I work in a very male orientated career, and I am one of two females in a team of 8 other men. Due to sickness / annual leave / meetings etc there was only me and two of the males on the team left in our department, but only myself who could do a certain task (only myself and another colleague, shall call him Y, can do this certain task).
Male colleague (shall call him B) comes over and asks if colleague Y is available to do said task. He is speaking to the guys and they say “no, but Royal over there can do it”. B glances my way and responds to them “well, when will Y be back?”
They say they don’t know and to speak to me, as they were busy with helping someone else. I smile at B and ask if I can help. He spares me another glance and again addresses the guys to say “can you ask Y to give me a call when he gets back?”
Which at this point, one of them gives him a funny look, stands and comes to stand by me and says “Royal can do it. Just let her know what you need.”
B (not looking at me but my Male team mate) responds “It’s fine. When Y gets back just tell him to pop over yeah?”
So I jokey say “why what’s wrong with me doing it?” But B doesn’t respond, to which my male colleague repeats my question. Still not looking at me he sort of shrugged and said “If you won’t pass on my message I’ll just message Y myself then.”
He walks away.
Male colleague is a bit confused by the whole thing, saying B was out of order and pointing out how uncomfortable he was that B didn’t even properly look at me. I ask whether I have some reputation I might not know about as a sort of embarrassed joke and he says none he’s heard and he’s just as genuinely baffled as I am.
Y returns from meeting, reads email from B and fowards it to me asking if I can help B as he’s busy with some work, CC’ing in B to the email. I explain what happened to Y and he rolls his eyes and goes “I wondered why he always privately messages me to do [said task], even when I tell him I’m busy with other stuff.”
The guys who were there then chip in and say it must be a religious thing and I shouldn’t worry about it.
I responded to the email and let B know I’ll work on the task. He responded by replying to colleague Y (but not me!!! Y had to tell me) “It’s fine if you’re busy Y I can wait.”
AIBU to feel a little offended? I’d understand if it was because Y did a better job etc but the task is one no one can do better than someone else, just a standard outcome. Myself and Y were hired at the same time and through talking with him at dinner it seems this certain colleague has made a comment before in passing that he doesn’t think “women should be working” and is known to be very very religious person. B works in an all-Male team and Y and co speculated that I may be the only female he comes across in our office simply because he needs said task by me and Y, and therefore he doesn’t need to interact with women any other time.
This might be so, but it doesn’t stop me feeling a bit offended!
I really, really want to raise this with HR but everyone says I should drop it, as it’s one ignorant person and in the long run I don’t interact with them at all (only time i would is for this task, which apparently B always asks Y to do anyway).
I just can’t believe it, nothing like this has ever happened to me before and I’m not sure if my shock is making me see this is as something bigger than it is, as no one else seems to think it’s a big deal?
Colleague who has the interaction, while agrees B was super rude, also is on side with everyone else that I should just leave it be and ignore B if I ever see him going forward.
