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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister is having Christening right after my due date

257 replies

2stayor2go · 09/07/2018 13:43

Had to NC for this as I could be outing myself here.

Sister has been going on about how important it is for her for the whole family to be there at her son's christening. She's now just WhatsApped everyone in a group chat, saying that the event will take place 2 days after my due date.

This is my first child and so I told her, it probably wouldn't suit as I would either have given birth by then or risk going into labour. She's refused to change the date despite the fact that our brother can't make the event either.

She's texted me back expecting that we'd be there (me and DH), and if not, we could just transfer her the money for the food in case I'm giving birth. After the ceremony, she's booked a dinner-thing at a nearby restaurant, and would expect me and DH to pay £65 each even if we can't make it!

AIBU to think this is extremely cheeky? Our parents have expressed that they think my sister is in the right and that we might as well go if I haven't given birth!

OP posts:
bringincrazyback · 10/07/2018 19:13

She's being a CF of the first water.

Likeapuppet · 10/07/2018 19:13

Save yourself the stress and keep it simple - ‘Hi CF, thanks for the invitation. Given our due date, it’s unfortunately not realistic that we would be able to attend - we’ll either be looking after our new arrival or i’ll be two days past my due date and extremely uncomfortable (insert emoji of choice). Thought it best to let you know our decision now so that you don’t include us in the numbers’

Or....

‘Hi CF, thanks for trying to divert attention away from our first child and on to your own. Sadly, a christening is never going to overshadow the birth of a child. In all likelihood, your christening will be overshadowed and your dastardly plan will completely backfire on you!. Ps, no, we won’t be coming!’

jeapurs54 · 10/07/2018 19:15

My Son decided to get married 1 month after my Daughter having a Casaerian and she had to travel from Durham to Essex with a new born and another grandaughter as the elder one was a bridesmaid. I felt sorry for my Daughter who had many stitches and was very brave but the wedding went off really well and everyone enjoyed the whole day.

Likeapuppet · 10/07/2018 19:16

BOTH my dcs arrived just before due date. You will be either very physically uncomfortably or you’ll have a new baby: Your sis is being extremely unreasonable to be planning it for that date (I’m assuming it’s literally the closest sundaybshe could get too which makes it really weird). It’s beyond unreasonable for her to expect you to be there whether the baby has arrived by then or not! Tell your parents to keep out of it and please don’t put yourself under stress by even considering going.

Likeapuppet · 10/07/2018 19:19

Jeapers - weddings are generally booked more than 1 month in advance though so I imagine he wouldn’t have known.

OP’s sis on the other hand has done this deliberately which is very off.

youknowwherethecityis · 10/07/2018 19:25

@zeeboo
Most first babies aren't born late.

I was in and out of hospital in 12 hours but everyone else I know was in for longer than a day. And problems I had afterwards meant I couldn't really leave the house for weeks afterwards and I was in awful pain.

I went to a gig 2 days before my due date and was fine, but certainly couldn't have gone to a christening even a month after

NorksAreMessy · 10/07/2018 19:31

Hahahahahahhaahahahhahahahhahhahahahahahahahahhahahahaha

Nope. Of COURSE you wouldn’t spend £130 on not attending. What a daft idea.

Plus : what on Earth would cost £65 a head?
Plus: Hmm

WinnieFosterTether · 10/07/2018 19:35

I don't think your DSIS could have won really. If she'd made it later, you could reasonably say a lot of first babies come late. If it had been earlier, you could say you might give birth early. No-one can judge how you're going to feel or when you're going to give birth. You can't expect your DSIS to delay indefinitely.

Either you want to go or you don't.

I'd say I was going but I would also have offered to pay so my DSIS wasn't out of pocket if we didn't turn up. It is a lot of money but it is an one-off event.

oblada · 10/07/2018 19:38

My first 2 arrived on the due dates and my third was late by 2 days. I never spent more than an hour in hospital (first one, others were home births).
But regardless of that I wouldn't commit to an expensive meal so close to due date! If baby has arrived you may be OK for Church but can't imagine you'd enjoy a fancy meal with such a young baby in tow. Your sister is bonkers.

KneesupGaston · 10/07/2018 19:38

'It's highly unlikely you will spend more than 24 hours in hospital for labour, delivery and discharge afterward.'

