Aibu? Nephew being allowed to wake me up

[MeanAunty]

I have a 4 year old nephew who keeps waking me. It's not accidental, but his mum (my sister) doesn't stop him:
It's happened 3 times in the last 7 days including this morning. The first time he was banging at my bedroom door for what must've been 25 minutes (as that was the length of time he'd been upstairs without supervision) screaming my name until I gave in and got up.
All because he "wanted to say good morning" (read as, I wanted you to play with me but you were asleep). This was at 7am. I work late shifts (I didn't even get home till 2;30am) My sister was aware he was awake and upstairs alone but was enjoying her morning coffee in peace.
This morning he was banging on my door for five minutes. I text my sister saying please get Y downstairs he's banging on my door again. She calls him down. Not 2 mins later he's at it again. I give up and get up. Now I'm awake.
Aibu to think you don't allow your child to do this? He does it to my mum too (we all live at her house, I'm moving out next week but my sister is staying until after Xmas, we both have our own circumstances).
I'm not sure if I'm being cruel as he's only four but surely she should supervise him it's akin to him banging on my door at 3am because by 7-8ish (his favourite time to do this) I've only been asleep for a couple hours as I work nights... my mum thinks it's out of order but my sister says "well he's only four".
Am I being the meanest aunt ever or am I justified in feeling really annoyed?

Also, a four year old can be reasoned with to some extent.
Explain to him, in front of your sister, that he should wait until you get out to say good morning. Explain that you are very tired and you need your sleep. Ask him to do that favour to you, pretty please. And that if he wakes you up you will be very sad.

And whilst you're at it, tell him-still in front of your not so 'd's, that you only got to bed at x o'clock due to working and that he needs to stay with mummy until you get out of bed.

This is her responsibility, she can obviously hear that he's doing it, unless you live in some massive mansion! She's being a shit lazy parent.

Ok if ignoring is too harsh, I woundn't play with him or engage meaningfully if he ignores instruction to not knock on the door. Reward him not waking you up with praise and play.

I'm not spending hours every day herding him like a sheep
Surely this is the definition of parenting a 4 year old?

(PS My SEN 6 year old, as well as my 4 year old, do get very excited and wake up Granny/my DN if they are staying. We make it plain this is unacceptable, remove them from the situation, accompany them downstairs and stop them going back up, and pre-empt if we hear them first in the morning - which is pretty likely in the case of my DM as she is quite deaf and we are attuned to the early morning DC noises).

I've tried talking to him directly but I don't think it sinks in. I've done the whole refusing to play etc as well. He just has a tantrum about it. I still don't give in but then my sister is like "well isn't she mean not playing snakes and ladders with you, mummy will play!" So for that reason I don't think it sinks in.
When he's banging on my door if I come to the door and say I'm trying to rest please leave me alone he'll say "but I wanted to say good morning!" If I ignore him he continues. If I say "ok, good morning, I'll come down later" he'll wait on the stairs for me for a few minutes then go back to banging ("where are you auntie X?! I said good morning it's time to go downstairs!").
If I tell him off my sister undoes it by challenging me in front of him... there just isn't much I can do unfortunately. That's why I wanted to check that I'm not being a prick and this just isn't normal behaviour (well, it's normal I guess, but not normal to refuse to meaningfully intervene.)
Roll on next week...

4?! For goodness sake, he'll be starting school in September if he isn't already in Reception so does he listen to instruction then? Your sister is being a lazy arse. I, too, would be waking her up when I got in and I would say, 'I just wanted to say goodnight'. Self entitled, or what?

I have a 5yo and a nearly-4yo. Neither of them would do this more than once! On weekends my DH and I take it in turns for a lie-in and it's really not difficult to keep the kids downstairs and relatively happy/quiet so as to allow the other parent a bit of rest. In this case you aren't even a parent and absolutely your DN's mum should be "herding" him (agree with drspouse on this being the definition of parenting a 4yo!).

I regularly have my best friend to stay, she has an "auntie" role and the kids do go in to her in the morning but this is with her FULL permission and in fact she loves it. Any hint that she didn't want it and it would stop.

As to what you do now; given you have your DM's agreement maybe try presenting a united front with her?

Start banging on your sister's bedroom door when you get in from work and see how she likes it.

Just this!

