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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel upset that they 'felt sorry for me'?

281 replies

GamoraT · 06/07/2018 17:33

I'm a cleaner in a big train station. I didn't dream of becoming a cleaner and it's by no means my ideal job, but it's mine and I do it well. A bunch of women walked past me on my shift recently and I heard them say that they felt sorry for people like me, doing jobs like the one I do. This has stuck with me for a few days now and I feel I need to post about it. Do people really see those who are doing jobs such as mine as less? People they need to feel sorry for? I just don't know how to feel about that comment and am gutted that that's how I was categorised...

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 06/07/2018 17:35

I don't see it as less personally.
There are many positives of such a job - less stress presumably/hopefully than others.

InTheLightOfTheMoon · 06/07/2018 17:36

Ofcourse people feel this way. Surprised youve only just realised this? I feel sorry for people who clean toilets.

LynetteScavo · 06/07/2018 17:37

Many people would fell bored and struggle financially if they had such a job, so maybe they can't understand for other people it's a perfectly good life.

I feel sorry for all sorts of people, those with a long commute, who have to put DC in childcare etc...because I wouldn't like it...doesn't mean they think their life is crap.

It was very patronising for them to say what they did.

araiwa · 06/07/2018 17:38

In terms of jobs theres not much worse really

Caribbeanyesplease · 06/07/2018 17:38

I’m afraid I’m going to pee you off perhaps but I do feel sorry for train cleaners. I don’t like cleaning my own toilets let alone the general publics

NewYearNewMe18 · 06/07/2018 17:39

On another thread, a poster remarked the measure of a job is whether you would be happy for your children to do it.

Many jobs are unpleasant but necessary; a brain surgeon can't function without someone to clean his theatre for him. Everything in perspective, everyone has a value.

I'm grateful you do you job, but no, I wouldn't want to do it by choice - I've seen the state of London Bridge Station toilets on a Friday night, full of vomit, over flowing with paper towels stuffed down them, the pan full of diarreah and I pity anyone having to clean up mess like that, be they a cleaner, or a carer, or a nurse.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/07/2018 17:40

Absolutely not! I’ve had all sorts of different jobs over the years and there are good and bad bits about all of them.

I’ve never been a cleaner but have friends who’ve loved it and would hate an office job. Loads of people don’t like the idea of being a carer but I have very happy memories of that job and it’s amazing the stories people will tell you when you’re wiping their bum or rubbing clean onto their sore legs. I look back now and don’t have a clue how I hacked the physical demands of it.

pullingknots · 06/07/2018 17:40

That was very rude of them to make such a comment within your hearing (bad enough to say it at all).

There are so many jobs I would loathe to have, many of them quite aspirational ones. The last thing I'd want to be is a doctor, for example.

Just keep focussing on you and ignore idiotic comments from people who get a kick from looking down on others

BarbarianMum · 06/07/2018 17:41

"Less" is a funny way to put it. I certainly wouldn't view it as a desirable job but well, it's honest work and someone has to do it. I wouldn't think less of the person doing it but equally im glad it's not me.

9amTrain · 06/07/2018 17:41

I'm a cleaner and I'd feel sorry too. And the toilets I clean aren't even as horrific as train toilets etc.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 06/07/2018 17:42

I'm not sure as I feel sorry exactly but when I'm moaning about my job I do look at our lovely cleaner and think I could be worse off. It's not the actually job of cleaning it's the money. I know how much I get through and I wonder how someone on minimum wage or £10 an hour (or whatever) have a quality of life.

However that's my issue because I am very sensitive to money having been completely destitute at one point.

Angrybird345 · 06/07/2018 17:42

It was rude for them to say that in your hearing, but some people aspire to do other jobs, hence the comment. Everyone’s different.

ThunderInMyHeart · 06/07/2018 17:42

They're rude as hell for saying that within ear-shot of you.

However, as you've asked: yes, I would feel sorry for you. I just wouldn't want to clean anything! Then again, I'm a City lawyer...and a shitload of people would feel sorry for me too!