Seriously? What if she needs a section? I was in hospital for 5 days with DS.

kezibear · 10/07/2018 19:41

Say hell to the no about the meal. Tell her if you haven't given birth you might turn up at the baptism then make sure your waters break just as the get the baby over the font.

dragonara53 · 10/07/2018 19:43

All my babies were 3 weeks early apart from 1 who was 5 weeks late. My first was 3weeks early. Babies come when they are ready if it's a normal birth.

OurMiracle1106 · 10/07/2018 19:44

I’d be sorely tempted to say “sorry unfortunately with a baby on way/newborn we can’t wfford £130, and I’ll be due any day so not feeling up to it or would have just given birth”

My son was 6 days early and he was my first so so much for “boys being lazy” and “always going overdue with your first”

Chapterandverse · 10/07/2018 19:54

Asides all that - I could never have eaten a big meal that far on in a pregnancy. And I wouldn't have paid £65 for a meal I couldn't enjoy.

CherryPavlova · 10/07/2018 19:59

It’s odd to charge people to attend a Baptism, unless things have changed. It’s a bit odd to have an evening meal for a Baptism. They would usually be late morning followed by a simple family lunch or afternoon followed by tea.

I don’t know any restaurants that expect full payment for meals not taken. Most accept changes to numbers up to about 24 hours before a large group event with no loss of deposit. Most booked for just extended family meals wouldn’t even take a deposit.
I think you are well within your rights to send Regrets and not pay.

parentin · 10/07/2018 20:01

No No & No again!. My brother has 8 kids my sister has 3, all have been christened. I did not pay anything towards the food or drinks. However I did assist practically. Helped get other kids dressed decorated hall. I myself have 3 and none of the guests or siblings paid nothing towards the food and drinks. NEVER have I heard such nonsense. If your sister cannot afford to feed her quests then maybe she should be waiting until she saves up enough money to do so. The fact you'll be so heavily pregnant in this warm the likelihood of you having the energy or the right attire to go I would say is slim. Your sister will know this as she has a baby. So i think your sister is having other issues in requards to you attending. Do you think she really wants you there? And given your circumstances insisting you pay for a meal you ain't going to eat. You sure your sister is not suffering from envy and jealousy?

FaveNumberIs2 · 10/07/2018 20:10

Tell her to stuff it. Don’t pay, take your name off the guest list and then you don’t want to risk it.

nakedscientist · 10/07/2018 20:11

As others have said, reply that you hope to be able to make it to the ceremony but you’ll have to give the —very expensive non refundable meal— a miss.

This, with white, blue and pink ribbons on!!!!!

peachdribble · 10/07/2018 20:35

Eugh what a horrible attitude she has. I hate it when family members behave like this

ChasedByBees · 10/07/2018 20:40

That is absurd. Just decline.

SuitedandBooted · 10/07/2018 20:41

Your baby may be late or early You will probably spend more than 24 hours in hospital, as you are a first time mum. I was in for 2 days with my first, but less than 8 hours with my last. I did go to a (kids) party the day after he was born, but 1) It was a very easy birth 2) I had a tough upbringing, and am as hard as nails, with a high pain threshold, 3) I wanted some cake!

I have been to christenings/naming ceremonies in this country and abroad. I have eaten celebration meals in Michelin starred restaurants, a stately home, and even a yurt! Confused. I have never ever been asked to pay anything, because I was a GUEST!

Just decline, saying it is too near your due date, and be very clear that you are not paying for a meal - how crass!

Strawberry2017 · 10/07/2018 21:08

What a horrible sister. Even if you don't have your baby you won't be comfortable something you would expect her to understand.
RSVP no. Look after yourself as priority.
Let's face it, christenings are the dullest event to attend!

PlentyOfBiscuitsWithTea · 10/07/2018 21:12

The cheeky fuckery here doesn’t actually have much to do with your due date - that’s your call whether to go or not and she has to be aware you can’t commit and it’s highly likely you won’t be able to come - it’s the meal after ridiculousness. If she wants a restaurant meal her and her DP ought to be footing that bill!! If she can’t afford it, she should be putting on a spread at home or whatever IS in her budget.

If it were me I’d reply that I will definitely pass on the meal (eating out is not that fun super pregnant) but that if you haven’t just given birth, you will be at the ceremony.

ToftyAC · 10/07/2018 21:22

WTF? YANBU. I would not be paying the cheeky mare a goddamn penny!! Some people... seriously!

Sweetpea55 · 10/07/2018 21:25

Pregnant or not, I wouldn't be going to a christening where I had to pay, £65to hold my seat