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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teachers helping my son put his clothes on the right way

198 replies

DUFFDADDY1 · 05/07/2018 08:59

Hello
AIBU
Last week When I picked up my son from school he had his top on inside out and his trousers were back to front. When I asked him why he changed his clothes he said that this had been due to going to Gym in the morning. I was furious that the teachers would leave a child in this state.
AIBU
just to add he has Autism

OP posts:

PorkFlute · 05/07/2018 09:49

And I’ve never seen an nt 7 year old struggle to that extent dressing themselves. This isn’t a single backwards item of clothing. The whole outfit was backwards and inside out for the entire day.

NorbertTheDragon · 05/07/2018 09:50

6 isn't young to get a diagnosis of autism. One of my son's was diagnosed at 2. The other at 8.

I always knew when it was PE day as my youngest (he has autism and ADHD) would come out with clothes inside out, back to front, shoes on the wrong feet etc.

He's 11now, and still needs guidance on putting clothes on the right way round and weather appropriate clothing (having just told him fleece lined hiking trousers aren't really suitable for today's weather!)

I used to 1:1 with a boy and though I wouldn't help him get dressed I'd put his clothes the right way in for him. (And some of the other kids too) That was reception and year 1. I would be encouraging him to take time to think about if clothes are the right way round etc rather than doing it for him as you don't want them to always be reliant on someone else to do it all for them. Maybe the TA is doing that but he's still getting it wrong? It takes time.

multiplemum3 · 05/07/2018 09:50

My sons come home in odd shoes before, neither were his. You're being a drama llama

Sirzy · 05/07/2018 09:52

Also before now Ds has put clothes on the wrong way at home and when I have said he has refused to change it. Is it really worth potentially causing a meltdown over?

ShowOfHands · 05/07/2018 09:53

The vast majority of KS1 will pile out of school on PE and swimming days with clothes inside out, the wrong way round or missing at some point. DS did it every time for all of reception and most of y1.

It's actually him fitting in, not standing out which is often the worry when a parent of a child with sen. I'd work on it at home and if it is a problem going forward, have a quiet word. Fury is not appropriate.

Firstnameterms · 05/07/2018 09:54

“Leave a child in this state”?! What ARE you on about?! A state where their clothes are inside out?! You’ve written your post as if he has been neglected! Yabu. Obviously.

TheMagnoliaTree · 05/07/2018 09:55

I can see this from both sides but it depends if his care plan states he has 1 to 1 or if there is just extra support in the class and that LSA/TA spends the majority of their time with the child.

As there are 29 other children in a class anything could have gone wrong within the classroom and the LSA/TA had to deal with that.

I think if you have ever been inside a classroom for a day in KS1 you would realise how frenetic it is.

It seems like it could be a one off and your son clearly wasn't uncomfortable otherwise he would have told someone. And trust me, they come to you in droves to tell you of their poorly finger, or a scratch on their hand.

Your son is doing great if he can dress himself with some instruction. Some parents still dress their children daily which is evident when they can't dress themselves for PE in school and tell us that Mummy/Daddy does it at home.

BrexitWife · 05/07/2018 09:56

lama or they don’t because they don't dare doing so. My dc2 wouldn’t have said a word even if he was really uncomfortable.
A child with autism might well have understood some very rigid rules that wouldn’t apply in that case but doesn’t know it.

I think it’s wrong to just assume that because they dint say anything then it doesn’t bother them. There are plenty of reasons why a child might decide to ‘put up’ with uncomfortable clothing and not say anything.

RavenWings · 05/07/2018 09:56

It’s not because we are talking about a child, let alone a child with SN, that suddenly things don’t matter any more.

Oh please. Nobody said that just because the kid has SN, these things don't matter. Clearly at the time it didn't matter to the child. If it did, you'd assume we'd see OP frothing on about that too.

Appuskidu · 05/07/2018 09:57

You are ‘furious’ with the teacher? Why not just have a pleasant conversation with the 1:1 teaching assistant allocated to him instead?

Some people are so quick to jump to anger-it seems to be their default emotion. Getting a bit of perspective and expressing feelings in a reasonable manner will go a long way.

Squirrelinatree · 05/07/2018 09:57

I think YAB a bit U to be furious, but at the same time, I'm a TA and can't imagine leaving a child like that all day. Yes there is a lot to do with 30 children (or 90 for me as i'm the Y2 TA and there are 3 classes) but I would find the time, especially for a child with additional needs

BitOutOfPractice · 05/07/2018 09:57

I think his TA should help him but YABU to be "furious" OP. Some battles aren't worth fighting. I'd mention it in passing next time you see them

I had a bit of a firm exchange of views with a shop manager this week (over a disputed refund - she was rude!) and it was only after I'd stalked out of the shop that I realised I had my dress on inside out! It can happen to us all

BrexitWife · 05/07/2018 09:58

Xpost TheMagnolia

If I might say, Trust me, my youngest child wouldn’t have come to see the teacher if he had been uncomfortable. Actually he still didn’t go and see the teacher to talk to her until he was in Y6! He wouldn’t have said anything unless asked whatever the subject.

