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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have let dd stay off school today

354 replies

abitannoyedtoday · 06/07/2018 10:34

Name changed for this as could be outing.

DD is in year 10, so 15 years old. Today is careers day. No lessons, the day is based around careers and alot of it is focused on how to conduct yourself in a job interview and the children will be doing some pretend job interviews with teachers.

All fine so far, no problem with any of that. In fact it sounds great.

But the letter home at the beginning of the week said children need to go in 'business attire'. They suggest suits and tie for boys and skirt or trouser suits for girls with heels. If they do not have business attire they can go in school uniform.

DD does not have anything 'business like' because, well, she is 15 and hasn't needed things like that so I just said to her to go in her uniform.

Last night she was sobbing her heart out because she said no one else is going to be wearing school uniform and lots of people have bought clothes and shoes to wear specially. I cannot afford to buy business attire for a one day thing at school.

For the record their school uniform consists of a blazer, tie, trousers or skirt so basically would pass as business wear!

This morning I decided to let her take the day off as she could potentially be the only one in school uniform and she was really distraught at the thought of this. I mean, this isn't like just a non uniform day where they can wear their normal clothes so I am a bit annoyed that the school really havent thought through the impact of requesting business attire for a bunch of 15 year olds when their uniform would be perfectly fine.

DD is very smart, in top sets and is hardly ever off and won't be missing actual lessons anyway, just career guidance which I can help her with in most areas.

I feel like a really shit mum to be honest because I couldn't take her shopping to buy something to wear for this. I know thats not the schools fault but I am a bit cross that they haven't considered this might be an issue. So AIBU to have let her stay home. Shes not just dossing about, shes working with me today so kind of career related I suppose.

I've put my hard hat on because I know its very frowned upon to let children miss a day of school for anything other than illness.

OP posts:
gorgeoushazydaysofsummer · 06/07/2018 10:37

That's a real shame. She could have got some good ideas for careers she'd like to try/careers she hasn't thought of.

It does sound like the school was trying to do a good thing but cocked up a bit. I'd contact the school and say you couldn't afford the new clothes (which would only be worn once), so they can rethink for future.

Couldn't you have got something cheap in Primark/Peacocks, though?

Maybe your dd could have a google of some job websites today... What does she want to do?

BastardGoDarkly · 06/07/2018 10:37

Urgh. Why not just let them do it in uniform?! Total pain in the arse.

No, you're not unreasonable op.

mnistooaddictive · 06/07/2018 10:37

I’m a teacher and I think you did the right thing. Whenever we have a non uniform day, attendance rates drop massively. The school should know better.

Hercules12 · 06/07/2018 10:39

Girls have to wear heels? Surely not!

JennyOnAPlate · 06/07/2018 10:39

Yanbu. I would have done the same.

Seeline · 06/07/2018 10:39

I'd have sent her in her school trousers and a non-strappy, non-cropped T-shirt.

Hercules12 · 06/07/2018 10:40

I'd keep her at home tbh based on heels alone but I would tell the school why.

Original poster
abitannoyedtoday · 06/07/2018 10:42

Couldn't you have got something cheap in Primark/Peacocks, though?
Unfortunately not. I work FT anyway and only place we could ahve got to out of hours so to speak would be tesco, but I simply don't have the money to spare.

Thanks for the positive replies all. I wonder if any more are off today for the same reason. Its such a shame as the day could have been quite fun

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 06/07/2018 10:44

I don't see why this day couldn't simply have been conducted in school uniform.
Are the school getting people in from local businesses? If so I think she should have attended - I doubt your careers help would replicate that and I doubt she would really have been the only pupil in uniform. It's a career development day, not a fashion parade.

MyDcAreMarvel · 06/07/2018 10:46

You were naive to believe your daughter would be the only one in uniform. You should have sent her in and encouraged her.

ilovesooty · 06/07/2018 10:46

Sorry - meant the school didn't need to insist that pupils wore alternative attire. The process is important, not the clothes.

NotTakenUsername · 06/07/2018 10:50

It’d just like toddlers playing mummy’s and daddy’s, isn’t it? It’s fancy dress.
By the time it rolls around that these clothes are required again they will likely be obsolete (well, for the females... a ‘well cut suit’ is always useful for a maleHmm).
So school were asking you to buy one use outfit for dressing up day.
Yanbu. School uniform for all would have been far more sensible.

