AIBU to disagree on being too old to be a mum

[thefinn]

I guess that's pretty much it. DH and I have been happily married for a decade now, were together for five years before marrying. We are happy as it is with our pets but I would love to be a mum. I get down however anytime if I mention this to family and friends however. They all feel we are too old, both having turned 34 this summer... it makes me sad but a part of me feels I am being U and maybe everyone has a point.So wwyd?

But I think French2019 might be surprised at my education levels and ...um circles I move in considering I had my two in my twenties. That's a good example of the snobbery.

It's not an example of snobbery at all, it's a well established fact that women who are more highly educated and/or work in professional careers tend to have babies later than those who are less highly educated and/or work in more routine/intermediate occupations. Obviously, that doesn't mean that some very highly educated and professional women won't have babies in their twenties or even earlier. It just means that they are less likely to do so.

This isn't a judgement on anyone, it's just a statement of a general terms trend. There is plenty of research to back this up.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5942881/Woman-34-reveals-relatives-think-OLD-start-family-husband.html

@TigerTooth your post is way more judgmental than the one you quoted. Doing all those things you mentioned doesn't automatically make you a better parent.

Agree with French & Tiger here. Like me, most of my friends, work colleagues etc, did not have children until well into our 30s. We did all those things that although may not make us better parents, perhaps might make us better role models?
My younger sister was never interested in education or travelling or career...or even working all that much. Continuously hooked up with the wasters in town. Had a child at 20, and is a grandma in her 40s. History repeating itself I’m afraid.

@TigerTooth your post is way more judgmental than the one you quoted. Doing all those things you mentioned doesn't automatically make you a better parent.

I'm aware it was a judgemental post - but evidence based as they were clearly teen pregnancies - and I think mid 30's is a better time for motherhood than teens.

I never understand the banging on on these threads though about travelling and university. Not everybody wants to do those things, shock horror.

Oh FFS!
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5942881/Woman-34-reveals-relatives-think-OLD-start-family-husband.html

Why do people keep saying “oh FFS” when the Mail pick up on topics?

It’s a public forum, yes you need to sign in etc to post, but the content itself is free for all to read. They are “quoting” content they didn’t produce in order to get tons of comments on their site and satisfy the advertisers. Nowt anyone can do about it.

And no I don’t work for the sodding Mail.

It’s not about the travelling or the going to university, or whatever people happen to choose. It’s more the fact that they have simply lived (and thrived?) as an adult in their own right, and what ever they have done has hopefully enabled them to be emotionally mature and financially independent.... everything a 19 yr old, including my sister, is not!

Typical Mail sloppy journalism but there again, what do you expect? : if Jessica Rach I hesitate to call her a journalist had bothered reading a bit further, she would have found out that not only was the OP not a British woman, for whom English was not her first language, but a bit further on is not even in the UK but in another Western European country

Oh no. I didn't realise this would interest the daily mail, imo this was rather "boring" AIBU. But maybe it's a topic that does involve emotions and I am surprised how many have had someone close commenting on these things. Doesn't bother me in the slightest really that it it's there.. dh was shocked :D

34 is not too old! I know loads of people who have had kids in their 30s and 40s

I was 34 for my first. In my nct group the ages ranges from around 27 - 28 up to 39 and 40 (pregnant with twins) so I was pretty in the middle.

The average age to have a baby now is around 30 I believe so it's not far away than that.

Yeah it's more tiring than it would have been when I was 18. But I am more patient and have more money to pay for a cleaner and things to make my life a bit easier.

When I was born my mum was 30 and was classed as a geriatric mum as it was old at the time. Then it went up to 35. I asked my midwife about it for my second and she laughed and said I wasn't old, they don't class as old now unless you're over 40 and even then they monitor you closely but it's not that uncommon for it to be medically unusual now.

It totally depends on demographics. I believe in some towns 20 is the norm and in the posh areas of London it's nearer 40. It's also much older for people who've even to uni

I know plenty plenty people that have not been ready for a family til mid 30s and it's generally working out fine for them

One thing I have noticed is if they have more than one they tend to have the second quite close together as I guess get more worried about fertility after 35ish

My advice would be to crack on!!

Er...sorry, but what sort of society do you live in that thinks 34 is tool old to be a mum?? I had my DC at 35 and 38. No complications and very healthy babies. Slightly less energy than I might have had at 28 but tons more wisdom and tolerance! Most of the mums I know are 35 plus.

Bloody zombie thread!

Haha, that's just laughable. I had my first at 30 and was first of all my friends, I felt like a young mum! As for not enough energy, utter codswallop. I'm onto number 3 and still manage to get through the day. Shocking really, given my ripe old age.
Do what you want to do and tell them to sod off.

I’m 36 with a 6 week old. You’re not too old

I was 33 nearly 34 when I had DS - my own DM was 36 when she had me.

I had my son at 34. I know loads of women who had their first child older than that

So get shagging woman!!

I had mine at 28 and 31 but I would sooner be 35 than 18.

This thread is making me feel so much better! Me and my DH thought we were done having our family almost 10 years ago . We are going to see about a vasectomy reversal . It will be our 3rd DC if we are lucky. My DM and df both looked in shock and said but raspberry should you be having another pregnancy with your age etc, I'm 32! Glad to know it's the normal range here

I was 35 when i met my husband. 36 (almost 37) when i had my first lg and 39 (almost 40) when i had my second. She's 7 months and sound asleep next to me now

Why are you even asking other people's opinions about something so important?! Bit odd - don't you trust yourself and your husband to decide? 34 is not remotely too old!

I was born in 1987, my mum was 35 and my dad 42. You are not too old until your body and your doctor say you are! I am ttc at 32 and my DP 37. Fx for you

34? Quite normal I would say. I also thought you were going to say you were 40-odd.
being told my time is up and no way do I have energy for a child
I've heard this before, but I think the thing is that a lot of people can't imagine having the energy for a baby when their own children are about 10, so people who had their babies in their early 20s can't imagine having the energy for a baby in their early 30s, but they forget that you have made it to 34 without having had any babies yet so you've still got plenty of energy!