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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to disagree on being too old to be a mum

625 replies

thefinn · 08/07/2018 00:33

I guess that's pretty much it. DH and I have been happily married for a decade now, were together for five years before marrying. We are happy as it is with our pets but I would love to be a mum. I get down however anytime if I mention this to family and friends however. They all feel we are too old, both having turned 34 this summer... it makes me sad but a part of me feels I am being U and maybe everyone has a point.So wwyd?

OP posts:
bakingdemon · 11/07/2018 09:17

I will be 35 by the time by baby is born at New Year. Having a very low risk pregnancy so far and all the signs are that my baby is healthy. We were TTC for about five months before we did. Go for it!

LadyRochfordsHoickedGusset · 11/07/2018 09:18

I don't like the way this is turning into judging younger mums.

And the thinly disguised class snobbery.

Icanttakemuchmore · 11/07/2018 12:43

I had my last child just before my 35th birthday.

Curious2468 · 11/07/2018 13:08

I thought you were going to say you were in your mid to late 40s. You definitely aren’t old to be having kids at all! Fairly standard these days I would have thought

BounceAndClimb · 11/07/2018 13:59

I'm surprised some posters are saying mid thirties is the average age now.
A quick look up showed statistics of 28 being the average UK age of a first time mum and 30 being the average UK age of any mum.
Dads average age was slightly higher at 33.

French2019 · 11/07/2018 14:10

I'm surprised some posters are saying mid thirties is the average age now. A quick look up showed statistics of 28 being the average UK age of a first time mum and 30 being the average UK age of any mum.

You're right, but I'm not at all surprised at people thinking that. I think the average age varies hugely according to things like education level, professional status etc. If you move in circles where most of the women you meet are educated professionals, then it's probably very unusual to come across women having babies in their twenties.

I had my dd at 32 and it felt very early compared to the vast majority of my peers. However, there were plenty of mums in the hospital who were much younger than me, so I realised that my friends and family weren't necessarily typical.

prettybird · 11/07/2018 14:35

This is an interesting article about the benefits of older motherhood.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/mar/27/whats-the-best-age-to-become-a-mother

Also interesting that the average in Denmark is even higher than in the UK.

Actually, if you click through to the ONS statistical bulletin - and from there to the even more up-to-date one, the average age is continuing to increase: from 28.6 to 28.8 between 2015 and 2016 for first time mothers, and from 30.3 to 30.4 for all mothers between 2015 and 2016.

mintich · 11/07/2018 14:42

I hope not as I'm 37 and pregnant with my second! Had my first at 36

Isolde21 · 11/07/2018 15:09

I have two teenage children and twin gals aged 5 months (an utterly joyful surprise).

I am 50, pulse of an athlete with the wisdom, experience (and incredible luck) of being second time round parents.

joy.

Outraged by '50 is too old' comment . There is no blueprint for perfect time your mind and body will let you know when you are done.

Original poster
thefinn · 11/07/2018 15:57

I'm sorry if I have mistakenly hinted that there would be something wrong with having children at any age. There was a lot of pluses growing up with young parents for me personally. I don't find any age more selfish than others. I've been lurking for a few years but never was brave enough to post before now. I'm "glad" not to be the only one who has faced such comments... and very surprised this thread got this long. Pleased to read mums at every age are enjoying motherhood xx

OP posts:
surferjet · 11/07/2018 16:11

Op, there are pros & cons to having children at any age.
I had my dd at 22 & feel a lot more ‘connected’ to her if that makes sense. We grew together & will obviously spend more time together. My last child was born when I was 37 & I have really noticed the difference. I genuinely feel ancient compared to him Grin however, I’ve loved being a mum ( & was defo more relaxed with ds ) & feel blessed to have experienced motherhood at both ends of the scale.

IAmLurkacus · 11/07/2018 16:16

OP I was a teen Mum, I haven’t found anything offensive about any of your posts.

I wish you all the luck in the world I’m incredibly sorry to hear of your MC’s Flowers

Calmingvibrations · 11/07/2018 16:30

That’s crazy talk 🙈😜. Maybe you need some new friends. Nearly Everyone I know who has kids had them mid 30s onwards. Know of a few people had them early 40s.

Go for it!

TheBigFatMermaid · 11/07/2018 16:38

I had my last at 39.

BitchQueen90 · 11/07/2018 19:48

I was a young mum at 22 OP and I'm not offended at all. Pros and cons to having children at any age. I'm glad I made the choice at the age I did as I'm sure all of us are.

Plus I'm looking forward to absolute relaxation when I'm in my 40s. Grin

Xenadog · 11/07/2018 20:23

OP, the right time to have a child s when you’re ready and this varies from person to person. My Dsis had her first at 17 and her last at 38. I had my one and only at 40. Only you can decide what’s right for you but don’t be forced into anything by family or friends, it’s your life and your decision.

If I’d had dd at 38 I would have tried to have another almost immediately but I felt 40 was a bit late for then having another. Having said that, my mum had me at 44.

Iizzyb · 11/07/2018 20:57

I'm 46. DM was 34 when I was born, 39 when DSis born. She is now an absolutely amazing nana to my DS (born when I was 40).

I have a group of friends I met at playgroup and we are all similar age. All have happy dc's and everyone is healthy.

You are so not too old. Key issue is do you two actually want dc? X

ilovewelshrarebit123 · 11/07/2018 21:00

I was 38 when I had my first and only child. I'm 48 now and she's a blessing.

Ignore others and get practicing! 🤪

Marmite27 · 11/07/2018 21:04

Had my 1st at 35, 2nd at 37.

You’re not too young! (Medical issues aside).

Took us 5 months or conceive DC1. 1 month for DC2, so fertility decline isn’t always an issue either. (DH was 34 & 38 due to how birthdays fall at conception).

celticprincess · 11/07/2018 21:05

I was 32 and 35 when I had my children. Plenty st the baby and toddler groups older than me as well as younger.

lynzpynz · 11/07/2018 21:06

34 year old here, 32 wks pregnant with my first. I’m the second youngest 1st time mum in my ante natal class if it helps!

LadyRochfordsHoickedGusset · 11/07/2018 21:49

My comment wasn't aimed at you at all OP.

But I think French2019 might be surprised at my education levels and ...um circles I move in considering I had my two in my twenties. That's a good example of the snobbery.

Mumto2two · 11/07/2018 21:52

34??! Are you serious?
Had my ‘young mum’ child at that age..and my next one a whole decade later!

Serendipite · 12/07/2018 04:53

Yeah it depends on the social circle one has. Most people I know became first time parents from 35 up.

TigerTooth · 12/07/2018 07:19

Well I'm 38 and have a grandson so I personally would consider 34 old to be starting a family, but loads of people have children in their mid thirties so it's not like it's unusual.

Gosh - did you both have them at 19 then? Or one of you an even younger teen pregnancy?
Are either of you are still with the fathers of your children?
Were you financially secure?
Did you both travel, go to uni, forge a career?

I think that Op's age is a far more sensible age to become a mother than 19 or younger and you're not in a position to judge.