to feel upset that they 'felt sorry for me'?

[GamoraT]

I'm a cleaner in a big train station. I didn't dream of becoming a cleaner and it's by no means my ideal job, but it's mine and I do it well. A bunch of women walked past me on my shift recently and I heard them say that they felt sorry for people like me, doing jobs like the one I do. This has stuck with me for a few days now and I feel I need to post about it. Do people really see those who are doing jobs such as mine as less? People they need to feel sorry for? I just don't know how to feel about that comment and am gutted that that's how I was categorised...

@GamoraT

I don't think it's ever okay to treat someone working a job as beneath them. I have respect for anyone that goes out and works.

I know how it feels for people to look down their nose at you with a previous job I had. I feel sorry for them that they feel so insecure that they need to look down their nose at others to make themselves feel better. It's truly pathetic behaviour.

This: I have respect for anyone that goes out and works

And this: Their ignorance is their own problem and should not be yours.

Op - hold your head high and be proud of yourself.

I have had a similar scenario with a neighbour, who has berated the retail jobs my kids have had whilst studying. She made a stunningly bitchy remark when DS got a job at 17 with a clothing retailer (which he kept for 18mths through 6th form and then worked again at in first year at uni) and made it clear that retail work is beneath her boys (age 17 and 19), just recently when my 18yo DD got a till job at a supermarket to work in, and help fund, her gap year.

She now wants the eldest to have a summer job and I think is just realising that he cant just walk into a top office job or something related to his degree, especially given that he has never done a days work in his life. Neither of her boys have! Its not as if her boys are rolling in it either, as she and her DH are tight with money and wont bankroll the kids.

My DD on the other hand is on well above NMW, getting lots of overtime now she has finished college and can afford to run a car (part bought by us, part by DD) that is the same make and newer than our neighbours!! She is also gaining so much confidence and pride in working and earning money, as all workers do.

It's a job which needs to be done. You take a pride in what you do and you do it well, which makes life more pleasant for passengers and other station users. Ignore what that stupid woman said; she clearly thinks an awful lot of herself.

I’m sorry this happened to you. Some people can only feel alright about themselves when they are shitting on somebody else.
I feel sorry for my daughter. She is an EMT. Her work shirt is tightly woven polyester. She has carried on this week, doing 13 hour shifts, all the while dealing with poo, urine, vomit and phlegm. She loves her job and is proud to be an EMT despite many comments from family and friends, saying she is too bright to be in EMS and should at least be working on her nursing degree.
People love to stick a nose in where it’s not wanted.

Feeling sorry for someone because they do a particular job isn't the same as looking down on them or feeling contempt for them - I can understand why hearing the remark made the OP feel upset, however.

I'm a cleaner and a midday supervisor in a school. I'm not really bothered that people feel sorry for me. I certainly don't feel sorry for myself (well, apart from when almost every single window in the whole bloody school needs closing!)

I was a cleaner, and the first time I realised that people might find me of less interest because of that was when we were at a party, and a man asked me what I did for a living. When I told him, his eyes sort of glazed over, and he said "Oh, right". Then wandered off. Later in the evening I "accidentally" dropped my Mensa membership card right next to him, so he had to pick it up for me....

I was also a cleaner but also as life hadn't worked out as planned. I was a talented musician at school but had a lot of trauma. I got a cleaning job in a school and was wiping down the music dept when I heard a student play my A level piano piece. Broke down and sobbed!

There's something horrible about being pitied.

This. I get what you are saying OP.

I think,, any job, where people are 'anonymous' might be seen as one to be pitied so people on the other end of the phone, cashiers, shelf stackers etc. I'd feel more pity for someone doing telesales than someone cleaning.

I worked in a city job where people lived for Fridays to roll around. There was a huge amount of upset and spite in the office. I often looked at the people coming in to replace the plants and clean the office and envied their jobs.

It is all a matter of what you are personally happy with isn't it. If you are a qualified doctor but can't work legally and instead work as a cleaner, then I'd feel sorry for you. If you are a parent, and want to work hours that suit your family life and the money is enough for you, then I wouldn't feel sorry for you. I would not see cleaning as a demeaning job once you are relatively happy doing it and can live off the money provided you have other options if you ever decide to leave your current job.

I give kudos to anyone getting off their butts and working.

I would feel sorry for you if it’s something you didn’t want to be doing. If you’re perfectly happy in your job then I don’t! I feel sorry for people with highly stressed jobs and long commutes - not because they’re bad jobs but because I wouldn’t want to do it! Sorry they said it within earshot but hold your head high and be happy with yourself is all you can do

Your job is far more valuable than most of those done by the thousands of commuters who pass by you each day, most of which add nothing to human happiness. I've never found myself thinking "What the world needs is more office workers."

Christ alive how patronising are some of you?

Am I in the Victorian times where a servant doing an ‘onest job, thank ee kindly mum, was similarly head patted by the middle classes?

