AIBU to have let dd stay off school today

[abitannoyedtoday]

Name changed for this as could be outing.

DD is in year 10, so 15 years old. Today is careers day. No lessons, the day is based around careers and alot of it is focused on how to conduct yourself in a job interview and the children will be doing some pretend job interviews with teachers.

All fine so far, no problem with any of that. In fact it sounds great.

But the letter home at the beginning of the week said children need to go in 'business attire'. They suggest suits and tie for boys and skirt or trouser suits for girls with heels. If they do not have business attire they can go in school uniform.

DD does not have anything 'business like' because, well, she is 15 and hasn't needed things like that so I just said to her to go in her uniform.

Last night she was sobbing her heart out because she said no one else is going to be wearing school uniform and lots of people have bought clothes and shoes to wear specially. I cannot afford to buy business attire for a one day thing at school.

For the record their school uniform consists of a blazer, tie, trousers or skirt so basically would pass as business wear!

This morning I decided to let her take the day off as she could potentially be the only one in school uniform and she was really distraught at the thought of this. I mean, this isn't like just a non uniform day where they can wear their normal clothes so I am a bit annoyed that the school really havent thought through the impact of requesting business attire for a bunch of 15 year olds when their uniform would be perfectly fine.

DD is very smart, in top sets and is hardly ever off and won't be missing actual lessons anyway, just career guidance which I can help her with in most areas.

I feel like a really shit mum to be honest because I couldn't take her shopping to buy something to wear for this. I know thats not the schools fault but I am a bit cross that they haven't considered this might be an issue. So AIBU to have let her stay home. Shes not just dossing about, shes working with me today so kind of career related I suppose.

I've put my hard hat on because I know its very frowned upon to let children miss a day of school for anything other than illness.

Oh no. Don't have her miss out because of this! Call school and head of year ffs! Say moneys tight and you don't have formal attire. The POINT surely has got to be about job info seeking and talking to people who hire NOT the bloody clothes. You do your daughter a disservice if you don't face into this and call school and try to resolve.

Charleston, stop bring a bitch. You are talking about a child here.

I think you should have sent her in on uniform. And told her she would he thankful after abiut half an hour she hasn't fallen for the suit and heels nonsense.

The school should be ashamed of themselves telling the girls to wear heels. It would have made me suggest she wear a some clumpy ankle boots. message would he abke to walk

Good time to teach them not to be sheep.

DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg with all due respect a 7 and 4 year old is very different to a 15 year old girl in secondary school.

Well yes, I was one once - and if I'd learned to shut out the voices of conformity earlier, I'd have been a lot happier through university.

I get that money is v tight and she didn't have anything suitable, I still think a careers day could have been v informative.

I had a job as a waitress at 15 so did have a smart white blouse. In future this might be useful to add to her wardrobe.

YANBU at all, OP!

For many teenagers, the desire not to stand out for the 'wrong' reasons is very real to them. For what it's worth, I think YANBU.

How many fifteen year old girls wear heels, or fifteen year old boys possess a suit...not many, at a guess. It should have been left as uniform for all concerned.

I think this is poor form by the school. They’ve arranged a day which could be quite useful for Yr10’s but has failed to think of the consequences for the poorer students by suggesting this particular dresscode. It’s all well and good saying kids need to toughen up, but she’s 15, and she wants to fit in with her friends and peers.

I wouldn’t have been particularly happy about this had we have bought suits for our kids at this point they’d have grown out of them by September. I don’t blame you for keeping her home OP.

I understand you had limited options by the time you realised it was an issue, perhaps she could have borrowed something from a friend. Or gone to a charity shop after school.

These non-uniform days can be such a nuisance. The school should have known better with this one.

I think it's a shame she missed it. You won't be able to replicate the experience at home on your own. And you know, as an adult and a parent, that there will have been DCs there in school uniform and there will have been DCs wearing their school skirt/trousers with a t-shirt top.
What they're wearing is incidental to their enjoyment of the day.

You could have kitted her out in Primark/a supermarket for a fiver or less. Probably could have found something for £1-£2 in a charity shop

I would have found a way for her to not miss the day. She could have worn school trousers/skirt and school shoes, so she literally needed a top. I struggle to believe that even if she/you didn't have a suitable one, that you know no-one that she could borrow a top off of. And she could have gone in her school uniform.

