Teachers helping my son put his clothes on the right way

[DUFFDADDY1]

Hello
AIBU
Last week When I picked up my son from school he had his top on inside out and his trousers were back to front. When I asked him why he changed his clothes he said that this had been due to going to Gym in the morning. I was furious that the teachers would leave a child in this state.
AIBU
just to add he has Autism

It's pretty normal for children to have clothes on back to front and inside out after PE, because if we always dress them they will never learn to do it themselves. Generally I will not help a child get dressed unless they have at least tried and although I will point out an inside out top or whatever I won't push it if they don't want to sort it out.

Having said that, I had a 1:1 with autism who would get really upset about clothes not being just right and I wouldn't have left him dressed like that because it would have been cruel. So it really depends if your DS was bothered by it.

Another mum to a child with dyspraxia and Autistim .

Just to put another slant on things.

He must have had PE lots of times since being in school.

From your reaction he doesn't come out like this every week.

Maybe today was the day the TA was dealing with some other minor emergency and your DS somehow identified the instruction from the others it was getting dressed time and expressed his independance - albeit not quite getting it right, but then the TA would have had to make a fuss and possibly break his new found fragile independence to swap things round.

With so many battles to fight keeping getting the support your DS needs is this one worth your energy?

Does is EHCP specify that he needs help with dressing/undressing? Does it fund a full time 1:1 for him?

I say that because the response can be very different depending on the answers to those. If his EHCP specifies help with dressing, you are right to be a little annoyed (although I think furious is too much, in all honesty). That being said, I have Asperger’s and am very sensitive to clothes being the wrong way/inside out/labels etc. - I may not have outright said it as a child, but I’d be letting people know through wriggling, scratching and not paying attention that something was wrong, so if he isn’t able to verbalise his discomfort, are there non-verbal cues someone should be picking up on? Or was he genuinely not bothered by back-to-front/inside out and, as gently as possible, was it more of an issue for you?

Again, if he has a full time funded EHCP, then a member of staff should be with him all the time. If it’s only partially funded, he may not be allocated time for that gym period. If the school is ‘topping up’, for want of a better way of putting it, his hours to be mostly full time, I’m afraid you can’t insist he has someone all the time. Schools have to fund the first 15 hours of an EHCP from their own budgets, which coupled wih issues around funding from the high needs block, means staff have to be spread more thinly. Unless his EHCP specifies PE and/or dressing and undressing, then it might be difficult to ask that he always help for this. Unless he has a fully-funded EHCP, in which case ignore all of that.

Have you asked him about his clothes being inside out/backwards? Would he tell you if it did bother him? Regardless of what other posters have said, he is highly unlikely to have been being laughed at or mocked by his classmates at 7 - looking like you’ve been pulled through a hedge backwards is still pretty common at that age.

Perhaps have a word with the teacher/TA to focus on one thing in the last couple of weeks - trousers on the correct way, for example - and to make that a focus?

@Fresta no he will not be.

My SD has SEN and needs lots of help dressing at that age. My nieces and nephews who are NT would frequently put clothes and shoes on the wrong way round when they dressed themselves at that age.

Getting a NT child to practice over the weekend doesn't solve the issue as it is a mixed spatial awareness, motor skill and developmental problem.

Most children eventually crack how to put clothes on and shoes not inside out and the right way the majority of the time but it happens at different ages. This is why you can find 4/5 year olds who can dress themselves properly from the outset and 9/10 year olds who are still struggling especially with shoes.

Some people due to their SN eventually learn coping methods to put on their clothes and shoes so as adults the majority of the time they are suitably dressed.

Don't be furious, just mention to the teacher and the TA that after PE please could you help him put his clothes on the right way, as they weren't last week.

MY DS always come back like that on PE day, I do however notice you mentioned autism and I have aspergers a d remember vividly as a child always choosing to put my t-shirt on inside out to prevent the tag from rubbing. Has your child done it to feel comfortable anyway regardless of that the teachers are expected to let them be independant. They aren't allowed to help them get dressed at our school. Barring tying shoelaces etc

If he has his own allocated TA I am assuming that he has an EHCP(a statement in old money) this is unusual in primary aged children, which suggests to me the autism is significant. If he has an allocated TA I would expect them to support your son in getting drsssed correctly by himself and if he is unable to do any aspect that she supports him in rectifying it. I would go into school to discuss and make your “disappointment” known I wouldn’t say furious, leave that for later if it carries on. Good Luck

Hello and thank you for your advice. Which was was varied . Which is good. I spoke to OP today who informed me that the gym was in the afternoon. As they say from the mouth of babes.
Never the less this has happened a few times previously, I have not said anything, possibly due to some of your suggestions. I appreciated some of the more sensitive support rather than some which were bordering on aggressive. But that’s fine. I was asking AIBU and I got the answers.

