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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu? Nephew being allowed to wake me up

200 replies

MeanAunty · 04/07/2018 10:51

I have a 4 year old nephew who keeps waking me. It's not accidental, but his mum (my sister) doesn't stop him:
It's happened 3 times in the last 7 days including this morning. The first time he was banging at my bedroom door for what must've been 25 minutes (as that was the length of time he'd been upstairs without supervision) screaming my name until I gave in and got up.
All because he "wanted to say good morning" (read as, I wanted you to play with me but you were asleep). This was at 7am. I work late shifts (I didn't even get home till 2;30am) My sister was aware he was awake and upstairs alone but was enjoying her morning coffee in peace.
This morning he was banging on my door for five minutes. I text my sister saying please get Y downstairs he's banging on my door again. She calls him down. Not 2 mins later he's at it again. I give up and get up. Now I'm awake.
Aibu to think you don't allow your child to do this? He does it to my mum too (we all live at her house, I'm moving out next week but my sister is staying until after Xmas, we both have our own circumstances).
I'm not sure if I'm being cruel as he's only four but surely she should supervise him it's akin to him banging on my door at 3am because by 7-8ish (his favourite time to do this) I've only been asleep for a couple hours as I work nights... my mum thinks it's out of order but my sister says "well he's only four".
Am I being the meanest aunt ever or am I justified in feeling really annoyed?

OP posts:
TheReluctantFundaFeminist · 05/07/2018 18:28

Open the door and whisper very sweetly in his ear "Santa isn't real" then leg it back into bed. brat

rainingcatsanddog · 05/07/2018 18:34

Your sister is being lazy and ridiculous.

A 4 year old will understand that Auntie is at work while he's asleep so wakes up at 9:30 (or whatever time). If he has a clock or a watch you could set it so that it beeps when it's time to wake you up.

thequeenoftarts · 05/07/2018 18:37

Open the door and roar loudly do not knock on my door again and slam it closed. He will cry ( not really his fault poor kid) and when Mammy starts yelling, tell her okay karma is a cunt at 3 am, so at 3am up you go and start battering her door in the middle of the night, and say ahhh but I'm awake now and wanna play with the munchkin, bash the door for at least an hour, yelling come out to play, why wont you play with me. It's my morning time. Start singing loudly the wheels on the bus go round and round.......Buy your Mother ear plugs and a bottle of gin first lol....

I promise you you wont have to do that more than 2 nights but tell her for each time he does it you will do it back twice over....And tell her you will report her to social services for letting her child wander and not supervising him correctly, he is HER problem/responsibility not yours ...

Katherine2626 · 05/07/2018 18:44

Selfish inconsiderate mother, rude child. I would crash on her door when you get in from your shift, and when she responds tell her that this is what you are having to put up with.

Theluckynumberthree · 05/07/2018 18:46

I have a 4 year old- I would simply tell them not to knock on auntie’s x door at all - morning/ afternoon etc. She will come out and ‘play’ when she wants to. If you do then you’ll be in trouble ( naughty step, toy removal etc).

Your sister wouldn’t have to keep going to get him back etc if she told him he’s not to do it to begin with?? 4 year olds can read etc- he can understand a simple instruction

frumpyheron · 05/07/2018 18:46

My 2 and a half year old understands being told not to go upstairs and knock on someone’s door. A 4 year old should be able to understand that instruction. I also definitely do spend hours herding like a cat sheep everyday too! The very definition of parenting a toddler!

Lifeiscrazy · 05/07/2018 19:05

Poor you! Move out as soon as possible... that’s out of order that your sister lets him do that..

roses2 · 05/07/2018 19:13

Gosh, all of you seem to have such well behaved children. My DS (5) screams his head off every Saturday morning waking up everyone in the house including DH, DS2 and our au pair.

No amount of reasoning or punishment has worked so far, he does what he wants most of the time.

DeniseRoyal · 05/07/2018 19:18

YANBU, He is 4, not a baby, my daughter is 4 and would absolutley NOT bang on someones door if I asked her not too. Why can't your sister take Dn out so you can get some sleep?? She sounds selfish and lazy tbh. Good luck with the move!

