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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by what I found out ?

226 replies

Gibraltarlady · 08/07/2018 15:02

I will try not to drip feed.

My ds (11) just came back from a pgl type of trip. Before he went, we gave a letter to the teacher for ds to read when he is there. The letter was nothing extraordinary, I was just saying how hot it is, we miss him, hope he is having fun etc...

Yesterday, when I was finishing unpacking him, I found the letter we gave him. Between the lines, he or one of his friends (he is adamant it's him but the writing is different) wrote some comments. I wrote : It's really hot here so I'm eating loads of ice-cream (not really but I was eating one when I was writing this letter. Underneath I'm eating loads of ice cream, he wrote that's why your FAT.....He wrote other things but that's the worse.

I know he was just showing off and yes I'm fat, and yes I'm definitely going to do something about it as he is obviously ashamed of me.

I told him how it made me feeling but he said he doesn't mean it and apologised so I'm not going to go on about it.

Inside I'm crushed.

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 08/07/2018 15:04

Bless you. Maybe he was embarrassed by the letter.

BrutusMcDogface · 08/07/2018 15:05
Flowers
Grrrrrrrrrr3 · 08/07/2018 15:05

Don't be sad OP

I expect some friends saw he had a letter from his 'mummy' and teased him about it. In order to show he's cool, he wrote on it and tried to show he didn't care about his 'mummy'. Inside I expect he lived the letter and probably feels really upset about what he did Flowers

Grrrrrrrrrr3 · 08/07/2018 15:05

'loved' not 'lived' the letter !

NewYearNewMe18 · 08/07/2018 15:06

Sometimes we need a wake up call sad

VimFuego101 · 08/07/2018 15:10

Did all the parents send letters or was it just something you decided to do? He may have been embarrassed and trying to brazen it out in front of his friends - not that that's any excuse for the nasty comments.

longwayoff · 08/07/2018 15:11

Honestly what do u expect. You have embarassed him in front of his peers. He's 11 poor kid. Leave him be, you put him in an impossible position. Away from home first time, feeling scared but grown up and look everyone gibs got a note from mummy. Your weight is neither here nor there. Let him grow up.

Original poster
Gibraltarlady · 08/07/2018 15:14

All the parents gave a letter !

OP posts:
TurnipCake · 08/07/2018 15:15

I think at 11 he's probably old enough to enjoy a trip by himself and maybe doesn't need letters?

It sounds like he was embarrassed by his peers and this was his damage limitation so to speak

Original poster
Gibraltarlady · 08/07/2018 15:15

The school asked us to do one - I wouldn't have done it, he only was gone 5 days

OP posts:
FilledSoda · 08/07/2018 15:16

First of all this has nothing to do with your size, it's everything to do with your son's reaction to getting a letter from mummy on his school trip.
Why did you do that ?

letsdolunch321 · 08/07/2018 15:17

Poor you Flowers it isn’t plain sailing being a parent. Put it to one side and move on

Flicketyflack · 08/07/2018 15:17

Let it go Smile

If he wants to talk about it he will, a lesson learned for both of you Sad

My son is nearly 11 and some days he wants me but most days not Grin All part of growing up (for me too)

BrownTurkey · 08/07/2018 15:18

Don’t pay the insult any attention, but do talk to your son about respect. It pains me to say it but a conversation about it from a male role model might have more impact. And it might not have been your ds. Don’t expect him to name them.

FilledSoda · 08/07/2018 15:19

Oh.I see you were asked to , so everyone got a letter ?
That's different , I expect he was trying to funny in front of his mates.
I bet he regrets it now.

Original poster
Gibraltarlady · 08/07/2018 15:19

The school asked us to write a letter - all the kids got a letter, not just my son. It was the school's idea.

OP posts:
BarbaraWarpecker · 08/07/2018 15:20

Rather than risk showing that he appreciated your letter, he perhaps felt he couldn't show his emotion and had to pretend in front of his peers, that he doesn't need his mum.
Of course he does.
It's hurtful to read but this one incident doesn't define your relationship with him. Throw the letter away, forgive him his youthful folly, and crack on as before.
There'll be more incidents like this as he grows up- teenagers have to reject their parents ( in some way) in order to separate from them.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 08/07/2018 15:21

Everyone sent a letter, that is not the issue.
No doubt one of his friends saw the letter, he was embarrassed and so wrote those things to try and be 'cool' in front of his friends. This isn't about whether you are fat or not, he was showing off in front of his friends, don't give it another thought Flowers

TroubledLichen · 08/07/2018 15:21

It’s not about your weight, it’s about 11 year old’s immature sense of humour. If you weren’t fat they would have found another way of mocking the letter. So please don’t be sad.

Maybe a friend wrote it to tease him and he’s saying it was him because he’s already really embarrassed and doesn’t want you to call the friend’s parents and make it worse. Or maybe he did it himself to show off. 11 year olds are idiots sometimes and he’s apologised so try to let this one go.

TurnipCake · 08/07/2018 15:21

Maybe he was trying to fit in with peers, maybe it was someone else?

I'd try not to take it to heart, sometimes kids can be little gits but maybe once you're a little less upset have a word?

sundancecowboy · 08/07/2018 15:22

Good that you told him how you felt about it op ~ maybe consider leaving it a while (and explore some options to help you feel better so that he can see this is what we do when we feel upset) and then at a later date explore how he felt about it ~ ask if he would do anything differently next time. Ask what he feel's about your weight ~ explain how we are only responsible for our own feelings and no one else's - so he learns it wasn't his fault you got upset.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 08/07/2018 15:22

Is anyone reading the follow up posts? All the parents sent a letter, they were asked to by the school. Hmm

longwayoff · 08/07/2018 15:24

Then I'd have a firm word with the school as this must happen all the time. Those kids will be competing over who can make classmates laugh most in the 'yer mum' stakes. Don't take it to heart. Have some ice cream and write it off to experience as mother of a boy. There will be plenty more.

longwayoff · 08/07/2018 15:27

And dont ask him how he feels about your weight! You cant seek validation from your 11 year old son.

Hissy · 08/07/2018 15:34

Your school asked you to write letters to your kids to take with them on a PGL?

What is this school? Precious Lil Snowflake Academy?

Is this a school for kids who melt in the rain? Do you all get permits to park on drives/paths/school steps to make sure they don’t melt when it’s drizzling?

Do you know what PGL stands for? 🤣

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