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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teachers helping my son put his clothes on the right way

198 replies

DUFFDADDY1 · 05/07/2018 08:59

Hello
AIBU
Last week When I picked up my son from school he had his top on inside out and his trousers were back to front. When I asked him why he changed his clothes he said that this had been due to going to Gym in the morning. I was furious that the teachers would leave a child in this state.
AIBU
just to add he has Autism

OP posts:
Fluffyrainbows · 06/07/2018 18:18

My autistic son who had 1-2-1 very often came home with clothes the wrong way round or missing items. Unless he'd been struggling or getting frustrated and upset I'd not expect a TA to assist as he needed to try himself. If it bothers you just have a word with his ta it maybe they can reassure you.
I think the titles wrong though, I think it unreasonable to expect a teacher to dress the children but I would expect a 1-2-1 ta to support if necessary.

storynanny · 06/07/2018 18:20

Hello ddaddy, im a retired reception teacher and would just like to add that I would only have corrected the clothing if I thought it would be uncomfortable to wear for the rest of the day.
Eg I always pointed out shoes on the wrong feet, untangled girls tights, suggested boys trousers might be easier for toilet trips if they turned them round etc.

Bibesia · 06/07/2018 18:25

Yabu, Sorry. What if they had to do that for all the kids? There will be no time to teach, theyre teachers, not clothes changers. Sorry.

Irrelevant. OP is only asking for it to be done for the child with autism who has a TA allocated to him.

sexnotgender · 06/07/2018 18:31

I'm afraid I think furious is a massive overreaction.

My DD was always coming out in back to front clothes at that age.

Once she came out complaining her shoes were too tight and I thought bugger I've only just bought those school shoes... turns out she had 2 pairs of socks AND a pair of tights!

crazychemist · 06/07/2018 18:32

YABU to be furious.
YWNBU to speak to the TA calmly if this is something you would rather not happen. I assume that the TA is encouraging him to be independent. Perhaps this is appropriate and perhaps not, I don't know your son. But you say you asked him why he had changed his clothes, not why his clothes were on wrong. Like many other have said, he could have done it himself and been proud and not wanted to change it, or he could have not liked the feel of the tags....

Ask your son, the have a nice calm chat with the teacher or TA and be prepared to accept that they may have slightly different strategies and you should listen to their professional opinion before you make a final decision. Going in angry will just put their backs up, which might result in them feeling less positive towards supporting your DS.

JohnsonsSpreadsheet · 06/07/2018 18:32

What is the impact of clothing being inside out or back to front in the long term?

Unless it's a hoodie and as a subsequence he has had a hood over his face and stepped in front of a car, in the grand scheme of things it's a bit of a non-issue.

Fresta · 06/07/2018 18:33

But if he's 7 he's then he's probably the only one in the class that couldn't get their clothes the right way, and if he has 1:1 TA then why on earth didn't she point it out. I could understand it if it had been PE right at the end of the day, but if it was in the morning then it's just idle staff. Maybe they've been having a good giggle at his expense. He wouldn't have been left like that at my school.

LilQueenie · 06/07/2018 18:34

yabu lots of kids come home clothes on the wrong way etc. If those who are not on the spectrum come home that way why would you expect those who are on the spectrum to be treated differently.

Allthewaves · 06/07/2018 18:34

Tbh with trousers, I haven't noticed unless I'm helping them undress

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/07/2018 18:35

No, Fresta, you’re dead wrong. On all points.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/07/2018 18:35

Bibesia and all those who answered the same. The ta allocated will perhaps not be standing over ops ds the whole time as he is able to dress himself it may be seen as undesirable. Who wants to be watched dressing? If this is the case the ta may float more in the class. A 121 ta is also allowed to help another child. This was the case with dd - a boy in her class has a 121 and dd was additionally allocated dd for 1/2 hour a week. According to mumsnetters when I discussed it, this arrangement is fine.

lifeisabeachsometimes · 06/07/2018 18:36

He is seven not seventeen, probably loads of kiddies putting things inside out, mine included.

