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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister is having Christening right after my due date

257 replies

2stayor2go · 09/07/2018 13:43

Had to NC for this as I could be outing myself here.

Sister has been going on about how important it is for her for the whole family to be there at her son's christening. She's now just WhatsApped everyone in a group chat, saying that the event will take place 2 days after my due date.

This is my first child and so I told her, it probably wouldn't suit as I would either have given birth by then or risk going into labour. She's refused to change the date despite the fact that our brother can't make the event either.

She's texted me back expecting that we'd be there (me and DH), and if not, we could just transfer her the money for the food in case I'm giving birth. After the ceremony, she's booked a dinner-thing at a nearby restaurant, and would expect me and DH to pay £65 each even if we can't make it!

AIBU to think this is extremely cheeky? Our parents have expressed that they think my sister is in the right and that we might as well go if I haven't given birth!

OP posts:
Clubcuts · 10/07/2018 07:09

@2stayor2go how old is DN that is being christened? Sorry if you've already said this.

Shumpalumpa · 10/07/2018 07:18

So what did you decide to do OP?

ohfourfoxache · 10/07/2018 12:24

Yeah.....fuck that

ThatWhiteElephant · 10/07/2018 17:26

Your sister is bonkers!
Never heard of paying for your own meal at a christening and to do so if you can’t attend, bonkers!!

Sparklyglitter · 10/07/2018 17:34

That’s a lot of money to waste if you are just about to have a baby. I suggest you meet half way and say you’ll happily attend the ceremony if baby hasn’t arrived, but you are not risking booking in for the meal.

twiglet · 10/07/2018 17:35

I would reply with I will have either given birth, or will be about to pop either way please count us out of the meal numbers as it's doubtful that we will make it. We will try to attend the christening if possible.

Your not going to want to sit down for a fancy meal, she's cheeky to ask for the money and the date. So let her be self involved and just don't get bogged down with it all.

Crazyunicornlady · 10/07/2018 17:45

Whilst I agree that the cost of the meal is extortion, I think you are ridiculous to not go at all unless you have just given birth.

The fact that you are due to have a baby is just a poor excuse, the days of confinement are long gone

Theluckynumberthree · 10/07/2018 17:55

I agree- we have always put Basic buffet on for our children christening- I would never expect people to pay £65.00 each!

Agree with another poster- say you will attend the actual christening if not given birth yet and if you feel well enough too but you won’t attend the after meal - I wouldn’t risk losing £130.00!

Thebluedog · 10/07/2018 17:56

There’s no way I would have been able to attend a wedding 3 dats after giving birth. I could barely walk and I don’t think I’d even got dressed by then

I think I’d say I couldn’t make it and not to book you a meal, but if at all possible you’d go to the church

zeeboo · 10/07/2018 17:57

It's highly unlikely you will spend more than 24 hours in hospital for labour, delivery and discharge afterwards. The chances of this failing on your sisters christening date are incredibly slim. Most first babies are late too. If the baby hasn't been born, you go. If the baby has been born, you go. If you are in labour, then you cancel then and there.
She is being unreasonable excepting you to cough up for the food if you don't attend but you are being equally unreasonable in expecting the world to stop because it is around your EDD. The clue is in the title of that, it's an estimated date of delivery not a set in stone Birthday.
I held my older two children's christening less than a week before my third child's due date.

WTFiswrongwithpeople · 10/07/2018 17:57

Wtf? She’s being so bloody mean. You don’t have control over the date yet she does and chooses to be a fucking pain in the arse. Fancy saying how important it is to have family there yet your brother can’t attend and potentially neither can you?! She can take the the financial risk if she cares that much (or little about you being there). Your parents are also BU. Unbelievable. I’d tell her the change the date or risk having to pay for you both of you can’t attend.

