To think kids birthday presents should reflect on venue?

[sunnysky19]

Background: My DD is very good friends with 2 girls at primary. Due to their friendship us 3 mothers have become close over the 2 yrs often meeting up for coffee or play dates etc.
All of us are in similar financial positions, homeowners, part time jobs, DH/DP working full time, only one has 2 DC. I have 3 DC and so does another.

Issue: one mums DD 3 months ago had a birthday party in one of those trampoline parks, I believe the cost was approx £16-£17 per head. The Present I gave was a popular toy and cost £13
2nd mum hosted her DD birthday last weekend in her back garden. Nothing fancy, no bouncy castle or extra entertainment etc. She discussed the plans with us beforehand so I knew. Asked to bring swimming gear for kids to use paddling pool + had a dancing musical statue game. Food was average, sandwiches, crisps, rolls etc. Pressie I gave was again a toy not as popular at £6.

Got a msg to thank me for coming and 2nd msg saying she was surprised that she regarded us being equal friends but didn't know I favoured the other mother with a LOL at the end of her msg. When I asked what she meant she went on to say, "oh nothing really, just that the pressies made her feel less valued, it's not about the pressies but the principles of fairness etc re the kids.
Had a little chat with her pointing out mother no1 splashed out for a fancy venue hence the present there.
So mother No2 just debated it's a personal choice with venues, both birthdays were of equal fun and enjoyment. DD is a guest regardless of venue and I shouldn't judge on it financially, but be fair to maintain good friendship without ill feelings. Also adding she didn't mind spending the money on a venue like last year but as the weather is lovely it seemed a waste to be indoors hence the garden party this year. So it's not her being petty and stingy.

I did apologise to her that she felt like that to keep the peace but AIBU to believe the presents given should reflect the cost of a do/venue, if it's a simple party a simple present would suffice and if it's a fancy party to increase the budget to reflect that or that they should be given equally in cases like this. Re equal friendships between kids... ??

Sorry it's so long but opinions would be appreciated so I could re-evaluate my principles here if I ABU.

I'm thanking the Lord I do not know any of these women. Give both your heads a wobble, FFS and grow the up!

How incredibly smug, materialistic and shallow. Why do we need to know that you're homeowners who work part time with husbands that work full time ? What are you trying to insinuate ?

This is a despicable way to treat children. I buy my sons friends presents based on their interest, cost really dosent come into it as long as they get a present they will enjoy. Plus budget dies not allow me to pay much over £7 per present I certainly don't keep tabs on who bought what for other people's kids or mine. The mentality of the OP us completely ridiculous.

seasure
How incredibly smug, materialistic and shallow. Why do we need to know that you're homeowners who work part time with husbands that work full time ? What are you trying to insinuate ?

I assume as they have to work overtime that they are short of money.

Just to add to my other point. My sons best friend of 7 years has had one birthday party in that time. He either has a day out with family or asks my son over to play. I buy him a present every year based on the fact that he is my sons friend, not because we get invited to some expensive party. Surely you give a present because you love and value that person, not for what you can get out of a situation.

URGH

This makes my skin crawl. Imagine OP sitting there with her readers on totting up the price of sandwiches and jelly with a little pencil and then punishing a child accordingly. Grim

We once had a joint party with a class mate. It cost quite a lot of money and we went to loads of effort. I even made a massive birthday cake and all the biscuits and cakes. One parent brought presents and gave the other classmate a really expensive, large gift. I know this because the child opened it in front of me. She gave my son a gift and we opened it later. This parent had clearly either won this on a hook a duck in some crappy circus or had got 3 for a pound. It was a small bike made out plastic like pipe cleaners and collapsed as I took it out the cellophane and immediately chucked it in the bin.

I get that she was better friends with the other classmate, but as mentioned upthread, the parents in my class are really well off. I really do not expect an expensive gift for my DC but one thing that I cannot abide is zero thought. I would never give a child a gift like that, I would feel really awful about it.

I guess what I am trying to say that when it comes to gifts it really is the thought that counts and not the cost.

She was very rude to come back to you on it, but my goodness! It would never occur to me to consider the cost of the party as an indicator of how much I’d spend on a present!
One of my friends regularly does her own parties - imaginative games, does all the food. Costs less, but so much more effort and personality. Others can afford more expensive parties, some can’t. Whatever, I buy something I think the child will like, if a close friend to DD or DS, Ill spend more. I can easily imagine the woman being a bit miffed by an obvious discrepancy in comparable toys, although I think she was out of order to actually mention it, but I really think you’ve got this wrong, and I think most people would think the same.

Somtam, no one here says that a kid’s friendship is worth more than another’s, what a silly thing to say. It’s just that sometimes friendship is nonexistent- kids are simply neighbours, classmates or acquaintances, so then a generic gift is sufficient. But when my dd goes to her best friend’s party, we spend more time and money to find a present that dd knows her friend would really enjoy.

M dgs birthday party, age 4. Everyone brings a gently used book as a gift and each child takes home one of the books. No cash outlay for present and each child gets a newish book including the birthday boy.

Far too much is spent on gifts.

LadyB49 that seems like a lovely idea to me now, but as a child I would have been absolutely gutted to get no presents at my birthday party.

Tawdry they get family gifts. It's the birthday party gifts that are modest. And this is done at the friend's parties also.

Tringley I bought the birthday boy a Ford Fiesta, I hope that's suitable. 😆