Generalisation like this just do not help. Even less so when you are talking about a child with SN

soupforbrains · 05/07/2018 09:59

My son once came home from school wearing only 1 sock, but TWO pairs of trousers.

YES, that's right, he was WEARING two pairs of TROUSERS.

one over the other. Teachers can't help every child for time reasons, and they can't or won't help most children because it puts the teachers themselves at risk sadly.

Your son obviously has additional needs but on his medical forms to the school did you actually say that he would need additional help getting changed for/after PE? IF not, you can't be surprised the school hasn't catered for this.

Also it's almost the end of the school year, if this is the first time it has happened then your son obviously usually manages fine, but was maybe just a bit slap dash on this day.

I think you need to just calm down a little.

PorkFlute · 05/07/2018 09:59

If the child had been resistant to changing them I would have explained that to the parent if it was me.
Ops dc may have seemed happy enough coming out of school but what about the rest of the day?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 05/07/2018 10:00

Mr Squiffany failed to notice that his jumper was on inside out this morning.

He is 62 !

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 05/07/2018 10:00

I’m just basing it on my own kids and their friends, brexit. They didn’t notice / didn’t care. Maybe some children silently seethe all day long because their clothes are on inside out, but I’ve genuinely
never met one.

Roomba · 05/07/2018 10:02

One time my DC even came home wearing 2 left shoes

DS1 once moaned that his shoe was too tight as we walked home. I said they can't be, I only bought them four days ago and they fit just fine then... When we got in I noticed that his left shoe was the new, correctly sized shoe - the right shoe was a completely different style, much older shoe, that was 2.5 sizes too small!

Despite an email and text going out asking all the other parents to check if they had DS's shoe and asking if they'd like their child's shoe returned, it never turned up! I wasn't impressed as they cost me almost £50 for four days wear. Think DS was 8 or 9 at the time.

BrexitWife · 05/07/2018 10:02

Raven see my answer above.
One of my dcs IS exactly the tyow of child who wouldn’t have said anything.

My issue is the idea that ALL children would say something and THEREFORE that’s OP’s child was fine. You don’t know, I don’t and actually form my experience with dc2, I wouldn’t assume that the OP knows either.
Actually I would assume that he wasn’t confortable but didn’t say it BECAUSE as you say, children would realise at that age that trousers are uncomfortable (and wouod have said something. They wouldnt have stayed with trousers with zip at the back for the whole day).

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/07/2018 10:03

Porkflute
Ive helped children of this age get dressed after swimming. Had parent helpers not been there several boys would have got their trousers on the wrong way round, tops and jumpers inside out and shoes on the wrong feet. On another day, I remember seeing the first boy coming out of class after pe with his trousers on back to front and then wondering how many others would have done the same. I counted 4 other boys with their trousers back to front, one with their top inside out and another with a jumper inside out. I was only curious because my dd never did this even at preschool and I love looking at human behaviour - not to laugh at the children

If I were judging by my dd I’d agree with you that it’s rare. Judging by the way the children are dressed it isn’t. It’s always possible to see when the younger children of the school have had pe if you look.

BarbarianMum · 05/07/2018 10:03

Roomba · 05/07/2018 10:03

Oh yeah, DS has come home in two pairs of trousers before now too. Not sure how the other poor sod got home in winter with no trousers!

OiWhoTookTheGoodNames · 05/07/2018 10:04

I think if you have ever been inside a classroom for a day in KS1 you would realise how frenetic it is.

I have been... repeatedly. However DD2 has coordination difficulties, falls over constantly, struggles with walking and simply does not feel any discomfort at all that things like her shoes are on the wrong feet - which doesn't then help her walking difficulties when her shoes aren't even cooperating... so yep, it's stated in her provision for someone to prompt her if her shoes are on the wrong feet etc so she can put it right. Everything in her stated provision is stuff that I've requested and couched in the most easily-feasible manner possible for an average KS1 classroom. I ask for very little from the school - most of what we've requested are things like her to be allowed to use aids we've provided within the class - someone to take 10 seconds to glance at her feet and tell her to swap 'em over is something I'm damned well going to insist on if it reduces the amount she falls over.

Always love the "you don't know what it's like" argument flung out as the default whenever anyone dares object to anything school-related.

BrexitWife · 05/07/2018 10:05

lama it’s not just clothes inside out (which I greet most wouldnt care about).
It’s clothes the wrong way around. And more precisely trousers with the zip at the back.
Do you really think that children at that age wouldn’t realise that? Esp boys going for a wee? Happy to sit on the zip etc...

steppemum · 05/07/2018 10:07

I think you are getting a hard time OP.
He has autism and a TA supporting him. When he is getting dressed is obviously one time when he needs support.
The goal is moving him towards doing it himself, so maybe start with TA turning clothes and putting them on desk. Prompting him when he is doing it - are they the right way round?

YABU to be furious. YANBU to think that the school should be using this as part of his learning, especially as he has TA support.

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