Just chill your beans. An overreaction to every last thing will not help your child one bit.

Missingstreetlife · 06/07/2018 18:38

My partner still can't dress himself😀

Iceweasel · 06/07/2018 18:40

I think the teacher should have noticed the trousers and sent him back to turn them around. Shirt inside out wouldn't bother me, my child came home like that at 10 and he is not autistic.

deptfordgirl · 06/07/2018 18:41

I've worked in a special school and most parents wanted teachers to encourage and support independence so children who were able were left to dress themselves after swimming even if they made some mistakes. This was preferred by a lot of parents as tas would otherwise do everything for them. I would speak to the teacher and say you would prefer your child to be helped by his 1 to 1.

grasspigeons · 06/07/2018 18:41

Just have a chat and find out more.

I know schools really want to develop children's independence and particularly a child with additional needs might need an extra focus on this as its so tempting for a TA just to do it for them.

cansu · 06/07/2018 18:44

I have two with autism. YABU to be furious. The teacher won't have done it deliberately. Inevitably they get mixed up. It is a learning process. By all means mention that he needs more help but being furious is honestly unhelpful. The teacher has 30 children to sort out. My ds sometimes comes home from his specialist school somewhat dishevelled.

grauduroi · 06/07/2018 18:44

I'm a 1:1 and this really should have been spotted. If you are working specifically with a child you should be well aware of their difficulties and making sure that these are the areas that they are assisted with. It can be done in class subtly before the clothes go on and still encourage their independance. Pop in and have a (gentle) word with the teacher or a note in the link book if you have one.

Badbadtromance · 06/07/2018 18:45

My dd came out without her skirt on once

Hedgyhoggy · 06/07/2018 18:48

My son has come out of school inside out and back to front often. He has a learning disability and whilst I think its great that he's been encouraged to dress himself I do have a little heart ache each time that I see him like this as it's just an other marker to all the other kids and parents that he is different. So I smile and say 'wow that's great' but I think to myself 'I wish his full time TA has just at least turned them the right way before giving it to him to put on, just until he's able to do that for himself. But no, don't be furious with the Teacher.

NottinghamNeil · 06/07/2018 18:50

Our son often comes back with his jumper (or even his trousers) on back to front on PE day. I didn’t realise I was supposed to be furious that his teacher hasn’t micro-managed a classroom full of children getting dressed. I suppose that’s because absolutely no harm has been done, as far as I can see. AIBU?

cansu · 06/07/2018 18:51

I do understand how you feel by the way but I am always very conscious that the teacher has 30 kids to supervise and may well not have two minutes to spend with my ds when the other twenty nine are making a racket in some way.

MitchDash · 06/07/2018 18:53

As a parent of a son with Autism, now an adult, I have learned to pick my battles. Am I going to challenge him over a top that is inside out when the whole school experience is challenging and difficult to manage, no I am not, because IMO it's petty and will provoke or add a building block that means a meltdown? I am not going to ask anyone else to either. I just wanted him to have as calm a day as he possibly could. As an adult he dresses himself fine.

Sortofcool · 06/07/2018 18:54

If he has a TA that for the majority of the time works 1-1 with him then yes, I’d expect them to help out here. I’ve worked 1-1 as a TA for children with additional needs and have re-assembled uniforms into something more comfortable and appropriate. I would also help out other children in the immediate vicinity with anything from missing clothing, ending up with someone else’s clothing and being very upset about it and things like doing up laces, and locating head/armholes. Looking scruffy and unkempt is par for the course for many 7 year olds but trousers and tops on backwards would draw unnecessary attention to a child and most of all be bloody unpleasant to wear I should think. A word with DSs teacher is a good idea but not with all guns blazing as it’s not a truly dreadful oversight but one that clearly needs sorting out.

SumerisIcumenin · 06/07/2018 19:00

YANBU to expect his 1:1 to have helped him sort his clothing out. If she wasn’t available, then someone else should have helped him, teacher, another ta.
Go and talk to the teacher, or email. Explain and flag it as something he needs support with.