A favour from an unpaid lodger gone wrong

[craxmum]

Hello everyone.
Disclaimer: I am really bad at reading people's emotions and intentions (think Sheldon Cooper level of people skills), thus this topic.
The situation: A good friend asked me to house temporarily her close relatives (a couple), who found themselves in a tough situation and are, for valid reasons, unable to rent anywhere at the moment. I had a free room, so said no problem. The agreement was that they don't pay anything, but will help with minor errands around the house (the girl works occasional cleaning jobs at the moment and the guy works cash in hand at the construction site). I am usually out of my breath with two small children and a full-time job, so I thought it would be great if someone could, say, accept a delivery or unload the dishwasher.
After a month (after no offers from help from their side, and generally being very awkward), I thought I'd make a move and asked the guy if he could hang two shelves for me in the utility room. He said sure, no problem. I showed the approximate level I want them to be at. And then came home to this.
I am not quite how to take this? As "f**k off and don't ask me for favours anymore"? A bit lost. The issue is not with the shelves - I can get a handyman in to fix this - but with the message behind it.

I'd ask them to go today. They can go to your friend's. You owe them absolutely nothing, OP. They have sponged off you and haven't fulfilled their side of the bargain. If you give them a week's notice, nothing will be safe in your home.

This. And if friend can't put them up, it's AirBnB.
PS. Lock up your valuables before you tell them.

It is mainly an aesthetic problem as far as I can see. I also think many replies are coloured by the fact that people wouldn't have agreed to take the couple in in the first place as that would be seen as too much to ask in their (western) culture. In other cultures where State structures are not too reliable, people have come to rely upon each other much more.

I would hate for them to be turfed out in their difficult circumstances over a bit of sloppiness, rather than deliberate disrespect. I would give him the chance to rectify it and, later, another job, specifying exactly what I want. I'd assess his attitude and execution before coming to a decision.

You’ve more than repaid the favour! Tell your friend it’s not working out and you need your room back and tell the couple they have to leave within a week. Have a new lock ready to put on when they leave. Changing a lock is easy.

He works on a construction site. He could just be an unskilled labourer. Where does self-employed builder come from?

Air bnb is an expensive way to live long-term.

Agree with pp, it sounds like you’d be best off with this pair out of your house.

They’re not paying for anything (despite the fact that 2 extra people will be pushing up your usage of electric, gas, water, broadband etc), and they’re not helping out either.

Even if you feel unable to accept money because you fear getting a massive fine from the authorities, surely they could have contributed financially by doing something like buying all your groceries? (Are they buying their own food?)
And equally, there’s no possible reason why they can’t proactively volunteer to do routine household chores. Someone who’s staying long term in your home rent free should be offering to help out, not sitting back unless you specifically ask them to do something.

It really sounds like they have no respect for you and that they’re just taking advantage of your generosity.

Why don’t you just ask him why the shelf is like that?

I would ask him straight out.

Tell him that you need a word about the shelves, then point at them and ask "what's happened with this one?" His response would determine whether I asked them to fix it or just to leave.

Get the the hell out. I've watched enough landlord eviction programmes to know they might not leave at the end. Could delay house sale etc etc

However we feel about the difficulties they have faced, a room for a month rent-free us not such a bad deal. They might have been expected to be falling over themselves to help out and repay the favour.

Just trying to see this from all sides, who actually agreed that they would 'help out'. Could it be that your friend sold it to you that they would help in return for the room , but somehow owed them something so that they were nit made aware of the expectation of helping out? Did you ever talk to them about it.

Still think they are in CF territory, and agree that a weeks notice and change lock barrels might be in order. No good deed goes unpunished, eh?

Lodgers have no rights apart from any rights the OP has given them. So they can be asked to leave with no notice even, though that would be cruel unless you are in fear of them.

I can picture them now, always 'down on their luck' and every single time it's someone else's fault. Not because they're lazy work shy freeloaders...

@charlestonchaplin
Thank you :) I am usually afraid of confrontations, that's why I was asking if this could be interpreted as something else other than "f**k you" (really, trying to find my way out of initiating a difficult discussion lol). On my personal scale this is beyond the "confidence interval", statistically speaking, for sloppiness and closer to a deliberate decision, so was just wondering what on earth this could be.

I don't have an issue with helping people like that and yes, I am not from a western culture, rather one operating under a strong diktat of extreme hospitality / being a good and generous host. In return it is expected, of course, that the guests are sweet, helpful and amusing.

It seems I'm wrong about the 'no notice' bit, but you don't have to give very much notice and since they don't pay any rent they aren't even lodgers.

Given their situation - questionable immigration status, possible tax evasion and all the rest - I'd have thought they'd be so glad to have a decent place to stay that they'd keep to any reasonable arrangement you'd made

The fact they don't want to would tell me everything I needed to know about them. The favour's long since been repaid, so out they'd go

craxmum, I'm not saying he hasn't done it deliberately, just that I'd like to be sure before turfing them out. I also wonder like a previous poster whether your friend made them aware of the agreement to help out. Or she just assumed they'd be so grateful for accommodation that they would 'of course' help out. Not realising that some people do the minimum they can get away with in every situation.

They are away for the day, coming late today, so cannot discuss it right now. I went away for a walk with the dogs+children in the morning while he was putting the shelves up, came back and saw the result.
They are buying their groceries and no, i don't charge them for anything. We sat down before they moved in, and I explained that i would appreciate some help around the house in return - I mentioned the dishwasher, deliveries and mowing the lawn, but we never discussed a precise list of things to do - they said they would, of course, be happy to help, and sounded very grateful at that time. Probably they think I am a CF asking for too much now :)

I would say you dont owe anybody anything.

Are your "guests" from the same culture as you, OP? I wonder if they should know the expectations from your perspective of this type of arrangement?

I think if you WANTED to continue the arrangement until the end of summer as you originally offered, that you might want to sit down and have a review.. each person outline the joys and woes of the situation and make some agreements moving forward. I think I'd ask directly about the shelves as a separate issue from the general expectations... In the former, he needs to fix them. As PP have said, his attitude/explanation will explain a lot. In the latter, I think it would be helpful to set up more specific arrangements in terms of how the couple contribute to being in the home, so that they can't claim they didn't understand what was expected of them?

Perhaps he’s not very bright and it’s stupidity rather than malice. However, they haven’t helped you out as discussed. Have they done anything for you at all eg mowing, cleaning, looking after your dcs, making you food etc? Not by the sound of it. There was a thread on here a few days ago about someone, who’d housed her friend and bf only for them to be messy, take over the house, disrespect her and steal her cleaning products and coffee as a parting “gift” with no word of thanks.

@TattyTshirt
She is not illegal. She held a visa as a spouse of an EU citizen (i.e. this guy, they are married), but when it came to applying for permanent residence, the Home Office refused her as they could not find any documentary proof that they are still married (despite issuing a spouse visa to her twice before with no qualms). I checked the references with their solicitor, I was not willing to take a personal risk to allow someone genuinely illegal.

Can't he rent somewhere, or is it also because he has no proof of income?

I would consider just asking outright "what's up with shelf hanging?" See what he has to say! DH has made some interesting DIY mistakes in his time and not noticed

Can you think through some other tasks you would like them to do...

Obviously if the response about the shelf isn't ok you know they are CF and can deal with it accordingly!

If the house is to go up for sale , even more reason to get them out now in case they decide to stay longer than the summer.

You will have to declare to solicitors that they are staying there and if they refuse to sign the letter stating they will vacate the property once sold you will lose the sale.

This has so many wider implications than just a wonky shelf !