NotTakenUsername · 06/07/2018 10:51

You were naive to believe your daughter would be the only one in uniform. You should have sent her in and encouraged her.

I disagree with this. She may have been the only one or in the extreme minority. She would have really stood out at the least.

StaplesCorner · 06/07/2018 10:54

You did the right thing. mark it down to experience and forget it.

ilovesooty · 06/07/2018 10:55

I can't understand why parents didn't object to the business dress requirement when it was first conveyed. If they had done so, the school would surely have thought again and pupil opportunity and involvement would not have been compromised.

Original poster
abitannoyedtoday · 06/07/2018 10:57

ilovesooty No local businesses invited as far as I know.

You were naive to believe your daughter would be the only one in uniform. You should have sent her in and encouraged her.
Yes quite possibly, I am sure she wouldn't have been the 'only one' but she would have been a minority and all her friends she spoke to had purchased clothes and shoes so she felt really crap about it.

Usually I'm the first to shove them out the door to school save for a bodypart hanging off, but this just felt wrong sending her in to feel self conscious all day long.

It's a career development day, not a fashion parade. Exactly, but its turned into a fashion parade by the school requesting business attire in my opinion. We are talking about 15 year olds here, image is a big thing at that age however unreasonable we might think it. Had they just put the day on and not mentioned any changes of clothing it would've been great.

OP posts:
JellySlice · 06/07/2018 10:58

Mine 15yo had hers yesterday. She wore school trousers with a lacy short sleeve top. With jeans it looks casual, with school trousers it looks like office wear. She wore school shoes, left her blazer at home and borrowed a bag from me instead of using her usual backpack.

Nonsense letting a child have the day off school because she has 'nothing' to wear. YABU

Polly2345 · 06/07/2018 10:59

I'd keep her at home tbh based on heels alone but I would tell the school why.

This. If an employer required me to wear heels I wouldn't take the job. If I was already employed and they then required me to wear heels surely I'd have grounds for sex discrimination? How, in 2018, are schools still promoting this sort of attitude?!

I would contact the school and explain you couldn't afford a new outfit for one occasion and it's ridiculous they created a situation where you felt you needed to. I'd also complain about the heels for girls thing.

It's too late now, but ideally you should have contacted them ahead of the day as they might have amended the advice. I get your DD only got upset last night though.

The Sixth Form in my school didn't have uniform (rest of the school did). We were required to look like we were going to work. I was always getting agro from one teacher who said I wasn't dressed in business attire. 20 years later I have never had a job which requires me to dress as smartly as she thought I should and I'm a professional on a decent wage.

viques · 06/07/2018 11:00

I can see why you have kept her off, but if you had the letter at the beginning of the week you have had plenty of time to contact the school and ask them to change the dress code to something like
" clean correct uniform, clean polished shoes "

The school have made an error but you could have asked them to review it.

NotTakenUsername · 06/07/2018 11:00

JellySlice how lovely your life must be that you cannot understand that for many, nothing to wear means nothing to wear.

Sirzy · 06/07/2018 11:01

What a shame to let her potentially miss out of such useful information.

Surely amongst her wardrobe something suitable could have been found?

PolkerrisBeach · 06/07/2018 11:01

I totally agree that they should have made it a standard uniform day. DH's company have an annual "bring your daughter to work day" and all the girls attend in school uniform.

And perhaps have included some sort of workshop about what is appropriate to wear at interview and what isn't. With a discussion about why hot pants and a bra top, or jeans slung so low you can see your pants are not the best choice.

Juells · 06/07/2018 11:02

What nonsense. I'm with the OP, I'd have kept her at home. The heels thing is ridiculous as well - teach girls they need to give themselves bunions in order to be 'smart'.

cholka · 06/07/2018 11:02

Well, it's done now. Can you practice interviews with her at home? Or rope someone else in to do some?
For next time maybe a friend or relative might have been able to lend something?

KurriKurri · 06/07/2018 11:02

I think i would have just let her go in her normal clothes - and told themshe didn't have any business attire (how stupid to request 15yr olds wear this). i think I would encourage her to go in (wearing anything she likes - does she have anything vaguely smart - any dresses or skirts, or a smarter than her everyday pair of jeans and a top ?) - any of that would do fine. It is a shame for her to miss the interview practice and careers advice etc. (maybe not too late for her to go in now?) I think buying special clothes for one day at school is ridiculous.