I've tried talking to him directly but I don't think it sinks in.

That's where you're going wrong. 😁 I'd open the door and bellow at him, he'd run downstairs wailing for his mummy, and wouldn't do it again. He's doing it because there are no consequences.

Juells
I've come close but if I so much as raise my voice (like the time he reached for a hot pan) I get "don't shout at my son!!"

PS I agree with the PP that you should bang and bang and bang on your sister's door in the middle of the night when you get in. Both of them need to learn that other people matter as much as they do. What an entitled little brat she's raising.

I agree with your approach - I wouldn't engage with my niece if she was ignoring fairly simple instructions. But there's not a lot you can do if your DSis is undermining you. Just bide your time - a week isn't too long.

Ex FIL used to call repeatedly when I’d finished a night shift, just didn’t get it despite repeated pleas.

So I took to calling him repeatedly between 2 and 4 am until he got it. It took 2 nights but it eventually sank in.

So aye, warn your Mum but bang repeatedly on your sisters bedroom door and wake her for as many nights as is needed before she gets a fucking grip.

Her parenting is lazy and doing your nephew no favours. He’ll end up “that kid” that nobody wants to play with and is isolated if she keeps going. Twat.

Do a bit of shouting at her too. Why do you walk on eggshells around her? She's not your boss, you all live in the same house and have to be mindful of each other's comfort. She's not respecting your boundaries, so let her know that.

He's four, not a toddler. Tell him yourself if your sister won't, he's old enough to follow instructions. He's doing it because he is bored and wants attention, and he's not getting it from your lazy arsed sister.

What a twit she is, and doing her son no favours. Surely it wakes your mum, too? Your sister is lazy and selfish.

Start banging on your sister's bedroom door when you get in from work and see how she likes it

^ yep.

Yes, OP, why are you so bothered by her? If she tells you not to shout at her son, tell her that you wouldn't have to if she learned to parent properly. If she says you're mean for not playing with him, just ignore her or roll your eyes and I'm not mean I'm TIRED because nephew woke me early after a late shift.

You had to learn to not give a shit what she thinks. As longboard as you appear weak she will continue to take the piss.

You need to watch Super Nanny. Be firm with DN, not soft. No should mean no.

That's ridiculous. DH is a shift worker and DS1 is almost four. For at least the last year he has understood 'daddy's sleeping because he's been working all night, don't wake him up.' Very occasionally if he's incredibly excited about something he forgets and shoots off to see DH, but as soon as he's reminded he's apologetic and doesn't do it again. Agree I would bypass your sister and explain directly to your nephew - you could even tell him it's his job to make sure nobody else in the house is noisy and wakes you up in the mornings?

She is LAZY. LAZY parenting.

He's four, he should absolutely know better. If he'd learnt any empathy then he would understand that you're tired.

But since his mother clearly has no empathy, he's not likely to learn any from her.

I'm not spending hours every day herding him like a sheep...

Why have a kid then? You’re basically a shepherd. That’s exactly what you have to do.

It’s not hours anyway is it? It’s just in the mornings until you move out.

Very lazy and selfish.

^I'm not spending hours every day herding him like a sheep
Surely this is the definition of parenting a 4 year old?^ Yup! Until you can train him to follow instructions.

School will do him good. He'll probably enjoy and benefit from the structure and boundaries, if his mother's being so soft and vague.

It's only a week so I wouldn't stress it too much as irritating as it is. Obvs it's totally different if you're own child and like you say your sister probably welcomes a bit of a break. I'd say if it was longer get a stair gate but for a week try getting a jar of sweets, show it to your nephew and tell him every time he wakes you, you will remove 3 sweets and he gets the jar at the end of the week. Leave the jar outside your door to remind him when he comes up. If he wakes you remove the sweets in front of him so he knows you mean business.

Tell your nephew that, if he stops waking you up in the mornings, you will give him a treat when you move out. Remind him each night, and put a star on a chart if he remembers, and doesn't wake you up.

Then buy him the biggest bag of sweets you can find, and hand them to him as you leave, so he is on a sugar high for hours and your sister has to deal with it. Or give him a trumpet or a drum kit. And give him a craft kit with LOTS of glitter in it - your sister will be hoovering up glitter for the rest of her natural life.

Vengeance is a dish best served cold.