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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I set a bad example for DD

194 replies

Constantworkinprogress · 05/07/2018 08:45

Maybe an AIBU, maybe more WWUD?

Popped into a cheap shop today. Planning a day out tomorrow. Got 2 umbrellas, got 2 travel coffee cups, got 2 little lunch bags and a few other crafty things my DD7 picked. Went through the checkout, girl had packed everything into bags and total came to $23. Straight away I knew it was an under charge. The umbrellas were $12 each.
I paid and was checking the docket as we walked to the car. As I suspected she had only charged all the double items once.

I said to my DD "We got some stuff for free, she only charged us once for all the double items"
My DD said "You mean we accidentally stole things"
I said "No, we didn't steal anything, it was her mistake"

My rule is, if it's my mistake I'll fix it. If it's their mistake, I'll leave it.

Just got me thinking though - Did I set a bad example for my DD?

OP posts:
Fresta · 05/07/2018 17:57

As far as I am aware, legally, if a company makes a mistake then the goods are technically yours. They have the right to request you rectify the situation if they become aware of it, but legally I think you can keep things sent to you by mistake. Likewise, if they undercharge or advertise at the wrong price then once the transaction is complete the goods are yours.

zippey · 05/07/2018 18:04

Let’s face it, nice people finish last. And being too nice and too honest I think can be a very negative trait.

Your daughter is at a nice age and seems a good little egg. In time she will see that life is not so black and white and sometimes you have to enjoy your good fortune while it’s at the expense of others.

I would have enjoyed spending less than anticipated.

zippey · 05/07/2018 18:06

For example, recently on separate occasions, resteraunt staff have failed to charge me for a glass of wine and a child’s meal.

Enjoy your good fortune when it comes your way!

Hoppinggreen · 05/07/2018 18:08

I’m not generally known for being “nice “ and I certainly don’t finish last
I don’t steal from shops though and tell my dc it’s ok

MissP103 · 05/07/2018 18:11

I actually do think you are a bad mother. Didnt you feel ashamed that your little child brought it up. Even she used the words stealing. What you've taught her is that if no one is looking its ok. Shes going to apply this In different situations. You should go speak to her and tell her that what you did was wrong.

BertrandRussell · 05/07/2018 18:12

Zippey- and if the cost of the wine or the child's meal had come out of the server's wages...?

jumblefun2 · 05/07/2018 18:16

My DD works in a petrol station with a shop. I had to help her write a strongly worded letter when they decided to bring in that they were responsible for any drive offs. That would have potentially taken her below minimum wage as it's only NMW to start with.

It isn't fair on the staff who get it in the neck for it and who could potentially lose wages

December2018 · 05/07/2018 18:18

MrsP that's a shocking thing to say!
You've never met the woman, not everybody is as angelic as you apparently!
How can you call somebody a bad mother when you've never met them I think mums and women get scrutinised enough!!
.... don't you!

MissP103 · 05/07/2018 18:24

So someone stealing is good then?
That is a bad mother in my opinion. Shame on her that her 7yo knew better.

Valanice1989 · 05/07/2018 18:25

Children often have very binary notions of “right” and “wrong” because it’s being modelled and taught to them quite strongly at that age. So of course a 7 year old will state with confidence when something is “good” or “bad”.

Surely it is binary in this particular instance, though?

Katedotness1963 · 05/07/2018 18:26

Yes, you set a bad example. I find it quite depressing so many people are dishonest and proud of the fact.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 05/07/2018 18:27

I hope many more enjoy good fortune at your expense, zippey. I can imagine your howls of outrage should your repugnant view on life ever work against you.

UpstartCrow · 05/07/2018 18:30

Your Dd has already absorbed the message that stealing is wrong. She may feel anxious when you take her shopping in future, and she may feel differently about you.

Pengggwn · 05/07/2018 18:31

Let’s face it, nice people finish last. And being too nice and too honest I think can be a very negative trait.

Being nice and honest are positive traits.

Yuckyuckdandeliongood · 05/07/2018 18:32

Yabvu i was under charged in a cafe once. Realised once i sat down. Got straight back uo with receipt told them inowed them money. The young lad was so happy and pleased as it couod have cost him his job fir a simple mistake

likeacrow · 05/07/2018 18:45

@MissP103

I actually do think you are a bad mother.

Insanely OTT and judgemental. Only on MN!

@BertrandRussell

and if the cost of the wine or the child's meal had come out of the server's wages...?

In none of the restaurants, cafes, bars, pubs, sandwich shops I've worked in has this ever been a thing.

Honestly OP, I think your main mistake was posting on MN. Jesus Christ.

Bluntness100 · 05/07/2018 18:52

No one is saying she should “get a pass” but people on here are going way over the top. That’s my point

Calm down. 🤣

As said, it's one thing to knowingly walk out without paying as the op did. It's a whole other thing to tell your seven year old and then to deny it's stealing when she points it out to you.

She asked if she set a bad example to her child. The answer is clearly yes. If her and her husband wish to steal whenever the opportunity comes their way, then that's their call. They shouldn't be telling their kid all about it and justifying it.

And the kid wasn't right. Her mother didn't "accidentally"steal. Her mother did it knowingly. She walked out the shop with the goods knowing she hadn't paid. Then told her little girl all about it

Nice.

zippey · 05/07/2018 19:16

Would you call Jean Valjean from Les Mis a bad role model or father?

I wouldn’t what OP did as stealing. But if it’s that vs over the top moralising and flying hurtful accusations at people, it’s a close call as to which is worse.

I think what the op did was fine. I’m sure I’ve been on the wrong end of this kind of stuff before. Like I say, enjoy good fortune when it comes and refrain from puritanical judging others.

CherryPavlova · 05/07/2018 19:21

It’s was theft. You knew before even paying it was incorrect but continued with your intention to steal goods.
I hope the checkout girl doesn’t have the shortfall taken from her wages.
Is it bad parenting? Yes, it’s appalling to justify and celebrate theft to a young child.

likeacrow · 05/07/2018 19:32

Okay, confirmation a serving police officer for 11 years. This is NOT theft. There's 5 points to prove for it to be theft. This doesn't meet the 5 points.

(Also they would never waste their time on it.)

mupp · 05/07/2018 19:37

Yes

ElMarineroBaila · 05/07/2018 19:44

To the PP who said those of us saying it's wrong are all liars and you know no one in real life who would: a) you need to get better friends, although they seem quite suited to your own moral stance and B) I have corrected mistakes in real life. I've pointed out when I've been undercharged, I've left things in the pushchair and forgotten about them but gone back to pay even though I'd left the shop without anyone noticing, and if I saw someone drop a fiver on the floor I'd chase them and give it back! Those of you saying you wouldn't are bloody thieves and must have no conscience whatsoever. Where do you draw the line here?

Pengggwn · 05/07/2018 19:47

likeacrow

You want people to simply accept that a) you asked a police officer b) the police officer said what you just said c) the police officer was correct?

likeacrow · 05/07/2018 19:48

@ElMarineroBaila

We're not thieves. See my pp.

I would/do run after someone who drops a fiver, or any money.

I'm very happy with my moral stance ta. .

This thread is amusing me greatly.

likeacrow · 05/07/2018 19:49

@Pengggwn

Do or don't. It's 100% true. Ask a copper yourself and see.