AIBU to disagree on being too old to be a mum

[thefinn]

I guess that's pretty much it. DH and I have been happily married for a decade now, were together for five years before marrying. We are happy as it is with our pets but I would love to be a mum. I get down however anytime if I mention this to family and friends however. They all feel we are too old, both having turned 34 this summer... it makes me sad but a part of me feels I am being U and maybe everyone has a point.So wwyd?

I thought you were going to say you were late 40s. And even then I would have said that if you want a baby and you feel able to have a baby then just go for it!!

At 34 you'll be a similar age to all of my friends that have children. My DS is 5 and I have been to so many 40th birthday parties for parents of other children his age! I had DS at 22 and in my circle of friends that is seen as really young. Everyone assumed that I was a lot older just because they all were!

maybe your family wants your attention so you are not distracted with a baby. that would be very selfish. you definitely not old to have baby, you have maybe up to 44-45 years of age to have baby.

At 38 and still planning my first after recurrent losses so 34 is totally young

I had been with my husband 14 years married for 4 years when I had my first age 38 then second at 41. Ignore everyone, do what is right for you and your husband

I'm 41 & feel very broody!

I was 37 when i had my DD - not to old at all x

34? You are a spring chicken to me

After being with my dh since we were -18 he sadly died when I was 37. No children tho had been ttc for past 5yrs

Out of the blue I met someone 9mths later. He was 45 and had 3 kids in their 20’s

I said how much I wanted a baby tho would be ivf as had infertility issues

He agreed (mad man)

Took us another 4yrs and 5 private ivf to fall preg at 43

And I was 3mths off being 44 when have birth

Df was 50 when our dad was born

Yes I would have liked to be younger but mother nature’s didn’t play ball for 10yrs

Im 45 next week. Dd is 15mths and df now 51

She is our world

So no you aren’t too old

Ridiculous. Get busy.

Think this is a regional/ and (ready to be flamed) class thing. Women who have careers (and not just high paid) are leaving it later to have kids. It’s harder, and takes longer to get on housing market, and it’s harder to find/ we are maybe a bit more choosy about our partners than maybe our parents were so babies come later. Plus I think a lot of people these days recognise they want to do a bit of travelling or focus on having fun/ themselves a bit first. We are all a bit more selfish. Nothing wrong with that. Life is harder than for previous generations in many ways.

I was in my late 30’s not by choice but I certainly don’t feel old compared to my peers at the school gate.

I really think this depends on where you live. But biologically of course the older you get the more risks but at 34 I wouldn’t think twice. Imagine you started in your late 20’s, it might take that long to have a third. So unless you are planning 5 kids you’ll be ok. Average age now is 30. In 1965 it was 27.

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/bulletins/birthsbyparentscharacteristicsinenglandandwales/2015

My mum had me when she was 20 (I was an accident but she and dad were already engaged ).

I only had ds when I was 39 - but there again, I only met dh when I was 32, got together when I was 33 and we got married when I was 37. Took the decision to ttc within a year and then took less than a year to conceive.

My mum was a wonderful grandmother - but unfortunately, she had a cycle accident at 66 and eventually died from the consequences of her injuries at 71. Shit happens

My dad however is still going strong at 81 and I fully expect to have him around for another 10-20 years (going by his family history ) as should mum if it hadn't been for her accident

At 57, I'm fit and healthy - as is dh (59). If anything, ds keeps us young - but I think we'd have been running, cycling, rugby refereeing, exercise DVDing, Pilates-ing, anyway . I'm even considering starting playing rugby! (Or at least, going along to the Ladies' pre-season training Ds will be mortified but he's off to Uni in September so he's not going to be around anyway )

It's not selfish to delay it - you will still be a good mum/parents whatever age you have your kids . Indeed it's arguable that it's better and less selfish to be in a good/the right place emotional and financially. But the downside is a potential personal one as you have less time to investigate if there are problems - and especially if you want siblings (speaking from experience and two MMCs ).

I had 4 after 34. FOUR. At 36, 38, 40 and a surprise bonus baby at 42. Yes it is more tiring as you get on in age but so what? My littlest is here with her head on my shoulder and she is more than worth the fatigue.

36 and trying for my first!