AnyFucker · 06/07/2018 17:43

I am sorry you were upset by that offhand comment.
Jobs like yours are important
I might not fancy doing it myself and that is ok. They still have to be done or everything falls apart like in all institutions.To show contempt for those that do them is beyond the pale.

pandamodium · 06/07/2018 17:43

Yes, I'm a carer.

I was in a more "professional" role and chose to go into the care field because I wanted to make a difference.

I've been asked if I'm happy wiping arses and all manner of shite.

MrsEricBana · 06/07/2018 17:43

Perhaps it was a hot day, dirty station, people rushing everywhere and they just meant they felt bad that anyone was having to do work like that and were emphathising with you, not looking down on you. I quite often see people doing unpleasant jobs and think poor them that doesn't look nice but definitely not looking down on them at all, in fact probably admiring them for doing a task I wouldn't fancy. Please don't feel bad. You are doing a great and very worthwhile job. I do get it though - when I was 22 I had a low level job and customers were often very patronising to me with no clue about me or why i had that job.

Original poster
GamoraT · 06/07/2018 17:43

I don't mind my job, the pay is better than minimum wage and I live off it combined with my partner's wage quite easily. The toilets aren't that horrendous and when they are blocked we call someone out to unblock it (that's not my job).

OP posts:
ShutTheFridgeUp · 06/07/2018 17:44

I certainly don't look down on people who clean for a living. I used to clean hotel rooms, and whilst it's not the most thrilling job in the world, it was a job and I needed one.

I don't look down on anyone in paid employment. They are contributing to society.

bumbleboots · 06/07/2018 17:45

I think you are a valuable member of society doing an honest job which is better than most. Don't let casual remarks make you feel bad. I personally look at cleaners and think they must be really strong because I wouldn't have the energy to do it. Sorry on behalf of their ignorance

Slanetylor · 06/07/2018 17:46

I wouldnt think anything like that. I know some cleaners, a few who work for themselves especially do very well for themselves. I had a lab job testing blood and poo for bacteria so I couldn’t judge anyone else. I have worked in meat factories too and other fairly yuck jobs. When you’re doing the work you take no notice, but other people do turn their noses up I suppose.

Original poster
GamoraT · 06/07/2018 17:46

Can people at least understand why this has upset me?

Nobody wants someone to feel sorry for them. My life really isn't that bad.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 06/07/2018 17:46

I don't think it's about seeing you as less, at least I hope not, more they were expressing it was a crappy job in their view and felt sorry for anyone who did it. That doesn't mean they think less of you as a person.

You know it's a job that folks wouldn't really do if they had other options, although it will have its benefits, and I have personally utmost respect for those that do it to earn a crust, and don't just sit relying on hand outs or someone else to pay their bills.

So be proud, you're doing what you need to to pay your bills and that's worthy of respect in anyone's eyes. Don't misinterpret it to mean it speaks to you as a person, I really doubt that's what was meant.

theymademejoin · 06/07/2018 17:47

I would feel sorry for anyone who feels the need to make someone else feel bad about themselves. She was a nasty, insecure woman.

There is nothing wrong with working as a cleaner or as anything else. I respect someone who is willing to work for a living and takes pride in their work.

Florene · 06/07/2018 17:48

It might have been in relation to something specific?

So for example if they had seen someone littering, or they'd been in a toilet that someone had left in a mess, and then they saw you doing your job, putting a human face to it, they maybe had that realisation that sometimes people can be dicks in how they treat others.

I feel sorry for anyone who has to clean up in excess of what they should have to, just because some people don't know how to behave. Doesn't mean I don't value the job though. Probably the opposite.

Without you and others like you, I would probably never want to travel by train again!

Bluntness100 · 06/07/2018 17:49

Then again, I'm a City lawyer...and a shitload of people would feel sorry for me too!

Seriously this is the thread you chose for the stealth boast? Seriously?

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