RhythmStix · 05/07/2018 19:22

You are deffo NOT BU. your Dsis sounds awful. You will have to play her at her own game as other posters suggest. Bang on her door relentlessly at 2.30am.

EllenMP · 05/07/2018 19:34

Nephew is four, sister is not. "No waking the (not-his-parent) grownups" is a pretty straightforward rule to teach your child. It will be good for him in the long term for him to learn that it's important to be considerate towards other people and let people who work nights get their sleep.

BoomBoomsCousin · 05/07/2018 20:01

YANBU.

I guess your sister's perspective is that you come along and suddenly the home she and her DS were enjoying becomes one where she can no longer relax but has to be on constant guard duty because you are there. I think she's wrong not to suck it up and teach him he can't go knocking on your door but I can also see that this isn't some neutral issue for her. By moving in you have provided a temptation to your DN that didn't exist before and your sister doesn't want to be paying the price for that.

Collaborate · 05/07/2018 20:03

Wake up the toddler when you get in. Then tell him to go and wake up his mum. Repeat every day until either you move out, or she apologises to you.

jannier · 05/07/2018 20:05

Buy 2 sets of ear plugs and make sure you can lock yours and mums doors then ignore him whatever the cost when he no longer gets a reaction he will stop doing it just like any tantrum.

4 year olds do understand they are almost at full time school and will have lots of rules from 3 in school nursery everyone needs to stop treating him like a baby especially your sister who is being lazy and allowing you all to do her job.

NotTakenUsername · 05/07/2018 20:15

Gosh, all of you seem to have such well behaved children. My DS (5) screams his head off every Saturday morning waking up everyone in the house including DH, DS2 and our au pair.

No amount of reasoning or punishment has worked so far, he does what he wants most of the time.

Hmm Yea, that’s not normal. You should really work on that.

kateandme · 05/07/2018 20:31

then she needs to get him with her and sit with him again and again.bringing him back again and again.until he stops.hes four is no excuse.and is even more of a reason she needs then to step up and teach him until he gets whats appropriate behaviour.and teach him until he gets it.

Scarydinosaurs · 05/07/2018 20:36

This is so antisocial.

He knocks. Stern voice, cross face ‘no, I am asleep, go downstairs, you do not knock at my door’

He goes to school/will be going to school and will have to get used to being told no.

Your sister will stop him if she thinks he will be told off.

JobHunting4 · 05/07/2018 20:51

Are people suggesting stair Gates because their child didn't learn to open them at age 2, or bacause their kids have grown up and they've forgotten theyre useless downstairs past age 2? Just checking

Queenofthestress · 05/07/2018 20:54

@roses2
If I can teach the kid with suspected autism and diagnosed GDD that until mummy comes its quiet time, I'm sure you can too. You might wanna work on that.

openscanofworms · 05/07/2018 20:55

What happened this morning op?

Queenofthestress · 05/07/2018 20:56

Not every kid can do stairgates past 2, my youngest can't and she's just shy of 2

Cornishclio · 05/07/2018 21:06

Four is old enough to understand he should not do that. My granddaughter is not yet 3 and she knows she does not get up until her gro clock shows the sun coming up at 7am. Just tell him no more knocking on your door.

kateandme · 05/07/2018 21:09

tbh I still cant do stair gates haha.dam things.

lizzybusy · 05/07/2018 21:09

It is not worth falling out with your sister over and your nephew is just a child. I would buy some good quality ear plugs for mum and me and lock the doors. Ignore the child until it's your time to get up. Child will start to understand that knocking does not mean that you will come out to play.

crazychemist · 05/07/2018 21:14

Have a word with the kid? I doubt that'll work quickly enough to help much before you move out, although he's capable of understanding instructions he won't get it right first time.

As it doesn't sound like your sister is going to be reasonable about this, can you put a temporary childgate at the bottom of the stairs so that he can't get upstairs once down? You can get mesh ones that hang on a set of stick-on hooks or a pressure gate. They aren't too expensive, and theyll be useful if there's ever another baby in the family