to feel upset that they 'felt sorry for me'?

[GamoraT]

I'm a cleaner in a big train station. I didn't dream of becoming a cleaner and it's by no means my ideal job, but it's mine and I do it well. A bunch of women walked past me on my shift recently and I heard them say that they felt sorry for people like me, doing jobs like the one I do. This has stuck with me for a few days now and I feel I need to post about it. Do people really see those who are doing jobs such as mine as less? People they need to feel sorry for? I just don't know how to feel about that comment and am gutted that that's how I was categorised...

@Caribbeanyesplease you also just made it about gender saying the person who comes and unblocks the toilets is male? Sometimes they are, sometimes they aren't. I've had plenty of women come and unblock a toilet for me! Not a big deal they just have a machine that does it and I carry on with my job.

I don't see cleaners as 'less', but in an environment like a train station, I probably do feel a bit sorry for the cleaning staff - if some people had a little more consideration and few more manners their job would be a whole lot easier!

It's not the job I feel sorry for them about, it's the impact thoughtless people have on them and their job.

Hi OP> i'm surprised so many people have said they would feel sorry for you too. Why? I wouldn't. I respect anyone who has a job and does it well.

Did you read this gorgeous, happy story the other day? This will put your mind at rest about how respected and valued some cleaners are by the people who benefit from their work. And he clearly does his job with pride and dignity.

I'm really sorry some small-minded snobbish people have upset you. They don't matter.

I once had a job stuffing envelopes in an office. One day the bosses went out for a long lunch and when they got back one boozed up self-important woman said how much she pitied me doing such dull manual work. I was so pissed off about how rude she was, I told her I loved it - that it was so mindless it was like being paid to meditate. Very soothing for the mind and soul. That shut her up and she ended up saying she felt quite jealous of me. She lacked the imagination to see how a menial job could be rewarding as well as useful to society.

The unhappiest people I know are millionaires.

It's tactless to say it aloud, and I wouldn't 'feel sorry' for you as such in a condescending way. I do believe that it's bloody unfair and part of the shit socioeconomic system we live in that cleaners don't get paid a fair wage for the work they do.

Anyone who works full time should be paid a wage they can live reasonably on, without needing top up benefits or needing to split living expenses with a partner/ house share.

You could be an as yet unknown literary genius with heaps of energy writing your novel in the evenings for all I know, if I saw you cleaning at the train station. You could be studying something you love, or fulfilling your human potential in some other way. Or you could be cleaning because you've had a bloody bad run of luck, and are just trying to keep going.

I wouldn't feel sorry for you as such simply by seeing you clean the toilets, without knowing your story and how you felt about it. Crucially though I wouldn't assume that 'being a cleaner' is all there is to you.

I feel glad that someone is doing the job. I'm more grateful than pitying though I do wonder how people make ends meet doing low paid jobs in London etc.

Feeling sorry for someone doing a certain job isn't suggesting that the person is somehow considered lowly. If anything they were sympathizing with you, showing compassion. you said yourself it isn't what you would have chosen and it isn't what most people would choose.

Why do so many people have an issue with bring bring the reciving end of concern or pitty? Ive never understood it?

I don't feel sorry for you. At all. Your work doesn't define who you are or your value to the world. You are fit and able and doing a job that is essential.
I imagine there are thi gs you want to do with your life. You have goals. But if someone can't see a person behind the job then their view doeant matter. They lack the capacity to understand how people function and no doubt are addled with the stress of what others think of them.
Fuck em

I used to be a cleaner in a care home and had the same thing.
I loved my job!

Just turn around and say 'well as lots of surgeons have to deal with poo and wee, I guess I'm in good company' and leave it at that!

I would feel MORE of you for choosing to do a job I find quite unpleasant - maybe I imagine it worst than it is.

It sounds patronising, but I don't believe that people are defined by their job. Some folks would absolutely hate mine, and think that working stuck in an office all day for a boss is just hell. I don't feel bad if they say they feel sorry for me.

I do find the reverse snobbery cringing. One poster might be a city lawyer, so what? How is it a stealth boast to state what you do? If you believe that, it only means you are ashamed of your own place, which is ridiculous

I felt it was necessary to make the City lawyer comments because, objectively, a lot of people would think highly of it, would never thin to make a disparaging comment, would (much like Bluntness has done) say that a City lawyer is lucky and has lots of options (and that is why I made the comment).

