to feel upset that they 'felt sorry for me'?

[GamoraT]

I'm a cleaner in a big train station. I didn't dream of becoming a cleaner and it's by no means my ideal job, but it's mine and I do it well. A bunch of women walked past me on my shift recently and I heard them say that they felt sorry for people like me, doing jobs like the one I do. This has stuck with me for a few days now and I feel I need to post about it. Do people really see those who are doing jobs such as mine as less? People they need to feel sorry for? I just don't know how to feel about that comment and am gutted that that's how I was categorised...

Jesus. I’d lahve to know what they do: some frigging non-job where they talk about ‘blue sky thinking’, ‘working smart’ and ‘cascading relevant information’. I’m a blue collar worker who would pit my intellect against any of the meds students who failed to name a single Jane Austen novel on ‘Pointless’, anyway if the week. Any job performed well should be a source of pride. We’re all just doing this bloody dance for about seventy years, and none of it really fucking matters, in the end. I feel sorry for people who are so badly brought up that they smear lavatory bowls with shit and talk loudly about pitying the people who clean it up. Fuck ‘em.

@Bluntness100 I chose to ignore that comment...

Yes, I understand. All through my life I have hated it if I thought people felt sorry for me.

It has coloured many of my responses to situations such as getting cheated on, infertility, miscarriages, being raped etc

any day of the week. Oops.

The toilets aren't that horrendous and when they are blocked we call someone out to unblock it (that's not my job).

Do you feel sorry for this person? (I do!!)

I wouldn't say it because it's a rude thing to say. But the way I do it is if I would be happy with my kids doing it. And I wouldn't want my kid to be a cleaner. So I guess I would feel bad for you but I would never say it.

Arf @ the stealth boast. Some people cannot resist.

Mind you, I just did a stealth misery plop

If someone has a shit job that isn't properly compensated you either feel they deserve better or you feel they are a shit kind of person that deserves it (there are a lot of people who feel that way about people like you and apparently aren't ashamed to say it because I've heard them say it). My mum is a cleaner, yes I feel sorry for her and I feel sorry for you. It's not right that the women who do the work the world pretty much needs to keep turning are not paid properly. You say you get more than minimum wage, I'm pretty sure those women do too and either more than you or for work that's more pleasant. Your life literally is worse than theirs and that's what they were responding too, I don't know what exactly you mean by "not that bad", but it's pretty relative. I'm glad you're okay with your job and that you at least get more than minimum wage but I'm not also okay with it and I won't pretend I am. But of course your feelings aren't unreasonable.

Gamora, yes, ignore it something wrong with some folks.

And I get it too. I grew up in some very bad circumstances and I still recall the smarting humiliation I felt sometimes when I realised people felt sorry for me, even as a child. Not the same, but I get it, no one wants people feeling sorry for them.

Then again, I'm a City lawyer...and a shitload of people would feel sorry for me too!

Seriously this is the thread you chose for the stealth boast? Seriously?

I don’t think it was a stealth bpast I’d you have insight in to that job. Two closest friends, both magic circle lawyers.
They are on their knees. Battered. By the demand of the job. 3am finishes, taxi home, back in office for 9. Seriously. I feel sorry for them.

Seriously this is the thread you chose for the stealth boast? Seriously?

It wasn't meant as a stealth boast, quite the opposite. It was meant in the same way that people have said 'I would hate to do an office job with blue sky thinking'...or someone saying 'I pity you having to work those hours and winding up on anti-depressants'

The point is: people have different values and will find something wrong with any job or pity anyone for the job they have. It's just swings and roundabouts/horses for courses.

I get why you’d feel bad about that comment. Like your lot in life is so low people can’t see anything other than it being pitiful.

For what it’s worse, I think you do a good, necessary job, you obviously get decently paid and actually I can think of plenty worse things to do, so I’d never feel sorry for a cleaner.

It's not right that the women who do the work the world pretty much needs to keep turning are not paid properly

Oh please don’t make this a gender issue.

I bet the person who has to come and unblock the bogs is male.
Plus there’s always loads of male cleans at train stations.

@Caribbeanyesplease no I don't.

I think it's sad that people think we are defined by our jobs.
I earned what would be considered a very good wage in a highly technical role.
I have all that up to be a sahm and now earn very little.

I am the same person regardless of which office door I walk through in the morning as are we all.

Besides, it's not 'a stealth boast'..it's just a fact. That is my job. And a PP just clarified, it's long hours, 3am finishes for nights on end, being shouted out by your boss and your client...a lot of people pity that.

Any job/employer can be pitied, so the OP shouldn't feel singled out or targeted. People will deride all jobs for all manner of reasons. It's not personal.

Yes, I can understand why this would upset you.
You shouldn't let it though.
It says more about them than it does about you.

Well I guess they meant because of some of the stuff cleaners have to deal with, other people disgustingness and bodily excretions.

Of course it is also the stereotypical go to job when talking about people in low paid menial unvalued jobs.

You are right. no one likes to have people feel sorry for them/pity them. But everyone feels sorry for someone at some point and everyone has people feel sorry for them at some point. It's strange why it is so uncomfortable for the person being felt sorry for, tbh. I wonder how that comes to be?

She might have meant something particular or she might have meant that cleaners are lowly in comparison to herself. Who knows.

Anyway have some because it has upset you and it would upset me too.

Of course I’d be upset! I’d hate anyone for feel sorry for me. But it’s something I say often too. That I feel sorry for whoever has to do clean up a mess, or deal with a tantrum, or feed a huge crowd but I wouldn’t actually mean I feel sorry for them. Just that I appreciate what a big job it is.

It would upset me too to feel that other people pity me because of the job I do. It would make me feel... small?

I feel sorry for quite a lot of city lawyers- depends what you do of course but often very little quality of life and usually worse paid than I am in my 9-5 job.

I feel sorry for cleaners in a way, because there are so many choices taken away from your life on that way. I’ve been a cleaner myself (at school and uni) so tend to assume people are doing it for other reasons (fits round childcare, studying etc) than it’s just their full time job for the foreseeable

Was it related to the heat? I'd hate to docsrtsin jobs in this weather and anyone working in a shoe shop, kitchen or equally hot/sweaty conditions I feel sorry for....not because they're job is being judged, more that it's awful having to deal with eg kitchens, measuring sweaty feet etc when it's so damned hot!

I subscribe to Tim Minchin's view that I will judge harshly anyone who treats someone as "lower" for doing a particular job.

You have a strong work ethic and contribute to our society. Regarding cleaning toilets,what is the big deal? Doctors and nurses deal with blood and all sorts. I haven't changed a dirty happy for years, but I would soon get used to it. Be proud.

I don’t think it was a stealth bpast I’d you have insight in to that job

It was a stealth boast and unnecessary to the thread. And I do have quite personal insight into the role that I won't go into to avoid derailing.

The difference is a magic or silver circle lawyer has many other options. They are there through choice. They can gain employment in smaller firms and work less billable hours. The op will have fewer options nor is she remunerated as well.

So yes there are many difficult jobs, but few people feel sorry for a magic or silver circle solicitor who fought and trained long and hard to gain employment there.

I think you feel bad because you think that their feeling sorry for you equates to them looking down on you. (They might or might not ) This would irk me too. I've worked as a cleaner and in McDonald's and been a chambermaid in hotels, I never appreciated the thought of people thinking that I was somehow less than them either because of my job. It happened sometimes though, erase it from your mind.