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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teachers helping my son put his clothes on the right way

198 replies

DUFFDADDY1 · 05/07/2018 08:59

Hello
AIBU
Last week When I picked up my son from school he had his top on inside out and his trousers were back to front. When I asked him why he changed his clothes he said that this had been due to going to Gym in the morning. I was furious that the teachers would leave a child in this state.
AIBU
just to add he has Autism

OP posts:
DevilsDoorbell · 05/07/2018 09:22

I really think you need to pick your battles as from from family and friends experiences, you could well have many.

Clothes on the wrong way round is not a huge issue, unless he was distressed, in that case he should have been helped, but surely you would have said in your opening post.

Many kids actually enjoy putting their clothes on the wrong way round, I’m sure to wind up their parents!

Original poster
DUFFDADDY1 · 05/07/2018 09:23

I am not expecting the teachers to dress him. I am not teacher bashing ( I think you are being a bit sensitive) He has some allocated to him most of the time. Is it really too much to ask for assistance which would take 2 minuets?

OP posts:
NOTalantitchmarsh · 05/07/2018 09:26

You are maybe so angry as you think it’s just your son coming out like this, when it’s not.
But obviously you don’t want it happening when he is at secondary school.

Nuffaluff · 05/07/2018 09:28

Why are you furious OP? That is a strong emotion.
Did your son mind that his clothes were inside out?
Are you embarrassed about it?
I have an autistic child in my class who really struggles. We have to pick our battles very carefully - for example, he usually refuses to do PE at all. Therefore, if he actually did PE fairly happily, but then got his clothes back to front, we’d consider that as a good lesson for him.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/07/2018 09:28

You are being ridiculous. It’s perfectly normal for nt kids to get things wrong as well. The school is getting the children to assert independence even if they get it wrong. At age 7 several of the boys and a few girls were coming out of school on PE days with trousers on back to front, shoes on the wrong feet and jumpers inside out.

LetItGoToRuin · 05/07/2018 09:28

2 minutes for one child is an hour for a class of 30. I expect they will have praised the children for their efforts.

Sirzy · 05/07/2018 09:31

So when he has dressed himself and he is proud of that fact would you want them to then make him change?

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 05/07/2018 09:31

I was furious that the teachers would leave a child in this state.

Tbh I'd be furious if the teacher/ta was faffing around changing my dc's clothes when they should be, you know, teaching them.

GinDoll · 05/07/2018 09:33

All four of my children frequently came out of school with tops back to front/inside out etc. It really doesn't matter. They will get there eventually... alhough my 7 year old still puts his shoes on the wrong feet so it might take him a while Grin

vandrew4 · 05/07/2018 09:37

christ some people are hard work. Do you often get furious about such trivia?

PorkFlute · 05/07/2018 09:37

I can see both sides tbh. I can see why the teacher maybe didn’t want to correct your child if they had got dressed independently but then I can also see that if the shirt was inside out with the label showing and trousers backwards with the zip at the back and pockets at the front that is going to cause other children to be pointing it out and laughing for the rest of the day.
I have worked on schools and realise that at this age kids occasionally have shoes on the wrong feet or a jumper backwards but this is a bit more than that. I think sensitively helping him might have been the right call here so long as it wouldn’t have upset him. Especially since he has 1-1 support.
A quick chat with his 1-1 should be all it takes to sort it though op.

Original poster
DUFFDADDY1 · 05/07/2018 09:38

Parent the child you have, not the child you want to look like/behave like everybody else.

Parent the child you have, not the child you want to look like/behave like everybody else.
I do parent my child! And am proud of everything he has done since 11:05 and 1 second ( which is a second after he was born)
He can dress himself with a little prompting. As we do at home. The label does not bother him.
Tbh I am surprised at some of the answers. Although appreciate all of them.

OP posts:
petrolpump28 · 05/07/2018 09:40

Isn't 6 early to get a diagnosis of autism? Does it matter if the clothes are, on a few occasions the wrong way round? Why on earth would you be furious.

PorkFlute · 05/07/2018 09:41

My dd was diagnosed age 3 I don’t think 6 is particularly early.

vandrew4 · 05/07/2018 09:42

I can also see that if the shirt was inside out with the label showing and trousers backwards with the zip at the back and pockets at the front that is going to cause other children to be pointing it out and laughing for the rest of the day

no, they really wouldn't laugh. He's 7, not 17. the other kids wouldn't even notice

BrexitWife · 05/07/2018 09:42

So here is a child with SN that has a 1-1 TA.

Yes I would expect the TA to prompt him to up the clothes the right way around if he still can’t do that himself.
Does he have a care plan and does it include getting changed for PE?

BrexitWife · 05/07/2018 09:43

I have to say, I’m wondering how he managed to put the trousers with the zip at the back!

BarbarianMum · 05/07/2018 09:44

If he has a TA assigned to him then I do think that this is the sort of thing they could be helping with. I would speak to the 1:1 if I were you. And YY to some of the ideas on here about making it easier for him to sort out which way his clothes should go. Ds1 had marks in his shoes to help him tell which one was which at that age (couldn't use L&R as he used to muddle them up too).

BrexitWife · 05/07/2018 09:45

Re clothes the wrong way around?
Well if I put my clothes the ring way around, I’m uncomfortable. Does it matter? Well I would say that for mat people it does. Otherwise, why wouod we bother to put them the right way around???

It’s not because we are talking about a child, let alone a child with SN, that suddenly things don’t matter any more.
If they matter to you as an adult (because they aren’t confortable or practical that way. NOT for a ‘look’ purpose), then yes it should matter to the child too.

PorkFlute · 05/07/2018 09:46

I’ve worked with this age group for many years and I respectfully disagree that most 7 yr olds wouldn’t notice trousers with a zip at the back and bum pockets at the front and an inside out shirt with the label flapping about for an entire day! Shoes on the wrong feet maybe not.
Maybe try and have a bit of compassion for the op. It’s hard when your child is different and the last thing you want is for there to be avoidable things that your child will be mocked for imo. That doesn’t mean that you don’t accept their disability - it means that you want life to be easier for them as all parents wish for their kids. I understand it might seem trivial if you are the parent of an nt child who ocassionally comes out missing a sock.

BarbarianMum · 05/07/2018 09:46

"I have to say, I’m wondering how he managed to put the trousers with the zip at the back!"

At that age a lot of school trousers are elasticated at the back and only have pseudo zips at the front (no opening top button) so its not that hard to do. Certainly I've seen any small boys make that mistake.

Sirzy · 05/07/2018 09:47

But if he was uncomfy then he would find a way to make that clear I am sure!

Bearlover16 · 05/07/2018 09:47

YANBU.
I would expect an autistic child with 1-1 would be helped to put clothes on the right way yes.

My son attends a specialist ASD school and requires a lot of self care help. Id be pretty pissed off if he came out with clothes on the wrong way.

DevilsDoorbell · 05/07/2018 09:47

I’m not sure why you are suprised at some of the answers. You said you were furious he’d been left in that state all day.

Massive over reaction about something that many kids do either accident or on purpose. It’s not a big deal.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 05/07/2018 09:47

But most kids don’t actually notice, brexitwife? Presumably if they did they’d ask for help.