As a teacher we would always praise the child for doing it themselves, this would be regardless of it was correct. It is also a parents job to teach their child to dress correctly. We do our best but 30 children, one adult and needing to move on to the next thing quickly usual means we don’t have a lot of time. My PE falls before lunch, it’s chaos getting 30 children undressed/dressed, PE kits packed away correctly into the right bag with all items, to the bathroom and lined up in 15 minutes.

No, six is not too young for an autism diagnosis.

I think he should wear his tracksuit in on the PE days, this changing clothes during school is very disruptive. Why can’t they just wear the school tracksuit all day?

Anyway, that’s just my thoughts on it. Maybe that wouldn’t work where you are but it seems really wasteful of time changing clothes during school, doesn’t everything get lost?

My ten year old would easily put stuff on backwards, even at this age, and wouldn’t care less.

Why are people saying that there are lots of 7 yer olds that can't dress themselves with clothes the right way around? Excluding any SEN issues then they usually can. Age 7 is year 2 or 3! I've never seen any of the children this age in the schools I work in put all their clothes on back to front and inside out. They sometimes need help to turn inside out tights around or do buttons up, but they are aware of their clothes being wrong and ask for help.

This used to infuriate me too but teachers are not allowed to dress - or redress - kids. Just like, as a dinner lady, we are not allowed to help clean a child if they spill food on themselves. The closest we can get, is to hand them a cloth and make them clean themselves.

Not RTFT, but two of my kids are SEN.

Teachers are usually not allowed to help with dressing in any way at all.

With my eldest I had to sign waivers for them to check his torso after a fall as one day he was still bleeding under his school top but nobody knew because he didn’t say.

I would redress a child if they were upset, I would clean a child who had spilt something on themselves if they needed help. I would leave a child who had their clothes on backwards if they were happy and had been able to do it themselves. It would only take me 2 minutes but it would also only take me 2 minutes to open their lunchbox, to write their name, to put the straw in their milk. I wouldn't feel I was helping them to be independent if I did everything for them.
As a TA, if a parent asked me to do any of these then I would.

But to think that he had been like this for most of the day.
It really didn't harm him, I do think you need to chill out a bit - it was really important to you that everything is exactly correct, but it probably seems a lot less important to him. There is plenty of time for him to iron out his minor mistakes and perfect this.
The staff probably didn't want to put him under pressure about little things that aren't important, when he's there to learn, and maybe finds the whole busy school environment challenging enough.

I think this is really something you can only answer if you have all the facts but I shall try.
1:1 is rare now in most LAs as the current thinking is that funding can often be used more effectively elsewhere. However, there are some LAs and academies that still use that system.

Furious is an overreaction unless you believe he is being neglected in other ways. Even disappointment is too much. You should try to have a positive relationship with your child's TA and make light of it in a way that lets them know. If it happens again, then it is time for disappointment.
Children with ASD do find these things harder. He may have wanted them on that way (at the time), not noticed, not wanted to say anything or just put up with it. You can't be sure. If the other children had noticed they'd have told the teacher. 7 year olds love to tell a tale. I think you can be assured they weren't bothered.
Also bear in mind that 1:1s are often to used to fill a gap elsewhere (blame the government, not the school) and she or he may not have been around at the time. Its shit but it happens.

Oh, and we can clean, change and dress children with another adult present

You aren't helping your child by correcting them because they've got it 'wrong'.

Praise his effort, leave the teacher alone.

I'm not sure where the idea that teacher's aren't allowed to help children dress comes from. Of course they are! How do you think most Reception classes manage? Teachers need to help with fastening buttons, putting tights on etc. otherwise they would all be half dressed after PE.

Of course you wouldn't dress or undress a child without their consent but if a child asks for help then you help.

Fresta
I’m aware of the year at school. I posted my observations. As I said I was surprised whan dd was this age that some of the children hadn’t yet cracked getting clothes on correctly. BluBug explained the reason behind this upthread. People just don’t agree with you. Nothing more to it.

We used to have a uni lecturer who would regularly turn up take classes with one or more item of clothing on inside out. Lovely chap, a bit vague though! 😁

OP you will no doubt have to fight many battles on behalf of your son over the next few years (at least), and I would gently suggest this one is not one of the most important. He’s still at age when most kids don’t notice stuff like this. Just have a quiet word with the TA.

DD1 once came home on a gym day with 2 vests on (she never wore a vest as school roasting) and her polo shirt inside out and someone else’s cardi (again she never wore a cardi always school sweatshirt). I just washed and returned the items that weren’t hers. Didn’t say anything as she had gone to school a few days previously with her pyjama top on under her shirt.

posieperkinandpootle
Your DD clearly has her mind on more important things than clothes, bless her