Did I set a bad example for DD

[Constantworkinprogress]

Maybe an AIBU, maybe more WWUD?

Popped into a cheap shop today. Planning a day out tomorrow. Got 2 umbrellas, got 2 travel coffee cups, got 2 little lunch bags and a few other crafty things my DD7 picked. Went through the checkout, girl had packed everything into bags and total came to $23. Straight away I knew it was an under charge. The umbrellas were $12 each.
I paid and was checking the docket as we walked to the car. As I suspected she had only charged all the double items once.

I said to my DD "We got some stuff for free, she only charged us once for all the double items"
My DD said "You mean we accidentally stole things"
I said "No, we didn't steal anything, it was her mistake"

My rule is, if it's my mistake I'll fix it. If it's their mistake, I'll leave it.

Just got me thinking though - Did I set a bad example for my DD?

Are u in Australia by any chance? We lived there for 3 years and were amazed at the number of times they didn't charge us for stuff at the checkout- not so much food but house stuff etc. It became a bit of a game to be honest. Sensible head says don't do it but the anticapitalist/rebel in me says they make enough profit anyway so tough luck.

I strongly suspect that nowhere near as many people would flag up being undercharged as say they would.
I don’t actually think it’s the same as stealing. Sometimes if things have been put on sale it ends up coming to less than you expect at the till. And I have little sympathy if it’s a big store that is making huge profits from overcharging. I think the onus is on the company to charge the correct amount.
I would probably flag it up if it was a small business and a decent amount though.
But of course everyone on Mumsnet hands £5ers in that they find to the local police station so I’m not surprised at the replies on here 😂

For god’s sake PositivelyPERF get a little perspective

You mean accept that it’s ok for a mother to teach her child to be dishonest? I don’t think I’m the one that needs to ‘get a little perspective’.

“I really believe that you will lose tenfold the value of your ill-gotten gains.”

This thread just gets worse and worse! It’s like Salem.

Don’t worry OP, you’re fine. Hope you enjoy your day out :)

Positively nah, it’s you.

A woman got undercharged in a shop and announced it to her child. Not great.

You, on the other hand, said “wow. What a mother” to one of your fellow human beings. Words designed to shame and cut her down.

When people appeal to women to stop cutting each other down, they are talking about things like this. It’s not just you, it’s lots of people on this thread. Such unbelievable judgement, it’s so unhelpful.

Are u in Australia by any chance?

Not sure where in Australia you lived, but I can say that this has happened probably less than five times in my life.

Yes - by all means don't say anything but don't tell your daughter. She's too young for grey areas

YADBU. If your friend accidentally left their wallet at your house would you spend the money in it? If they gave you a $20 instead of a $10 by accident would you tell them or pocket it? The shop assistance made the mistake but it'll be the shop owner that pays for it. When I worked in a bar if I accidentally gave someone too much change it would come out of my pay packet.

I strongly suspect that nowhere near as many people would flag up being undercharged as say they would

I would hope they would! I have always alerted the shop / restaurant etc when undercharged. Any decent person would.

I would probably flag it up if it was a small business and a decent amount though.

Yeah definitely. And I agree that in real life most people wouldn’t be that quick to point out the undercharge either.

BUT the bigger issue is that the OP pointed it out to her daughter and then overrode the daughter when she said it was stealing. I agree most people on MN would NOT do that- maybe they’d just keep quiet about the undercharge.

And that's before the consideration that staff sometimes have to make up the difference if their till is short.

I'm pretty sure this isn't true.

Thanks a lot confused for the brutal honesty.

You asked if you were in the wrong, and you are! You stole and then told your child. What did you expect the replies to be?!

but the girl's till wouldn't be out - she rang through 1 x everything, and got paid for 1 x everything.

will only come out when they do a stock count.

highly unlikely the checkout girl will suffer.

OP - in all honesty, i'd probably have done the same as you.
remember getting back to the car after a big shop in one store, only to find we still had some stuff hung on the back of the pram that we'd forgotten to put through the till, and they hadn't noticed either.

as we'd already spent the best part of £100 there, didn't feel too guilty for the couple of t-shirts we'd missed.

DeadGood, do you really not believe the OP has done nothing wrong from reading her story? She instantly knew the shop had undercharged her (at which point she has at least a moral obligation to tell the store, if not a legal one), and then made a point of telling her young daughter that it’s fine to effectively steal from a shop as long as nobody notices. That’s bad parenting and just being a shit person in general.

"When people appeal to women to stop cutting each other down, they are talking about things like this."

So are you saying that we should agree with and support anything another woman does simply because they are women? That is just absurd.

For the record, I can see myself yielding to the temptation if this happened to me. What I can't see myself doing is carefully explaining to my child why it's the right thing to do.

I'd have done the same thing but kept it to myself, I'm sure they won't miss the difference but your purse sure would!
Just keep it to yourself next time 😀

"And that's before the consideration that staff sometimes have to make up the difference if their till is short.

I'm pretty sure this isn't true."
I said sometimes. And sometimes it is true. I worked for a well known restaurant chain where any mistake came out of your wages.

That was poor. If she had overcharged you you would have been annoyed and demanded money back. Why you even bothered to mention it to your 7 year old is beyond me.

Why on earth didn’t you say something at the till because as you say “straight away you knew it was an undercharge”

You knowingly let a worker undercharge you and now you’re trying to justify it.

Yes, you are setting a very bad example for you DD. You know you are.

”When people appeal to women to stop cutting each other down, they are talking about things like this."

So are you saying that we should agree with and support anything another woman does simply because they are women? That is just absurd.

Of course not, but calling her a terrible mother like a few have is out of order.

You were very wrong, and to the person that says they make enough profit anyway, that money will probably come out of the workers pay packet, so it is them you are punishing not the company, that's if the poor person doesn't get sacked for it.

Go for it, i would have been skipping to the car. Wouldn't have told a young child

I strongly suspect that nowhere near as many people would flag up being undercharged as say they would.

Last time this happened to me, I was buying children’s plates in Poundland. One stuck to another and they didn’t notice. I checked the receipt and went straight back to pay. It’s ‘only a quid’, but look at Poundworld, evidently any shop can go under and none need people scamming them at the moment.

I don’t actually think it’s the same as stealing.

When you walk away with goods you know you haven’t paid for, it’s theft. Whether it’s shoving it under your shirt, walking home with that pack of nappies you put under your pram and forget to pay for or even when the cashier didn’t scan the items through well - if you take an item from a shop without paying, it’s stealing. When people do this thinking ‘ah they’re a big company, they can take a hit’, it’s the rest of us that literally pay for it.

I once got accidentally undercharge for some things I was buying. I didn't notice until I was home but I felt AWFUL.

The items I had been buying were stackable and I'm popped the big pile of them on the till and then not really paid attention.

I didn't want to just go back to the store to say "the man on the checkout only scanned half my items" either because he was partially sighted and I didn't want him to lose his job if they decided that he could not perform the task. I've been through his till many times and he's never made any errors before (to my knowledge)

So instead a few days later, I ended up getting a friend to help me smuggle the unpaid for portion of my things back INTO the store and then went through the checkout again.

It wasn't your fault that the mistake was made, and it's ok that you waited until you viewed the receipt to be sure of the error because sometimes there are just discounts that pop up unexpectedly.

However, it IS a bad example to set your child and also I personally wouldn't be able to live with your approach. as @BertrandRussell said earlier in the thread is an anti-social and inconsiderate "I'm alright Jack" attitude.

I'm Outed! Yep I'm in Australia. It was a large chain, and in my pondering immediately after I did think I wouldn't have done the same if it was a small bussiness.

Funnily enough it happens quite often. It happened just on Monday to my friend's sister at the play centre we were at. She didn't say anything.

My husband also thinks it was fine.
Gosh, we are all terrible people!

My DD'S response made me wonder about what was right and I thought I'd ask on MN and either let it drop or bring it up with her to as an opportunity to talk about right and wrong.

Thanks for all the responses. I do think some people have been quite harsh but I'm trying to own it.