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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A favour from an unpaid lodger gone wrong

186 replies

craxmum · 08/07/2018 10:48

Hello everyone.
Disclaimer: I am really bad at reading people's emotions and intentions (think Sheldon Cooper level of people skills), thus this topic.
The situation: A good friend asked me to house temporarily her close relatives (a couple), who found themselves in a tough situation and are, for valid reasons, unable to rent anywhere at the moment. I had a free room, so said no problem. The agreement was that they don't pay anything, but will help with minor errands around the house (the girl works occasional cleaning jobs at the moment and the guy works cash in hand at the construction site). I am usually out of my breath with two small children and a full-time job, so I thought it would be great if someone could, say, accept a delivery or unload the dishwasher.
After a month (after no offers from help from their side, and generally being very awkward), I thought I'd make a move and asked the guy if he could hang two shelves for me in the utility room. He said sure, no problem. I showed the approximate level I want them to be at. And then came home to this.
I am not quite how to take this? As "f**k off and don't ask me for favours anymore"? A bit lost. The issue is not with the shelves - I can get a handyman in to fix this - but with the message behind it.

A favour from an unpaid lodger gone wrong
OP posts:
eddielizzard · 08/07/2018 11:07

i'd ask them to start paying rent.

bluebell34567 · 08/07/2018 11:07

i think maybe they are acting stupid but they are not.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/07/2018 11:07

They don't really know how to help themselves, do they?

You have to tell them to leave. You don't really need to give them a week, thought that would be nice of you. Just tell them to go. It is unlikely that any amount of sitting down and talking it through will convince them that they are in anyway constructing their own predicament and you are not their mum.

Deep breath and tell them to leave!

Whipsmart · 08/07/2018 11:08

First, get him to fix the shelves. He should at least do that!

Make a list of thinsg you'd like them to do, that they can start on right away. If they um and ah about doing them, or do more passive aggressive stunts like the shelves, you can say "Or if you prefer, you can just pay rent instead. I charge x per month." Hopefully they'll decide to move out and you won't feel that you've done your friend a disservice. I'm curious to know what favour she could have done for you which is equal to you letting 2 stragers live in your house rent-free, though!

Velvete · 08/07/2018 11:08

I don't know anyone who would have agreed to that arrangement in the first place. Seriously.

He re does the shelf and they move out- today.

martini · 08/07/2018 11:08

Can't he just rent a place in his name then she can stay with him

Whipsmart · 08/07/2018 11:09

Actually, forget that. Get them to fix the shelevs then leave immediately. I somehow missed that you've already had them there for a month! You've definitely repaid any moral debts you migt have had!

OzMumofBoys · 08/07/2018 11:09

Surely they can rent privately? Explain situation to a private landlord?

pigsDOfly · 08/07/2018 11:11

Well, even if she can't rent in the normal way, there was nothing stopping them paying you rent.

Actually, the pp who said they should go today is right. And make sure you get your keys back and then change the locks.

TiltedTowers · 08/07/2018 11:12

You have repaid the favour.

In their shoes I would have been unloading and reloading and offering to put on clothes washes and offering to hang them out and go and get milk and I would have tried to slip quickly in to a routine of helping where I could help without looking for endless instruction.

They have not done this.

StepBackNow · 08/07/2018 11:13

Get them out.

Original poster
craxmum · 08/07/2018 11:15

@OzMumofBoys
It's not about private vs public, private landlords are also fined up to £20K if they rent their properties to someone without the right to rent in the UK.

Thank you everyone. I am bracing myself for a talk tonight. I am usually meek, relaxed and conflict averse, so it will be a challenging task :)

OP posts:
Limpopobongo · 08/07/2018 11:17

Hoof them out for your own peace of mind..

Zucker · 08/07/2018 11:17

They are all taking advantage of you OP. Why cant they pay a private landlord or stay at a B&B until her visa problems are sorted out?

As for the moral debt to your friend, are you expected to carry that with you until the day you die? That debt has been paid.

You are working full time with 2 children, you don't need to be carrying to kore overgrown children. Give them their notice and I'd be having a rethink on the friendship with your friend in the conveniently too small flat!

Cutietips · 08/07/2018 11:17

They sound lovely. He’s working cash in hand, so presumably not paying tax. They’re not offering to pay you any money towards your exoenses. Then they have the gall to put up shelves that don’t line up. CFs indeed.

Ellisandra · 08/07/2018 11:19

Unless your friend gave you an alibi for murder, a month of housing these two has more than morally paid your debt. Get rid. Fair enough no rent as a favour, but please tell me they’re feeding themselves and giving you a utilities contribution?

Those shelves utterly take the piss.

AnyFucker · 08/07/2018 11:20

They are taking the piss

Roussette · 08/07/2018 11:20

Ellisandra that made me laugh, yes must be an alibi because I could not stand to have two lazy strangers in my house for one night, let alone a month!

SD1978 · 08/07/2018 11:22

Regardless of what you feel you owe your friend- this couple have not respected you. They have done nothing to help, and when asked to help, have done this. Talk to hen, explain that there was supposed to be some benefit for both- rent free for them and some help (basic respect at the lest) for you. Then explain to your friend, and show them the photo, as to why you can’t continue to have them. I would hope your friend would understand. I would be very disappointed in the couple, and embarrassed I’d asked my friend for a favour and they’d been disrespected like that.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/07/2018 11:24

Bloody hell. I’m shocked they have no one else who’ll agree to help them Hmm

Tell your friend you’ve had enough and they have to go. Don’t give them a week. You and your DC will be on edge as they’re rude sponging arseholes who are taking the piss out of your goodwill.

It’s your home. They’ve made themselves unwelcome.

GlitterGlue · 08/07/2018 11:24

It’s not your responsibility to house them. Ask them to leave. They can stay in a cheap hotel or hostel with the money they’ve saved by not paying you rent and not paying tax. And I’m hugely dubious about the so called admin error with the visa. Not stopping him renting, is it.

ElspethFlashman · 08/07/2018 11:25

A month housing two cheeky lazy fuckers rent free = favour repaid.

ElspethFlashman · 08/07/2018 11:26

And if they have money, they can rent a fucking AirBnB.

Original poster
craxmum · 08/07/2018 11:27

Not an alibi. We come from a country where you need to know someone who knows someone to get things done. She pulled her strings at the right time to ensure that one of my elderly relatives got emergency treatment and proper rehabilitation after a stroke - sadly, the usual approach for over 70's there is to leave them as they are, with only symptomatic care. It gave us another two years together.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 08/07/2018 11:27

I would have an actual conversation with him and explain that you need the shelf sorting out. Also that your expectation was that in exchange for their free accommodation, they would both be helping out more around the house. Get a list of agreed things they will do and a timescale that's reasonable for them to be done in.