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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu? Nephew being allowed to wake me up

200 replies

MeanAunty · 04/07/2018 10:51

I have a 4 year old nephew who keeps waking me. It's not accidental, but his mum (my sister) doesn't stop him:
It's happened 3 times in the last 7 days including this morning. The first time he was banging at my bedroom door for what must've been 25 minutes (as that was the length of time he'd been upstairs without supervision) screaming my name until I gave in and got up.
All because he "wanted to say good morning" (read as, I wanted you to play with me but you were asleep). This was at 7am. I work late shifts (I didn't even get home till 2;30am) My sister was aware he was awake and upstairs alone but was enjoying her morning coffee in peace.
This morning he was banging on my door for five minutes. I text my sister saying please get Y downstairs he's banging on my door again. She calls him down. Not 2 mins later he's at it again. I give up and get up. Now I'm awake.
Aibu to think you don't allow your child to do this? He does it to my mum too (we all live at her house, I'm moving out next week but my sister is staying until after Xmas, we both have our own circumstances).
I'm not sure if I'm being cruel as he's only four but surely she should supervise him it's akin to him banging on my door at 3am because by 7-8ish (his favourite time to do this) I've only been asleep for a couple hours as I work nights... my mum thinks it's out of order but my sister says "well he's only four".
Am I being the meanest aunt ever or am I justified in feeling really annoyed?

OP posts:
gillybeanz · 04/07/2018 14:17

Make sure you bang on your sisters door when you get back from work, simples.
Or keep ringing her until she picks up, that should do the trick.
She should be taking care of her own child, it will be your mums door when you leave.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 04/07/2018 14:18

@mookatron wins!! 😂😂

MycatsaPirate · 04/07/2018 14:19

Some people on here have the patience of a saint.

I would be seriously pissed off if I was being woken after a couple of hours sleeps by a kid who is a) old enough to understand and b) has a lazy arsed parent sitting downstairs letting him crack on.

Start shouting. Shout at 2am when you get home. And again at 2.30am and maybe at 3am just to be sure the message is getting through that it's really fucking shit having your sleep disturbed.

Has your sister always been a lazy entitled cow?

Hissy · 04/07/2018 14:25

Firstly you TELL your sister that unless she parents her child appropriately to NOT wake you up at 7 am you will:

  1. wake her (and him) up at 2.30 am when you get in. Every Fucking time.

Then

  1. you WILL then TELL him off - which may involve shouting - so that he does NOT wake you up again.

If she doesn't want either to happen, she gets a stairgate and keeps her son with her and quiet. Yes. ALL THE TIME.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/07/2018 14:28

I love the idea of being a cat. Definitely wake your sister up a few times on the way to bed. In fact you could sit in her room and catch up on some 3am bedtime tv. Make sure you put a chair against your door when you go to brf and prep your nephew with the visuals on your door and big treat if he leaves you alone.

I agree that you are being far too deferent to your sister. Perhaps time to shout the house down at her. I get you’re not normally that type of person.

EveningHare · 04/07/2018 14:38

please wake her up at 230am!

BlueKarou · 04/07/2018 14:43

I've come close but if I so much as raise my voice (like the time he reached for a hot pan) I get "don't shout at my son!!"

Then you have to be firm and tell her to step up and actually parent her son.

If you were staying longer then you should definitely fight your corner, but if you can cope for another week, then just keep raging on here.

Is your sister so selfish and obnoxious in all other parts of her life?

SleepWarrior · 04/07/2018 14:53

Your sister is being ridiculous. But seeing as she doesn't care, you need to deal with it yourself.

Get him to make a little sign to hang on your door handle - blue side means no knocking as you're asleep and he needs to wait. Green side means knock away to your hearts content. Only you are allowed to turn the sign.

Katgurl · 04/07/2018 15:00

Your sister sounds like my sister - self entitled, lazy and rude. She never helped out with nieces but now she has two DC she expects us all to parent them.

Yanbu. At least you're only there another week.

Rebecca36 · 04/07/2018 15:35

You are not being unreasonable.
Young children need to learn - gently - that they must respect the space of other people.

NotTakenUsername · 04/07/2018 15:42

He's been told, though. Four is old enough to understand, if they've been told not to do something.