Nothing can be done about it now, but what a shame she missed out on such a useful day.

The whole 'business attire' thing is just daft anyway. Very few jobs actually require it - more likely 'smart casual' in most office based jobs these days. I did a returning to work class a few years ago. We were told that really the important thing is your clothes are clean, neat and you are comfy in them. Obviously you can't go in pjs or whatever but a neat tshirt could be fine. Depends on the job you would be going for. I worked retail for years. 90% of staff were 'mums wanting part time work'. Black trousers and a casual top was fine for interviews. A 'business attire' outfit shouted out 'the job centre has sent this person here and they aren't that interested in the job'.

Absolutely ridiculous. I’d be writing to the school governors about heels. WTF?

@charlestonchaplin

Your daughter is a wimp and so are you. I can't stand people whose greatest fear is to not be exactly like everyone else.

Teenagers can be incredibly unpleasant to peers who don't fit in. I know, I was one of those who didn't.

For many teenagers, the desire not to stand out for the 'wrong' reasons is very real to them.

and it's the most important thing in the world, we all agree. When do you teach them to learn to stand up for themselves though? Again, my point about sex or drinking!

The school didn't say they HAD TO wear heels and business attire, but they COULD. Why penalising all the children who will enjoy dressing up with smart clothes if they have them for a change? They start working at that age, don't need formal clothes for babysitting and the likes, but it's not a bad time to get a set or 2 of decent outfits.

You can think I'm a bitch if you like IWanna, but this is an illustration of why many young Brits lack resilience. When mum and dad jump in to spare you all hardship, criticism, meanness and challenges you'll be lucky not to end up a fragile creature.

Don't worry, I sent my DD in to school in her own clothes because she had nothing "Career" like to wear (pretty sure Disney Princess doesn't count..) - she was probably the ONLY ONE in her class who wasn't in some sort of "costume" though these mostly consisted of their own clothes with a name badge pinned to their front claiming they were an NHS manager or a Teacher.....

Still feel slightly shit, but she's only 6 so she'll have forgotten about it by this time tomorrow!

How ridiculous. I agree with JellySlice and Sirzy.

The business attire was a suggestion and they said she could wear school uniform. School trousers and a smart top would have been fine, I highly doubt many parents sent their children in heels..

She's potentially missed out on some important career information and practice interviews can really help in the future.

I did Jury Service a few months ago. I bought some black trousers and a couple of primark tshirts - one with little pink birds and one with white butterflies. It was fine. And that was Coroners Court.

I think you have done the wrong thing by keeping your daughter off school.

Your teaching her that the way you look is more important than going in / learning skills that will help her in later life.

Doesn’t matter what she’s wearing - she’s going to need those skills and she’s missing out.

Thank you for all those who are understanding and for some advise.

For those though suggesting she needs to not be a sheep or grow a backbone. She is a very strong girl and is not really sheep like. BUT she is conscious of her image.

I am gutted she is missing out on what is probably a very informative day and I probably should have forced her to go in uniform, but I could see how much this would have dented her pride.

That culture is wrong mirime. And it certainly isn't universal. Though when I was at school I viewed unkind teasing as just that. It was unkind but not the end of the world. Bullying is a campaign of nastiness but many kids cry 'bullying' so easily, and really seem unable to cope with any meanness. That lack of resilience isn't doing them any favours.

I think you did the right thing.

Not everyone is going to work in an office.

Even for proper interviews business dress is not always a necessity. A friend was invited to an interview at short notice, they were collecting for charity in the morning and explained that as he would be outside with a collecting tin he would be in jeans and a hoodie - he got the job.

More sense to ask them the sort of job they want and if possible to dress appropriately.

charlestonchaplin

Shut up. Very few 15 year olds want to stand out, the one that do normally do it anyway.

Of course Jury Service was for two weeks (we were told it could be 3) so I didn't mind paying out but I would of been annoyed for one day. You can't - despite what some on here have said - just spend a fiver in Primark. Not for a whole outfit. The school I think handled and explained the day badly.