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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teachers helping my son put his clothes on the right way

198 replies

DUFFDADDY1 · 05/07/2018 08:59

Hello
AIBU
Last week When I picked up my son from school he had his top on inside out and his trousers were back to front. When I asked him why he changed his clothes he said that this had been due to going to Gym in the morning. I was furious that the teachers would leave a child in this state.
AIBU
just to add he has Autism

OP posts:

DragonsAndCakes · 05/07/2018 09:02

What age is he? It’s pretty normal for my six yr old to come out of school with something on the wrong way round. If it’s an older class I wouldn’t be so happy about it though.

susej · 05/07/2018 09:02

I remember coming home from school with my clothes back to front, my sisters are 4 and 6 and they come home with uniform on backwards too! Not so much the 6 year old anymore, I think this is normal though. The teachers probably don’t have time to help every child, are they even allowed to help children get dressed?

Cantsleeptooloud · 05/07/2018 09:02

I always know when it's pe as my dc come back like this. I guess they're left to be independent.

Isadora2007 · 05/07/2018 09:03

YABU to be furious. Just ask a. If the teacher noticed he had dressed incorrectly and b. Why no one suggested changing.

It could have been that someone did say he had done it wrong but that he didn’t want to change. Or that he was happy as he was (one boy at my sons gymnastics always wears his leotard back to front as he prefers it that way) and the teacher didn’t want to upset him.
So just talk to the school. Being furious is a bit pointless. No harm done really anyway. It’s clothing.

DragonsAndCakes · 05/07/2018 09:03

And I don’t always ‘correct’ my own children when they do it ‘wrong’. I want them to be pleased they’ve done it themselves.

jumblefun2 · 05/07/2018 09:03

Furious seems a bit of an extreme reaction tbh

Teach your son how to put his stuff on the right way - maybe put stickers on the back of his trousers and the inside of his jumper?

They're encouraging independence.

RavenWings · 05/07/2018 09:04

Yabu. Most likely they didn't even notice - they have a roomful of kids and a curriculum to deliver. Your darling is not the only focus.

SoupDragon · 05/07/2018 09:05

Was your son bothered? Mine regularly came out with stuff on wrong, including shoes. If they came out of school happy I didn’t much care.

Sirzy · 05/07/2018 09:05

I remember picking ds up from school once last year (so he was year 2) his TA apologised to me for the fact that his trousers where back to front and his t shirt inside out but for the first time he has managed to dress himself completely independently so they didn’t want to dent his confidence by then making him undress.

Seeline · 05/07/2018 09:05

We always knew when reception has PE - inside out, back to front, shoes on the wrong feet. It was sweet. If they are uncomfortable, surely they would try and change things.
Several of the children continues like this way past reception too.

wizzywig · 05/07/2018 09:07

Maybe the seams and tags irritate him?

Roomba · 05/07/2018 09:07

I suppose it depe DS how old your son is. My son is in Y1 and regularly comes out of school with his clothes on back to front and inside out - a result of getting dressed too quickly after PE. The teacher plays the countdown music to encourage them to hurry, which then leads to errors. He's not fussed though and nor are his classmates. If he were 14 and being picked on due to this I wouldn't be as happy - it would take seconds to point out to him that his top was on inside out, for example.

Original poster

DUFFDADDY1 · 05/07/2018 09:08

He is 7 years old . He has a teaching assistant allocated to him. It’s happened before. But to think that he had been like this for most of the day. He can dress himself, although needs help as he can’t turn things if they are inside out. It’s more prompting

OP posts:

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 05/07/2018 09:08

They all go through a phase of doing this. The teacher has more to be doing than checking 30 kids have their shirts pointing the right way.

4GreenApples · 05/07/2018 09:09

We’ve had this sort of thing plenty of times after PE. The children are expected to get themselves changed and they don’t always get it quite right, especially the younger ones.

One time my DC even came home wearing 2 left shoes, while one of his classmates went home with the matching 2 right shoes. The worst bit about that was that the shoes weren’t even the same size. Although neither me or the other mum noticed until the next morning, so I can’t really complain about the teacher not spotting it

Mookie81 · 05/07/2018 09:10

You're being ridiculous (And yet ANOTHER teacher bashing thread!)
With 30 kids to support we don't have time to change them all; it would take up the whole PE session and some of the next lesson! It's part of the curriculum for them to do it themselves. I also send kids out as they are so parents can see their level of changing themselves and work on it.