If the dsis has spent his whole life so far conditioning him that being told what to do is for other children, but he is such a special fucking ray of sunshine that the rules don’t apply to him... is that the child’s fault or the adult’s? (Hint: it’s not the child.)

She is seriously failing her already unpleasantly entitled little ds.

Branleuse · 04/07/2018 17:47

i would definitely be banging and waking both of them up at 2.30am. Without fail.

It will cause a row, but maybe then she will bloody listen

FrancisCrawford · 04/07/2018 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nothisispatrick · 04/07/2018 17:58

He's 4, not a baby. Tell him off, send him away, go back to bed. If he starts again there should be a consequence.

We have children at the school I work at whose parents are the 'he's 4/5, he can do what he wants', those children are not pleasant to be around.

Starlighter · 04/07/2018 18:08

My DH and I alternate lie ins at the weekends. We have no problem keeping the kids downstairs (and fairly quiet!) for a couple of hours, from a very young age.

Bit tricky to keep them downstairs after 9/10am but they would absolutely not be allowed to bang on someone’s door screaming if they were asleep! Totally unacceptable. Moreso as you work shifts.

But as you’re moving out next week, I’d think I’d just suck it up for now and count down the days till you move!

Starlighter · 04/07/2018 18:09

My youngest is 3 and he’s understood being quiet while people are sleeping/too early/etc for a long time! His age is definitely no excuse.

Whocansay · 04/07/2018 18:17

Your sister is a nasty cow. She knows what she's doing. It suits her because then she a) has company b) has someone else to entertain her child.

You have to be firm and tell him off. If needs be, take him downstairs and give him back to his mother and repeat that you are not to be disturbed. Even if you can't go back to sleep, you need to go back in your room. You need to show them both that there is no 'reward' for this behaviour.

I also suggest industrial earplugs and tell them again before you go to work that it isn't on and unfair to wake you after doing a night shift.

And I would tell her that if it happens again, you will be sure to wake her when you get in from work and see how she likes it.

Jaxhog · 04/07/2018 18:30

Start banging on your sister's bedroom door when you get in from work and see how she likes it

And get headphones or cotton wool until you move out.

At 4, he should be learning respect for others.

SauvignonBlanche · 04/07/2018 18:33

I warned DD that next time she woke me after 11pm shouting or banging doors I’d wake her up when I got up at 05:30 - I only had to do it once. Wink

DevilsDoorbell · 04/07/2018 18:36

When she shouts at you for telling him off, tell her firmly that you wouldn’t need to if she parented him properly.

Don’t put up with this shit

ExFury · 04/07/2018 18:41

My BIL lived with us for a while when my girls were younger and they struggled with his shifts. They were younger than 4 though. We got a clock in the end and coloured the time when they could wake him up (his decision!) so each time they wanted to go they had to check if the little hand was in the green zone.

If your sister won’t help it might be a way of showing your nephew a visual time guide.

MistressDeeCee · 04/07/2018 18:51

He's 4. If you explain to him, he will understand.

Your sister is being purposely aggravating. You've the patience of a saint - I'd have been wearing noise cancelling earphones - there are some good ones out there - nephew would be left outside knocking till kingdom come.

& on arrival home from shift in early hours 1st thing I'd have done is go into sis room, snap the light on and wake her, then 'right I've just got in its 4am now, make sure your son doesn't wake me up as I need my sleep'.

I feel for you - my sis would pull a stunt like this as she's awful to most of the family. Mum lets her off, but I don't, ever.

Feel sorry for your mum having to put up with that but if she's anything like my mum she won't say a thing to sis, but will expect me to listen to her moaning about situation (I don't listen at all)

TheIcon · 04/07/2018 19:05

Tell him that you're moving out because he won't let you sleep and that you would have stayed if he had behaved himself.

FatSally · 04/07/2018 19:08

Fuck TheIcon that's really something you shouldn't put on a four year old unless you want to possibly seriously damage them Hmm

TheMagnificentEthel · 04/07/2018 19:25

At 2.30 you come into her room, pat her on the head, pull back her duvet. You just wanted to say hello. You’re not sleepy and you’re bored.

Every response she gives, write down and use on her.