If you haven’t had the baby before the day I’d have plenty of spicy foods, lots of sex etc the night before and hope you go into labour during the baptism. Ok maybe straight after then....😜

pollymere · 10/07/2018 17:58

To me, a christening is like a wedding. You pay for your guests food and drink. Unless you want to end up in Take a Break, you're going to have to tell her you can't risk it. It's unlikely your baby will be on time so you could easily go into labour at the Christening. Unless her baby needs to be done in a hurry, I'm sure it can wait a while too, or brought forward (I became a godmother nearly eight months pregnant!)

greendale17 · 10/07/2018 18:01

Tell her you don't want to risk paying £130 (!!!!!) if you and DH might not be able to go anyway so you'll RSVP no for the meal regardless and attend the ceremony only if on the day you a) haven't given birth and b) feel up for it.

^This. Besides I would never pay £65 each to attend anyone’s christening

BolleauxtoBankers · 10/07/2018 18:02

zeebo "I held my older two children's christening less than a week before my third child's due date." Why on earth would you do that? Just, WHY? So many things could have happened to prevent you being there, it's asking for trouble!

Jaxhog · 10/07/2018 18:05

She's texted me back expecting that we'd be there (me and DH), and if not, we could just transfer her the money for the food in case I'm giving birth. After the ceremony, she's booked a dinner-thing at a nearby restaurant, and would expect me and DH to pay £65 each even if we can't make it!
Tell her she can take it out of the the money she'll be giving you as a present for your fist babe.

Jaxhog · 10/07/2018 18:06

first babe!

Bibesia · 10/07/2018 18:09

If it's a case of paying £130 simply to hold the places open for you, the answer is simple - tell her that if she needs a definite answer, you'll have to say no. Even if you haven't given birth, I very much doubt that you'd get £65-worth of value out of that meal by the time you've discounted alcohol and everything that may give you indigestion.

Making guests pay £65 for the pleasure of attending their christening is ridiculous anyway.

lifetothefull · 10/07/2018 18:15

Yep agree with pp. We'll come to ceremony if I haven't given birth, but we won't come to meal.

Auntyof6 · 10/07/2018 18:19

My siblings would either not arrange anything around that date, or wouldn't expect me to be there. Mum and baby's health and bonding time would come first. As for spending £65 on Christening food - Fuck that right off.

corythatwas · 10/07/2018 18:23

It's highly unlikely you will spend more than 24 hours in hospital for labour, delivery and discharge afterwards

That doesn't necessarily mean the OP will be up to going to parties at as soon as those 24 hours are up. I had a pretty unexceptional vaginal delivery: I was still dealing with blood loss, stitches and finding it difficult to walk during the week after the delivery. Also working very hard to establish breast-feeding with a sleepy baby. All perfectly normal experiences. No way should I have been made to feel I was under some obligation to attend a party.

Emergency caesarians aren't uncommon enough to make them "highly unlikely" either.

SugarPlumLairy · 10/07/2018 18:36

This is your first baby, Google The Lemon Clot Essay, then see if you want to be in a church or restaurant for any length of time, fussing over someone else's child when you've just had or are about to have your FIRST.

Also... is this setting a precedent? Is she the golden child, are you the scapegoat? I only ask because her audacity demanding time and money from a first time mum, so close to delivery, smacks of all sorts of entitlement.

aliphil · 10/07/2018 18:42

It's highly unlikely you will spend more than 24 hours in hospital for labour, delivery and discharge afterwards.

Really? Of my NCT group of 8, I think only one got out of hospital in under 24 hours. I was in for 5 days with (healthy) DD. There is no way of knowing in advance how the birth will go, or how feeding will go, or ... anything much, really!

MustShowDH · 10/07/2018 18:51

Reply to the full WhatsApp group "Sorry, can't commit to the meal as I'm due to give birth two days before"

If you're feeing nice, you could extend it "but we'd love to help you celebrate so if I haven't popped we'll join you for a drink afterwards.'

People say that first babies are late, but mine was 3 weeks early (37wks) no issues or dramas, she was just ready to come out.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 10/07/2018 19:01

£56 per person for a meal after a christening? Good god! She needs a reality check!!
I would just say that if you’re able you’ll go to the church but not to book a place at the meal. She sounds really entitled for assuming anyone would pay that much.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 10/07/2018 19:03

@zeeboo what BS! 😂 I spent 5 days in hospital and most people I know who have had first babies are for at least 1 or two nights deendig on time of birth/complications etc.

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