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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I set a bad example for DD

194 replies

Constantworkinprogress · 05/07/2018 08:45

Maybe an AIBU, maybe more WWUD?

Popped into a cheap shop today. Planning a day out tomorrow. Got 2 umbrellas, got 2 travel coffee cups, got 2 little lunch bags and a few other crafty things my DD7 picked. Went through the checkout, girl had packed everything into bags and total came to $23. Straight away I knew it was an under charge. The umbrellas were $12 each.
I paid and was checking the docket as we walked to the car. As I suspected she had only charged all the double items once.

I said to my DD "We got some stuff for free, she only charged us once for all the double items"
My DD said "You mean we accidentally stole things"
I said "No, we didn't steal anything, it was her mistake"

My rule is, if it's my mistake I'll fix it. If it's their mistake, I'll leave it.

Just got me thinking though - Did I set a bad example for my DD?

OP posts:
midnight1983 · 05/07/2018 08:58

Isadora2007 My point exactly. I should have added your point too. Don't take what you can't afford to the till.

EdmundCleverClogs · 05/07/2018 08:59

Waiting on ridiculous/unbelievable drip feed....

DeadGood · 05/07/2018 08:59

“Your daughter has developed more morals at 7 than you have as an adult.”

Simplistic. Children often have very binary notions of “right” and “wrong” because it’s being modelled and taught to them quite strongly at that age. So of course a 7 year old will state with confidence when something is “good” or “bad”. I don’t think that’s unusual or proof that this child is Good and her mother (the OP) morally bankrupt.

BishopBrennansArse · 05/07/2018 08:59

If it's their mistake that they double scan in future and you get charged more then you must also leave it to make your 'rule ' fair.

No? Then it's stealing.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 05/07/2018 09:00

Don’t ever tell your daughter off for lying,
When she lies to you, remember you taught her that honesty is not important.
You did something dishonest and then pointed it out to your daughter as though you had somehow scored a little victory.
If you bring your child up like that, you cannot complain when it bites you on the ass later. Although your daughter seems to be a decent person, you are the biggest influence in her life..........

French2019 · 05/07/2018 09:02

I have been in exactly this situation with my dd before, on several occasions. One time, it was actually dd who had been undercharged in the Sylvanian shop in London.

We always go back and flag up the mistake. It's the right thing to do.

When it was dd's own money, the Sylvanian shop owner/manager was delightful. He thanked dd profusely for her honesty and insisted that she keep all of the toys at no additional cost. And dd walked away having learnt that it feels really good to do the right thing.

I'm sorry, but I think you set a really bad example to your dd and you should try to put it right by going back to the shop and highlighting the error.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 05/07/2018 09:02

It doesn’t appear to be “modelled and taught quite strongly” to op’s daughter, DeadGood. Not by op, anyway.

KeepingTheWormsQuiet · 05/07/2018 09:02

I always tell the cashier if they've made a mistake or given me too much change. I believe that mistakes in the till can come off their wages.

Yes, you knew you were taking things you didn't pay for and yes, you were a bad example to your daughter.

wheezing · 05/07/2018 09:03

Don’t ever tell your daughter off for lying,
When she lies to you, remember you taught her that honesty is not important.

And if she asks for £10 and you give her more by accident, she should spend every penny and enjoy it.

Broken11Girl · 05/07/2018 09:07

Meh. I just wouldn't have told her.
I once did similar when I worked in a shop as a teen, mistyped - the lovely customer waltzed into another branch boasting that a girl in x branch only charged him for one item when he had 4 etc. I wasn't told if he was charged. Got a telling off, didn't do it again.
I've probably been overcharged as much as undercharged over the course of my adult life, as is true of most people.

ImanaveragepersonAMA · 05/07/2018 09:08

I'd have done the same OP

Lalalala3 · 05/07/2018 09:08

Personally I wouldn't have been checked the receipt until I got home, so likely wouldn't have noticed that I hadn't been charged for the double items. I wouldn't have taken it back. I wouldn't have mentioned it to DD though. Why did she need to know?

DeadGood · 05/07/2018 09:10

“It doesn’t appear to be “modelled and taught quite strongly” to op’s daughter, DeadGood. Not by op, anyway.”

Given that the OP is questioning her behaviour, and the fact that the child is 7 and therefore attending school, I have no doubt that she is being taught these things.

This thread is bringing out the worst in some people, it’s strange reading.

WittyJack · 05/07/2018 09:10

Oh come on, like you don’t know the answer to that already.

It’s not “free stuff”. It’s got a much, much uglier name.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/07/2018 09:10

What a great lesson to teach your child. Not to be honest. Biscuit. I always tell people when they make a mistake.

LaContessaDiPlump · 05/07/2018 09:11

Not the best example op. Although it might make you feel better to hear that I accidentally stole a Care Bear when I was 5 (ran to show my not-yet-paid-for toy to my nan in the car) and my mum not only condoned it but told me to get to get in the car so we could drive off quick (!!) Despite this less than stellar example, I have grown up mostly honest. Don't do it again though!

Lalalala3 · 05/07/2018 09:11

Children often have very binary notions of “right” and “wrong” because it’s being modelled and taught to them quite strongly at that age

So true. Villains are 'bad/evil'. Not much nuance. They will usually like the heroes. Not til they get a bit older do they start preferring the Death Eaters to Hermione Granger Wink

TeacupDrama · 05/07/2018 09:13

if you hadn't realised ie you intended to pay for everything but the total seemed right so you didn't question it, it would not be stealing for a collection of small value items I might not even check the receipt.

however you knew when you were paying you had been undercharged and were delighted and never said I think that might be wrong so you didn't steal in the sense that you didn't shop lift and if she had given correct total you would have paid it not hidden the item in your bag, however you did steal in the sense that you knew you had stuff you hadn't paid for, they couldn't arrest you as you put everything on the counter to go through the till

you should have said at the counter, the mistake could easily have been rectified. however if you ring up shop now the check out person could get into a lot of trouble

however the worst thing is the really bad example you set your daughter

PositivelyPERF · 05/07/2018 09:19

I’m so glad that your daughter has someone teaching her right from wrong. I’m not talking about you, obviously. You’re just teaching your daughter that, if she can get one over on someone, then she should. Wow. What a mother.

DeadGood · 05/07/2018 09:20

Lalalala3 Grin

crispysausagerolls · 05/07/2018 09:20

Sorry but you knew whilst paying you had been undercharged (and by quite some amount). It’s very shitty and underhanded what you did, and theft!

DeadGood · 05/07/2018 09:20

For god’s sake PositivelyPERF get a little perspective

Shumpalumpa · 05/07/2018 09:21

You're only concerned about setting a bad example for your DD?

No qualms about taking things that don't belong to you?

What's worse is you know straightaway you were undercharged but kept your gob shut.

I really believe that you will lose tenfold the value of your ill-gotten gains.

BertrandRussell · 05/07/2018 09:27

For me, it's "My rule is, if it's my mistake I'll fix it. If it's their mistake, I'll leave it." that's the worst bit. Such a crap "I'm all right Jack" attitude.

Original poster
Constantworkinprogress · 05/07/2018 09:28

Wow, quite confronting to realise how completely morally corupt I am.

Food for thought.

Thanks a lot Confused for the brutal honesty.

OP posts: