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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I set a bad example for DD

194 replies

Constantworkinprogress · 05/07/2018 08:45

Maybe an AIBU, maybe more WWUD?

Popped into a cheap shop today. Planning a day out tomorrow. Got 2 umbrellas, got 2 travel coffee cups, got 2 little lunch bags and a few other crafty things my DD7 picked. Went through the checkout, girl had packed everything into bags and total came to $23. Straight away I knew it was an under charge. The umbrellas were $12 each.
I paid and was checking the docket as we walked to the car. As I suspected she had only charged all the double items once.

I said to my DD "We got some stuff for free, she only charged us once for all the double items"
My DD said "You mean we accidentally stole things"
I said "No, we didn't steal anything, it was her mistake"

My rule is, if it's my mistake I'll fix it. If it's their mistake, I'll leave it.

Just got me thinking though - Did I set a bad example for my DD?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 05/07/2018 11:17

Your daughter sounds a right pain in the arse.

Why?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 05/07/2018 11:19

Someone’s blaming the daughter??

Helpimfalling · 05/07/2018 11:33

If I make mistakes in my job I have to pay back out my wages

A single parent with four kids and it's my worst fear making a mistake I worry everytime I make a transaction

I don't know what I would have done in your situation I'd hope I'd let her know coz she could in some jobs be paying for your stuff coz you didn't correct her mistake

I certainly wouldn't have told your child that's just bad parenting

Sorry

LucyFox · 05/07/2018 11:42

Yes, you are setting a dreadful example to your daughter ... what you should have done is highlight it immediately to the cashier, or said to your daughter - you know, I think we’d better go back in & tell them ...
seriously, if it’s not stealing from the shop, what is it?

animaginativeusername · 05/07/2018 12:10

Yes, bad example for daughter and committed theft. Worse that your daughter identified your mistake yet you didn't see it as that

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 05/07/2018 12:20

If your DD works in a shop later on, you realise mistakes on the till ("Free stuff") will probably come off her wages.

Clandestino · 05/07/2018 12:24

It's all about being honest to others and yourself.
You failed at both and gave your daughter a lesson in lying, cheating and dishonesty.
Do you want a medal?

animaginativeusername · 05/07/2018 12:26

Bought lots of items in sale, all were detagged. Several items of those needed returning as didn't fit. Cashier stated that one of the trousers wasn't on receipt so gave back to me. I argued that since I wasn't charged for it I should give back.

So many times I have been undercharged, sometimes overcharged - on both I would see it as theft.

vampirethriller · 05/07/2018 12:29

Yes

KinkyAfro · 05/07/2018 12:31

Let's hope the poor shop assistant doesn't have to pay for your thieving out of her wages. You knew you'd been undercharged before you paid yet you still chose to walk out of the shop. You are a piece of shit, hopefully your daughter doesn't grow up to be one

rubyroot · 05/07/2018 12:37

I would've taken it without saying- its easy to not notice- or pretend to not notice. I definitely would not have told my daughter who was 7 though!!

I remember my Mum realising she had been undercharged when I was about 16, she decided to go all the way back to the shop when she realised when she got home.

I couldn't believe it, told her she was being ridiculous and she should keep it.

Bluntness100 · 05/07/2018 12:58

I agree, I think it's one thing to notice you're being undercharged and saynothing, just make off with the goods, it's a whole other thing to then tell your seven year old daughter and then compound it by telling her it wasn't theft when she points it out to you.

This isn't you found out after leaving, this is you knew and just took the goods you knew you hadn't paid for and deliberately walked out the shop. It wasn't even accidental you knew as you were walking out with the stuff you hadn't paid for them and were stealing.

If you and your husband are good with that, fair enough, but it's not ok to teach your daughter that that dishonesty is fine. There was no need to tell her what you did. None at all.

She's now under the impression if you know you haven't paid for something, it's just fine to leg it out the shop with them.

TheMagnificentEthel · 05/07/2018 13:13

No wonder we have rotten people around. They are taught from birth to be amoral.

susej · 05/07/2018 13:21

Yabu for paying £12 for an umbrella anyway. But extra unreasonable for bloody stealing!

PositivelyPERF · 05/07/2018 13:36

When people appeal to women to stop cutting each other down, they are talking about things like this..

Bollocks! I would say exactly the same, if it was a father. The OP’s sex has nothing to do with honesty. She doesn’t get a pass because she’s a woman. THAT attitude is sexist.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 05/07/2018 13:51

Reddwarves- Perth. We didn't take anything with us so spent a great deal of time in Target the first few weeks. I could count on one hand the number of times we got charged correctly. Ok so I know it's wrong but it became a bit of a laugh checking the receipts and seeing what hadn't went through. E.g buying 4 pillows but only 3 going through. The irony is they check your bag on the way out but not your actual stuff you bought.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 05/07/2018 14:06

Is this “Australians can’t use checkout tills correctly” an actual thing? How is that possible?

DeadGood · 05/07/2018 15:24

“DeadGood, do you really not believe the OP has done nothing wrong from reading her story?”

Huh? I’ve said it wasn’t good. What I am asking for is a proportionate response. People on here are, quite clearly, loving the opportunity to stick the boot in. It’s incredible to see - not in a good way.

“So are you saying that we should agree with and support anything another woman does simply because they are women? That is just absurd.

For the record, I can see myself yielding to the temptation if this happened to me. What I can't see myself doing is carefully explaining to my child why it's the right thing to do.”

bertrandrussell I completely agree with your second paragraph. But as above it the level of response that the OP is getting that is out of line here. It’s way over the top and sort of pathetic.

Pengggwn · 05/07/2018 15:26

I'm trying to own it.

Well, at least this one is yours.

Grimbles · 05/07/2018 15:35

Has anybody done the price labels are an invitation to treat only and you aren't legally obliged to buy or sell it for that?

Excited101 · 05/07/2018 16:06

I’d have left it, but absolutely not told a child about it

DeadGood · 05/07/2018 16:45

“The OP’s sex has nothing to do with honesty. She doesn’t get a pass because she’s a woman. THAT attitude is sexist.”

No one is saying she should “get a pass” but people on here are going way over the top. That’s my point.

applesauce1 · 05/07/2018 16:53

Was it Target? I once nearly accidentally stole some chewing gum from Target. I paid for all my stuff, but had picked up the gum from the till before being served and just kept it in my hand and forgot to put it on the conveyer. I went back and paid for it because I suffer terrible catholic guilt.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 05/07/2018 16:54

No, your post was about women cutting other women down specifically, as if the sisterhood should overlook any kind of questionable behaviour from other women as an act of solidarity.
Which is of course utter nonsense.

LyndseyKola · 05/07/2018 16:57

Of course you set an awful example.

It’d be one thing if it was cheaper than expected because some of the items scanned at a lower price than expected, as I’d just assume they were in the sale but hadn’t been marked down correctly on the tags yet.

But just walking out knowing you took products the cashier accidentally missed is theft.