I don't and neither do lots of City lawyers. I'm not doing my job through choice. Because the industry is so competitive, I couldn't have a Plan B. I went all chips in, and now, through my own choices, I have no other career options.

I've been to counselling and have been on anti-depressants. It ain't a stealth boast.

Heck, City lawyers feel sorry for City lawyers.

It's all relative.

Then again, I'm a City lawyer...and a shitload of people would feel sorry for me too!

Not a stealth boast- I totally understand what the pp meant. When I was a City lawyer, my life used to revolve mainly around work and thinking about how I could kill myself. I am not being flippant ether. I feel genuinely sorry for anyone who works in that environment- much more so than cleaners. I realised how much it warps your mind when I thought to myself that the best thing for me would be to jump in front of a train and then I realised that maybe quitting my job would be more sensible....

I also understand what you mean, OP. I wouldn't want their pity either- it's just a form of judgement.

Might it be because they DON'T see you as "less" that they feel sorry for you? They feel sorry for someone they see as an equal doing a job they wouldn't like to do?

Thunder arrogant much ?

Yes I can understand why you were upset, it comes across as they think they’re better than you but if they said it within earshot of you then I’d imagine they meant they felt sorry for you doing manual work in this heat, I would when I’ve been sat in an air conditioned office all day.

My friends cleaner arrives at her house in a much nicer car than I’ve got, wears what she likes, charges what she likes and is her own boss so I definitely don’t feel sorry for her, she’s got a cushy job as far as I can tell

Thunder

Don’t rise to it. Some mumsnetters have a real problem with highly qualified professions.

Perhaps they meant sorry about a particular aspect of the job?

I completely put my foot in it last week. I said someone had a 'rubbish job' and they overheard. What they hadn't heard was me saying before that comment that their manager had set part of their task up incorrectly which meant the person had to do more physical work than was necessary. It was 'rubbish' that they had to complete an unnecessarily physical task. I felt awful when I realised they'd only overheard part of what I said.

I understand completely why the comment bothered you. The woman who said it judged you and your job and decided that because she wouldn't like it that you must not like it either, cue the public patronising exclamations of pity. Nobody gets to decide what is right for you except you. Nobody gets to decide that you ought to be miserable with your lot in life. Her comment was so full of assumptions and judgements and I would I have found it very unwelcome too.

lynmilne65, no, not arrogant much. As violets just said, suicide is real in the City too. It's not all banker lunches. I was once in a lift at work and thought, 'god, if this faults and crashes to the ground, I reckon I would be just hurt enough to not die, but could get a week off in hospital'

Stealth boast still?

Thunder arrogant much?

Unless you have done it, you can't comment. Seriously. Maybe it suits some but I had to leave because otherwise I actually would have killed myself. Around half of lawyers have alcohol or drug issues, far higher than the average for the population. Ask yourself whether you think that is because they are all doing such nice, wonderful, cushy jobs or whether it could be something else.

And like the pp, I know exactly what she means about not feeling qualified to do anything else. That's how I felt too. I had degrees coming out of my ears, but I felt utterly trapped, like there was nothing else for me at all and like I had no skills that meant anything. I did get out of it eventually luckily.

Wtf. OP you have nothing to feel sorry for you about. You are out there earning an honest crust and working hard to support yourself in combination with your partner. What is wrong with people passing judgment on what other people do for a living?

I feel grateful for people who do jobs which help us all function well as a society and make the world a better place. That includes cleaners, dustmen, bus drivers and brain surgeons.

I wonder what job the women who felt sorry for you do that makes them feel so superior?

This is one of those threads where I’ve no idea what’s going on. I literally cannot relate to what’s been said. My friends who are cleaners have no commute, no childcare costs, pick and choose their hours and their fees.
I’m literally lost. Is this an English class system thing?

i feel sorry for you because i dont want to clean toilets.

i feel sorry for teachers because i dont like kids.

i feel sorry for drs as i dont like whinging little bitches or old people.

i also feel sorry for myself as i have to take my daughter to brownies soon and i want some gin