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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I set a bad example for DD

194 replies

Constantworkinprogress · 05/07/2018 08:45

Maybe an AIBU, maybe more WWUD?

Popped into a cheap shop today. Planning a day out tomorrow. Got 2 umbrellas, got 2 travel coffee cups, got 2 little lunch bags and a few other crafty things my DD7 picked. Went through the checkout, girl had packed everything into bags and total came to $23. Straight away I knew it was an under charge. The umbrellas were $12 each.
I paid and was checking the docket as we walked to the car. As I suspected she had only charged all the double items once.

I said to my DD "We got some stuff for free, she only charged us once for all the double items"
My DD said "You mean we accidentally stole things"
I said "No, we didn't steal anything, it was her mistake"

My rule is, if it's my mistake I'll fix it. If it's their mistake, I'll leave it.

Just got me thinking though - Did I set a bad example for my DD?

OP posts:
PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 05/07/2018 09:52

HollyGibney If their till is short lots of places take it out of staff wages (you have to "sign in" to your till so it can be traced back to you). I have no idea why you think it isn't true. It is. In this case the till wouldn't be short as the items obviously hadn't been scanned through though.

ManyCrisps · 05/07/2018 09:54

Your daughter sounds a right pain in the arse.

PorkFlute · 05/07/2018 09:55

Op I’d ask someone in real life if you want a reliable opinion. People say a lot of things on here. For eg no dog owners on here fail to pick up after their dogs so I’m not sure where all the mess on the streets comes from...

BishopBrennansArse · 05/07/2018 10:04

Pork I really do flag it up.
We're a low income family so I got up how much I talk is as we go around so point out all over or under charges at the till.
If everyone did as the OP does shops would raise their prices so I'd be in an even bigger hole.

henpeckedinchief · 05/07/2018 10:07

That isn't the best life lesson, is it? It's maybe not the worst thing in the world when it's a cheap umbrella from a chain store, but it's a poor life lesson generally. Would you have done the same if you'd benefitted from the mistake of a small business or independent trader? And there's the fact that legally, you have no basis for what you're saying. You aren't entitled to benefit from another's mistake and in some circumstances you could face punishment for knowingly doing so.

Plus I just think as a parent it's your job to model good citizenship to your child, and you didn't do that.

crispysausagerolls · 05/07/2018 10:07

Of course not, but calling her a terrible mother like a few have is out of order.

But what if that’s what people think then they are allowed to say it! You can’t police that.

FWIW I don’t think OP is a terrible mother based on this post - but I think this was an example of poor parenting.

OiWhoTookTheGoodNames · 05/07/2018 10:10

If I notice when they're ringing it up I'll query it. If I'm out of the shop and on the way home or whatever and it's going to be a detour out of my day - I'll just leave it. From the reaction when I've asked them to double check they've rang everything through though I think I'm quite rare being as honest as I am.

PorkFlute · 05/07/2018 10:10

I don’t doubt that some people would flag it up but not 95% of people as this thread would suggest.

Racecardriver · 05/07/2018 10:13

Your rule is against the law. You are a theif. You should have at least kept your mouth shut.

multivac · 05/07/2018 10:13

I don't actually think stealing from the rich is different from stealing from the less rich. There is always an impact. It's never victimless.

Of course you're not a 'terrible mother', nor a morally corrupt human being, OP. It would be good to think, however, that you might change your mind about the whole 'their mistake, their problem' attitude to 'free stuff' after considering some of the less extreme comments on this thread, even if the entire population of Australia disagrees with you. Step by step...

gorgeoushazydaysofsummer · 05/07/2018 10:13

Yeah, you did. You taught your child that you think it's OK to steal.

What happens if she steals from your purse in a few years and you don't notice? Will that be ok??

Your attitude stinks.

Jayne35 · 05/07/2018 10:15

I would have told the cashier she had undercharged me if I had noticed.

The only time I deliberately kept money from a shop was when I was given change of a £20 instead of a £10 note, I went back in and said excuse me whilst holding out the change and the cashier snapped at me that as I had left the store they would not correct any mistakes with change, so I kept it!

MrsPreston11 · 05/07/2018 10:17

Ah I'm a terrible person. If I'm undercharged in a large chain store I see that as a great result. Small business then I'd say.

But I wouldn't let my kids know it had happened.

Maybe that's worse somehow......

RideOn · 05/07/2018 10:18

Yes I think you did set her a bad example. Your rule is stealing.

MrsPreston11 · 05/07/2018 10:19

The only time I deliberately kept money from a shop was when I was given change of a £20 instead of a £10 note, I went back in and said excuse me whilst holding out the change and the cashier snapped at me that as I had left the store they would not correct any mistakes with change, so I kept it!

That's fabulous. I'd have shouted - OK I'll keep the extra £10 then - thanks, bye! And scooted off quick.

EdmundCleverClogs · 05/07/2018 10:20

PorkFlute I don’t doubt that some people would flag it up but not 95% of people as this thread would suggest, that’s the ultimate problem. Most people wouldn’t flag it up, walk away in glee with the ‘bargain’ they just got. People do this in all areas of life, skipping train fares, claiming compensation when not needed, even when using free services (like the NHS). Always the same excuse, ‘they’re a big company, they can take it’. Until we reach the situation we’re in now - over priced products, businesses (both high and low cost shopping) closing, people losing jobs, services become unavailable, one of the most expensive train systems in Europe, etc. Then people moan about all these issues and wonder how it’s come to this.....

Hoppinggreen · 05/07/2018 10:20

Fortunately from someone other than you your dd has learnt that stealing is wrong

dueanotherchange · 05/07/2018 10:22

That was stealing.

A terrible example, and the cashier probably got into trouble for their mistake.

PorkFlute · 05/07/2018 10:23

People think very highly of the moral code of huge multinationals if they think the poor little lambs are only putting prices up due to theft. They will squeeze whatever prices they think they can get away with out of customers regardless!

user838383 · 05/07/2018 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElMarineroBaila · 05/07/2018 10:40

Yes, you've stolen knowingly and taught your daughter that deception is OK. You should've spoken up and paid in full because its the right and honest thing to do.

seventhgonickname · 05/07/2018 10:44

My DD when younger would have made me go back.She wouldn't even let us test strawberries at pick your own places.,🙄

bobstersmum · 05/07/2018 10:51

Was in town with my 4 year old. In a shop he picked up a pencil with fluffy topper that was 50p. I realised the shop didn't have what we went in for so went back out. Across the street I realised he still had the pencil. So we went back in to put it back and I explained to him that you always pay for your things before you leave a shop.

Yes you did set a bad example.

Bluntness100 · 05/07/2018 10:58

My rule is, if it's my mistake I'll fix it. If it's their mistake, I'll leave it

You were dishonest in the shop and you are being dishonest on here too I suspect, as if they had double charged you I think you'd have spoken up immediately. So your rule is really only when and if it benefits you.

For twenty bucks saving you taught your daughter to be dishonest.

Well done. Enjoy the freebies. Maybe next time you are dishonest you could refrain from telling her?

gorgeoushazydaysofsummer · 05/07/2018 11:08

I’m not proud but I also struggle for money so if someone else made a mistake I wouldn’t say anything. Wouldn’t tell the kids though

But @Boopsy, the OP had presumably totted up what she had spent and could afford it.

I can see why lack of money might make you more likely to ignore a cashier's mistake, but if OP couldn't afford the stuff, she wouldn't have bought it all.