We had our first when I was 34 and husband 38 you are not old if you want a child go ahead. They definately make you feel younger anyway xx enjoy

Thank you everyone who has commented and shared your stories. It was interesting and comforting to read them.Seems like I'm not alone in that people take it upon themselves to comment on the right age to have DC whatever "right" is. I am not from the UK but from a western european country so it's more small town mentality as someone said plus the fact that my family and friends and even colleagues have all had their children young or do not want them at all. Feel much more calm now x

I had my second child at 42. A lot of women in their forties have children these days, so 34 is definitely not too old! (Your family and friends are ill-informed - don't listen to them.) Good luck!

That is crazy! I had my first at 35 and sencond baby at 38. Definitely not too old. Go for it! ☺️

34 is a great age! It can get more difficult to conceive as you get older though. My doc once mentioned to me to ‘hurry up’ when I was 37 if we were thinking of having children! Hubby and I were together for 10 years, married for 3 when we had our first DD. I was almost 39. When I just turned 42, I had my second DD. All good. Now at 46, I’m dog tired and def too old!!!

Having kids is something special alright and no woman should be denied the opportunity to carry and have them if they want. It took us a year to fall pregnant so if you’re going to do it, go get busy! :-) Good luck and don’t listen to those eejits telling you that you’re too old! Xoxoxoxo

My first baby came on my 35th birthday and he was at least 10 days late. My second was a little girl and I was 36. They are now 24 and 25. My mother had me when she was 34 turning 35. She had my brother at 36. She was born in 1923

My mum's attitude really leaves a lot to be desired when it comes to me and Dh having dc. About my miscarriages she actually said they were nothing to be sad about because my latest was at week 12. I once mentioned to her that a part of us wanting to wait is because although me and my siblings never really went without I witnessed too many money fights (my parents divorced). I did try to tell this as gently as possible to mum and I have even said i admire her for being such a great mum to me and my siblings at such a young age.I'm touched! I wish I was exaggerating but nope.. for my mum especially it always was important that one of us give her a DGC.

Now that it hasn't happened yet and I am the one with a husband she makes these insensitive comments. I can't put it in words what it means to me having been able to hear everyone's stories and sweet comments!xxx

My mum drilled it into my sister and I that THE ABSOLUTE WORST THING was an ordinary life, marrying young and having kids. She was 20 when she had my sister and 22 when I was born. She was unmarried, in 1060 and back then, she described people crossing over the street, to avoid the “fallen woman”. My sister and I were both “mistakes”. I think some of that shame rubbed off on me and I didn’t have children until I was 38.i felt, in my mind, that I must be married before a family. I regret this hugely. At 19, I had a termination. My boyfriend at the time ran away from the situation, my mum was devasted and relieved when I had a termination and said I could now “get on with my life”. I didn’t want to be a single mum, like my mum was. I thought (and still think) I did the right thing. I was a very immature 19yr old.

OP, this is your life. Try to let what she says go over your head. Your mum sounds about as sensitive as mine.

1060 !!!

Meant to type 1960 😊

Too Old! That is totally nuts . I am 43 and have a lovely 5 week old grinning in her sleep in front of me . My eldest DS born when I was 32 and my second DD born at 35 . My 3rd surprise and lovely surprise at that at 43.
You will be an awesome mum. Best wishes to you .

My Husband and I married young, didn’t have children till we had been married 11 years, 1st at 32 and 2nd at 34, absolutely normal, lots of people have kids nowadays later in life. Think your family are being very old fashioned in their opinion.

I had my babies at 39, two weeks after my 41st birthday and 42

You are a spring chicken my love!

I had DD at 33. She is 7 now and I am definitely 100% not too old to be her mum. I have loads of energy, I am great fun (even if I do say so myself) and have a fab career with flexible working and plenty of money for us to do fun things.

I'd say 20 was too young!

Your mum is in her early 50's then so has plenty of years ahead of her to become a grandmother, however she's not "entitled" to be a grandmother and has no right to demand grandchildren and then throw a strop when they don't arrive when she wants them.

My mum had me when she was 18, and while she was mature beyond her years my dad certainly wasn't, my childhood was good but there was poverty and arguing for the 10 years they were married, consequently I wouldn't plan the same for my child. I know 34 year old me was a better mother than 18 year old me would have been.