I used to do a cleaning job at an industrial laundry, it's an honest job and the only demeaning thing about it is the assumptions people make about you.
I was doing this during the summer holidays when I was a law student but people used to talk to me as if I was a small child and make comments about how nice the polish smelt!
Part of my role was to clean the dry cleaning shop which was open to the public and a customer came in asking if his trousers had been located yet (he had been in before and the trousers had gone astray). Whilst the assistant was looking for them he turned to me and explained in words of one or two syllables that if they didn't find them he was entitled to a replacement pair of a similar quality and value, I can't tell you how hard it was to not turn to him and agree that he was - under the Supply of Goods and Services Act 1982, along with the relevant section and subsection which I can't remember now, and then explain that the laundry had very high standards for their cleaners.
I bit my tongue though because I knew that he was trying to explain why he had been hostile, even so I was offended by the assumption he had made about my intelligence.
The point I'm trying to make in a long-winded way is that; no, it isn't unreasonable to be upset at being the object of someone else's pity - it was misdirected and smug and they clearly felt their position in life is elevated above yours.

I wouldn't look down on anyone working legally to support themselves and their family.

OP

You make the world a better place. Your job is very important. I am not sure I do make a difference. My job is very well paid but I make no difference to lives of ordinary people. I feel sorry for myself that I need the status to be content. Anyways some of the lovely ladies that clean my work place are very interesting indeed. I have had better conversations with them than my colleagues.

OP

If people's pay was based on their value to society, the world would look very very different.

People like you would be millionaires!

But sadly this isn't the case. I have had a lot of shit jobs over the years. My thinking was that I was always self employed and that my "employer" was just my best customer. Somehow this gave me a sense of perspective and also made me feel (at least in my own head) more equal to my boss. It was also amazing to notice the didference in peoples perception and reactions to me. Some people actually thought I was the manager! Just because I would say things like "we will get that sorted" or "I've been pulling front all morning" (retail job! No idea why restocking the sweet counter was called that). Anyway don't feel bad. People just make snap judgments.

I work for a film and TV studio as a prop menager/set designer. My job is considered one step up from a runner. But the way I see it, "

the film ain't getting made if the actors ain't getting dressed"

Onwards an upwards eh!

They shouldn't feel sorry for you or anyone else doing a job unless they know your circumstances.
I feel annoyed that anyone has to do a job they hate or don't want to do because they have little choice but to assume cleaning is a lesser job is ignorant.
I know cleaners who love their job and take pride in it.
Those who say 'I could never do that' need to realise it says something about them...not about the bloody job!
Someone HAS to do these jobs so they deserve respect not pity.

The trouble is, any job that involves coming into contact with the public puts you at risk of encountering idiots, pure and simple. Don't let it get to you. Such comments reflect entirely on the women making them - karma will get them.

As a teacher I come into contact with the public in the shape of the pupils' parents, who are mostly very supportive, but even then you can get the very occasional misguided idiot - and you have to maintain your professionalism with them even though you want to tell them where to get off. However, you know that somewhere down the line they will see the light (usually where their DC is aged 16 and the chickens are coming home to roost) - and you can think 'well, I told you so. You'd have done well to listen at the time...'

So OP, seriously - think no more of it. It's not worth it. Know your own worth and be confident in that knowledge.

It's a stupid thing to say.
You have a job and you do it well and people should respect you for this, not feel 'sorry'. You should be proud that you are not a benefit scrounger, like so many in this country.
Every time I go to a busy shopping centre, Waterlooo station or concert, I am very grateful that the toilets are clean.
I certainly appreciate what you do GamoraT. I always make sure I have a big thank you and a smile for the toilet ladies.
Please don't let comments like that get you down

Hi GamoraT
Nothing wrong with your job and it sounds like you are content with your life which is more than the majority of people can say! So ignore if you can.
I totally get the not wanting people to feel sorry for you, but if they are going to pity everyone who isn't in their dream job that's a lot of pity!!

I would feel sorry for you, yes, but not because you're a toilet cleaner but because you probably work long hours for minimal pay, even if it is above minimum wage. I think people like you should earn a lot more and I'd be happy to pay more tax to fund that.

I wouldn't see you as a lesser person than someone who earnt more though and nor would I think those people would necessarily be happier.

So yes, sorry because I don't feel you're appreciated/paid enough but not sorry for you as a person because the richest people can still be sad. Plenty of famous people have committed suicide haven't they?

I don't think money bring happiness but I do think it takes away a layer of worry in life and that's why I think you should be earning more.

I do feel sorry for people in jobs like the OP's. They're usually treated like rubbish with low pay and having to clean up other people's mess (which on a station I can only imagine is horrendous). I've had similar ones before. I had to work supporting my parent and their partner and my siblings by working in a potato packing factory. I'd never wish it on my worst enemy.

Due to the dirty general public with no manners I would feel sorry for anyone having to clear up the mess. I am angry at ignorant people who leave a mess as ‘the cleaners will get it!’

Can’t help but feel there is a lot of patronising virtue signalling faux sympathy here.