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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teachers helping my son put his clothes on the right way

198 replies

DUFFDADDY1 · 05/07/2018 08:59

Hello
AIBU
Last week When I picked up my son from school he had his top on inside out and his trousers were back to front. When I asked him why he changed his clothes he said that this had been due to going to Gym in the morning. I was furious that the teachers would leave a child in this state.
AIBU
just to add he has Autism

OP posts:
Adelie0404 · 05/07/2018 10:40

no need to be furious.
I remember my DD in Year 2 coming out after school. She was looking very happy - but she had forgotten to put her skirt on.
It was in her PE bag so we put it on.
I didn't think for a moment to blame the teacher. I thought it was funny.

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 05/07/2018 10:43

Total over reaction.

My SEN son also has an LSA allocated for part of each day and her role is to encourage independence and it can take children a long long time to get changed at school so I can well imagine in the school environment its an achievement to get the clothes on.

BUT I can see your point if your child was a little older. 7 & under its par for the course for all children to come home with clothes upside down and inside out out, wearing other children's clothes etc and none of the other children notice. After that, when most children are getting it right, there should be assistance for those who struggle pointing out when they'd got it wrong so they can correct it themselves. As children start to notice differences more acutely, it can make them stand out to be the one with the back to front clothes. But I'm thinking 9,10,11 etc Having said that my NT 10 year old comes home with his shirt inside out sometimes because he doesn't care!

PorkFlute · 05/07/2018 10:45

Well I’ve worked in many ks1 classes and while children make odd mistakes I’ve never known a child without an have as much trouble as the op is describing so I’m not basing my view solely on personal experience.
Of course I’m aware that children with an have different needs. For eg my dd doesn’t have/need 1-1 support at school despite their difficulty dressing. Also some kids with asd wouldn’t care or notice if other kids were laughing at them and some would. Some kids with asd would be able to let an adult know if they were uncomfortable and some wouldn’t. The op knows her child and is concerned so I don’t think that should be minimised.

TillyMint81 · 05/07/2018 10:47

My daughter is 9 and often comes out of school after or with her t-shirt or cardi on inside out. I've not once thought school should sort it or thought to be annoyed with the teacher. Maybe spend some time over the weekend showing him how to fix it himself if it's possible.

PorkFlute · 05/07/2018 10:48

And there is a prime example of the difference. For an nt child showing them how to do it over the weekend may well be sufficient.

FocusOnMePlease · 05/07/2018 10:50

YABU

How about instead of using the time u are spending moaning about one teacher not having time to dress 30 odd children after PE- YOU teach YOUR child to dress themselves if it bothers you this much then you wont have a 1st world problem as big as this to worry about!

Some. People. Hmm

Kidssendingmenuts · 05/07/2018 10:51

Autism has nothing to do with it I'm afraid. My son is in reception and he has done this a few times after pe pants back to front and t shirt inside out. He doesn't care, but they do need to learn to dress themselves in reception as it's part of learning.

OiWhoTookTheGoodNames · 05/07/2018 10:51

And there is a prime example of the difference. For an nt child showing them how to do it over the weekend may well be sufficient.

Exactly. Also a prime example of the smug bubble fuckery that prevails on MN where they had a child who was potty trained in a week so it MUST JUST BE that you simply didn't try hard enough or similar.

The bloody occupational therapy department have only offered minimal direction to help my youngest manage dressing herself... so yeah - sitting in front of a chair for a weekend must surely crack it when all the professionals who deal with this kind of stuff and developing strategies to help with it can't do so. Yeah right.

steppemum · 05/07/2018 10:57

blimey ther eis some nensense on this thread.

I am with Porkflute.

This child has additional needs which means (for him) that he has trouble sorting his clothes and dressing.

Yes it is quite common for a TA to be 1:1 for a particular child
Yes it is 'allowed' that the TA helps with things like dressing as well as academic stuff. It is the whole education of the child. If support with dressing is one of his needs then HIS 1:1 TA SHOULD be helping him, that is precisely what they are there for.
How they help him, that is a matter for discussion, as the goal is not to get him dressed, but to help him move towards independence.

All these hundreds of people saying Oh my NT child sometimes puts there jumper on inside out oh deary me quite normal.
Well, no, in this case it is NOT the same. The child needs the task broken down into smaller steps and help learning them.

OP is getting a hard time, simply because she used the word furious in her OP. That was a mistake, but doesn't make the problem go away

OiWhoTookTheGoodNames · 05/07/2018 10:57

Focus the average child knows which way around a t-shirt is meant to be in terms of up and down, and that it goes on your top half... my daughter simply does not "see" that the t-shirt is upside down and will just shove her legs into the holes because she knows you put limbs into holes and they're the closest holes to her legs if she's holding it upside down in front of her.

So ditch the abuse and the parenting shame because there are a LOT of kids out there who suffer from these kind of issues - it's incredibly hard to explain if you've not seen a child with them - but the bit of her brain that does spatial stuff seems to be completely fucked at times and it's like total blindness to her. She struggles with sequencing the order you put clothes on as well - we have cards attached to her PE bag to remind her, and to remind her what needs to go back in there at the end of the session. She also doesn't feel discomfort when things aren't on right as she's quite seriously under-sensitive to touch so a collar inside out itching you or I like mad won't even register on her radar. You wouldn't be on here the parent of a child with one leg for not teaching their child to walk - so don't do the same to parents of kids with invisible disabilities please.

