.

But I sympathise with him a little. In this heat everyone is finding it hard to sleep, everyone is hot and uncomfortable and the last thing you need is more disturbance and, yes, the inevitable British mild discomfort around sex. Maybe since the windows have all been open he's encountered this every night!

No, there's nothing wrong with having sex but consideration for your neighbours isn't too much to expect.

"For the study, which was published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, the researchers asked 71 sexually active women why they vocalize during sex, and they found that 66 percent of women moan simply to speed up their partner’s climax (ouch), and a whopping 87 percent said that they moan to boost his self-esteem."

Ha ha ha! Damn it. Found out

So was it you then op?
I'll be honest, writing it on fb is wrong.
However, it isn't nice for all the neighbours to listen to, especially late at night. My neighbours new born keeps me up a lot through the night - that can't be helped and so I wouldn't get cross . Someone having sex late at night loud enough that the neighbours can hear - yes that's not on.
And Yes, having sex loud enough for your children to hear is wrong too. I caught my parents having sex when I was a child and it made me feel really embarrassed. I don't know why you'd put your children through that.

I’ve changed my mind actually, now I’ve finished reading the thread. If he wants the noise to stop without directly confronting someone (which lots of people are nervous about doing in case they get a nasty aggressive response) then maybe sharing it on a local group where the couple might see it is the best way to go about it. He hasn’t named them, so hasn’t exactly ‘shamed’ them. And how many of us really talk to neighbours and would be able to approach this any other way?

Presumably the group is for locals to communicate about issues where they live, so he’s using it appropriately. I can’t say I much like his tone but maybe I’d be a bit fucked off if I had to listen to people shagging so loudly with apparently little consideration of others. Only he knows if this has been a regular thing or not.

Can someone please explain the joke/humour behind the ‘take it Brenda, who’s your daddy’ everyone is laughing at? I don’t think I get it. Is it because Brenda is typically quite an older person’s name so people are amused at the idea of an older person having sex? Or is it literally just the ‘who’s your daddy’ thing tickling people? I really want to know!

Lindsey I didn’t think it was funny cos the idea of older people having sex was funny, maybe because yes Brenda is an older persons name but the idea of your average middle aged couple going at it like porn stars is quite funny.

I was tucked up in bed with my cross stitch by 9:30 (husband was watching love island wtf) so I can’t have been making noises too late at night

no, I said parents shouldn’t just have to have silent sex.

Of course not. There's a difference between silence and being so loud that the neighbours can hear you, but it's very embarrassing for kids to hear their parents having sex - save the noisier sessions for when they aren't at home.

Loud sex just isn't my thing though, it makes me cringe. Even when I make myself orgasm, it's pretty quiet.

I wouldn’t overthink it LyndseyKola

They are both BU.

The couple for making so much noise (any loud avoidable noise is antisocial, especially at night) and him for bringing it up publicly. He should have handled it more discreetly if it was a problem.