On another note I have had many autistic children in my class over the years and most of them have been quite capable of changing their clothes, especially at this time of the year. The children who are completely incapable due to their needs will always be helped. If your son is able to get his clothes on and off then he is capable of getting them the right way round. You can now see what he needs to work on and practise. You have more time for that than the bloody teacher does!

Ahardmanisgoodtofind · 05/07/2018 09:11

My ds7 (going through assesment for autism, he has extremely poor coordination and communication) we approached this problem for the opposite way. We asked for less help with dressing ect because if someone was there to do it he wouldn't even attempt it alone. He still comes out occasionally with a backwards jumper, but he's learnt to dress himself, do laces (huge deal for him and around 1/3 of his friends can't do theirs, so he's exceptionally proud of himself at the moment).
Have a quiet word with his teacher, often there just isn't time to help every child, or perhaps they have assumed that you'd rather they didn't help. Being "furious" is a bit of an over reaction.

midnightmisssuki · 05/07/2018 09:12

Yabu, Sorry. What if they had to do that for all the kids? There will be no time to teach, theyre teachers, not clothes changers. Sorry.

SD1978 · 05/07/2018 09:14

Does the TA attend PE with him? Are they employed purely for him, or shared amongst several kids or classes? If he was not upset or uncomfortable, and it wasn’t blatantly obvious, then I think you’re being a bitnunrrasonabl- also furious seems a bit of overkill. As others have said- many neurotypical kids do this too- and their parents don’t seem to be taking it as personally.

RavenWings · 05/07/2018 09:14

I don't see what harm having his top on inside out is supposed to have done to him. Is it somehow dangerous to have clothes on the wrong way? Is it going to cause permanent trauma and you'll need a child therapist? No.

Good on them. He got to dress himself and develop his own skills.

1busybee · 05/07/2018 09:18

I agree yabu. He is only 7, he needs to be encouraged with his independence. Look positively that he did manage to dress himself- all be it back to front and inside out. It’s not all going to happen in one go but he s achieving steps which is great. SOO many kids come out after pe inside out and back to front. If it was uncomfortable he would have made it known and someone would have helped him. Praise him for his independence!!

BlankTimes · 05/07/2018 09:18

Get a sharpie, put some marks in his clothing, choose a letter or simple symbol he can recognise either front or back to help him sort which way round the clothes go when he is getting dressed himself.

Ask the TA nicely if she can suggest he has things in the wrong way round or inside out, then take her cue from him as to whether he wants to change in a suitable place, or if he is comfortable the way they are.

Maybe the seams and tags irritate him
This is a very common sensory issue for autistic kids, have you asked him?

Stop being "furious" and start helping your son yourself.

Parent the child you have, not the child you want to look like/behave like everybody else.

OiWhoTookTheGoodNames · 05/07/2018 09:19

My daughter has it written in her SEN provision that someone can check and direct her the right way around to put clothes on - but it's part of her dyspraxia and she literally cannot "see" how to put the clothes on correctly - legs in arm holes of t-shirts and coats on upside down don't seem "wrong" to her and she has an undersensitivity to touch, so won't even feel that they don't feel right. It's more than a kid rocking up out of school with their shirt on inside out level so school have made a point of documenting that level of support is needed (albeit standing and watching to see how she's managing and only stepping in if required first).

I got a bunch of name tapes done which say "back" and I've taught her to look for the name tape and make sure that's at the back of her clothes and it's helped a fair amount with her dressing slightly more independently... but yeah - they all kind of bowl out of school on PE day looking like they've fallen through the school uniform rack at the supermarket and some stuff's stuck on in a random arrangement of clothing.

twoshedsjackson · 05/07/2018 09:20

I am not a morning person, so learned from bitter experience to get clothes ready the night before. One dark January morning, it dawned on me, as assembly proceeded, that I could see the seams of my (black) trousers facing outwards; I had put my trousers on inside out in the half-lit scramble to get to school by 7:45. Absolutely no chance of getting to the cloakroom to remedy matters until morning break. My pupils were either too polite to mention it, or just didn't notice....little boys tend to be less aware of such niceties; no sharp-eyed little girls to set me straight (indie school) literally or figuratively. Sometimes, in the hurly-burly, details get missed. Too ashamed to admit my age, but certainly old enough to know better.

Haberpop · 05/07/2018 09:20

I'd be pleased he'd dressed himself rather than angry his clothes were back-to-front or inside out.

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