We cope with strategies as best we can - labelling the top and back of things and teaching her to look for them - but yep, I have asked school, and school have agreed, to make sure she gets more direction than her peers in dressing after PE.

As for the OP's child - since Autism often co-exists with Dyspraxia - it's quite probable her child has some similar difficulties to my child.

EllenJanethickerknickers · 05/07/2018 10:58

itscominghome it's quite normal for the hours allocated on an EHCP to be filled by a TA specifically employed for that task. Their contract can then be temporary for the period of time the DC is at the school. My DS2 had just such a TA in primary school (who was used as a class TA Angry ) who left the school when my DS did.

CitySnicker · 05/07/2018 10:59

Maybe he did it all by himself without prompting and was very proud.
Should the teacher have told him to take it all off and start again?

ItscominghomeItscominghome · 05/07/2018 11:03

itscominghome it's quite normal for the hours allocated on an EHCP to be filled by a TA specifically employed for that task

It certainly isn't. It may have been in the past but now with pressure on high needs funding block it certainly isn't. No well written EHCP would say that they need full time 1 to 1 from a single person, other than in highly exceptional circumstances. The funding doesn't work like that.

Mayra1367 · 05/07/2018 11:08

I’m surprised a ks1 child has 1:1 support

PureColdWind · 05/07/2018 11:13

'I’m surprised a ks1 child has 1:1 support*'
*
Why are you surprised? My son has had 1:1 support since he started school because he is disabled enough to need it.

steppemum · 05/07/2018 11:13

I’m surprised a ks1 child has 1:1 support

really?
really?

plenty of them around.
and sorry Itscominghome, but we still have a LOT of 1:1's in our school.

We even have one child who has a full time 1:1 and then a SECOND adult alongside for break and lunchtime.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 05/07/2018 11:16

I’m surprised a ks1 child has 1:1 support

Out of interest why are you surprised? Obviously some children's needs will be so great they'll have to have 1-1 support to be able to get through the school day.

PureColdWind · 05/07/2018 11:18

A lot of people answering here have overlooked the fact that this child has SN and has 1:1 support - and are giving answers based on their own experiences with their non-disabled children.

Yes, a lot of children still put clothes on backwards at age 7 but the TA assigned to the child should be helping the child with issues like this. The TA should not be doing everything for him but letting him do as much as he can himself and helping him to increase what he can do.
My son took a few years to get the hang of getting dressed himself - I put supports in place for him and gradually faded them out in order to increase his independence.

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 05/07/2018 11:21

Why on earth would you be surprised that a KS1 child has support ?

Some children need support through KS1 and their needs don't magically disappear at KS2 so they get support then too, maybe into KS3 too.

Some poor children struggle on and on and on unsupported until their needs are finally recognised and identified and get support at any point in education.

Sirzy · 05/07/2018 11:23

If it happened last week what happened when you mentioned it to School?

jumblefun2 · 05/07/2018 11:25

Is his TA allocated to work with him 1 : 1 before, during and after PE?

EllenJanethickerknickers · 05/07/2018 11:27

In your area, maybe itscominghome but it's actually a cost saving exercise for schools in many LAs who employ the bare minimum legally required. If staff are on a temporary contract, they can get rid of them when no longer required. My own DS has 20 hours 1:1 support specified on his EHCP. How the school choose to provide that is up to them but many primary schools choose to employ someone specifically to meet that legal requirement. They then may unofficially use that TA in class to support other DC.

Please be aware that your experience isn't necessarily how it works universally. As you can see from this thread, your knowledge isn't complete.

moofolk · 05/07/2018 11:30

An inside out t shirt is how I know they've done PE!

FocusOnMePlease · 05/07/2018 11:32

No abuse in my post.

I responded to the OPs i initial complaint about how it was unreasonable a teacher had let her child leave with an inside out t shirt and back to front trousers on.

Had the OP been the version of events you share with your childs troubles & a teacher had let them out wearing their tshirt as trousers etc then they would not have been un reasonable to expect the teacher to correct the mistake.

If the OP chose to drip more information than the original given thats their problem not mine. If you want to have a fair trial of being reasonable/ unreasonable on here you are best to give all information to justify your actions in the original post not adding bits as the conversation goes because you don't like the reactions of the people reading and answering.

However i will apoligise if after all the information the OP decided to disclose throughout the thread about her child means my response becomes unfair to the circumstances but my response was to their first post.

headinhands · 05/07/2018 11:37

Used to work in early years. With 30 children in a class the adult can dress every child although we would point out if they had something on the wrong way 'ooh Bobby, go and look in the mirror and check you're dressed properly.' Also I viewed that if your dc came out with anything backwards/inside out that you'd know you needed to work on dressing skills at home.

Also as someone working with children I felt that if I just helped them take their jumper off, turned it the right way and then put it back on them the only thing they've learnt is that I know how to put a jumper on and they don't.

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