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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu? Nephew being allowed to wake me up

200 replies

MeanAunty · 04/07/2018 10:51

I have a 4 year old nephew who keeps waking me. It's not accidental, but his mum (my sister) doesn't stop him:
It's happened 3 times in the last 7 days including this morning. The first time he was banging at my bedroom door for what must've been 25 minutes (as that was the length of time he'd been upstairs without supervision) screaming my name until I gave in and got up.
All because he "wanted to say good morning" (read as, I wanted you to play with me but you were asleep). This was at 7am. I work late shifts (I didn't even get home till 2;30am) My sister was aware he was awake and upstairs alone but was enjoying her morning coffee in peace.
This morning he was banging on my door for five minutes. I text my sister saying please get Y downstairs he's banging on my door again. She calls him down. Not 2 mins later he's at it again. I give up and get up. Now I'm awake.
Aibu to think you don't allow your child to do this? He does it to my mum too (we all live at her house, I'm moving out next week but my sister is staying until after Xmas, we both have our own circumstances).
I'm not sure if I'm being cruel as he's only four but surely she should supervise him it's akin to him banging on my door at 3am because by 7-8ish (his favourite time to do this) I've only been asleep for a couple hours as I work nights... my mum thinks it's out of order but my sister says "well he's only four".
Am I being the meanest aunt ever or am I justified in feeling really annoyed?

OP posts:
rinabean · 04/07/2018 11:42

You are too deferent to your sister and she's teaching her son to treat you as subordinate too, which isn't fair on either of you. You are well within your rights to discipline him (refusing to play with him when he wakes you to play when you've told him not to is great, and completely fair, and keeping pointing out he's not to do this is good) and you're also well within your rights to tell her off too. When she blames you in front of him, it's okay to push back. When she says things like she's not going to follow him, it's okay to tell her to put her stupid coffee down and look after her own son. When she says "don't shout at my son" say someone has to teach him how to behave, I can't believe she tried to pull that when you were stopping him from being burnt!

I think advance warning your mum and giving your sister a taste of her own medicine is a great idea. You only have to put up with this for a week but your mum will appreciate it too. And it's right for him. He is going to really struggle if he's not taught rules and empathy, but it's hard for you to teach him when she's actively trying to teach him to be nasty and disobedient.

ferrier · 04/07/2018 11:44

Can you ask dn to be your alarm clock? So give him a time to come and wake you up.
But agree with the others that dsis needs a taste of her own medicine.

ginplease8383 · 04/07/2018 11:47

Your sister is a lazy cow.

I beg to differ your nephew is old enough to know not to do something.

Buy a stair gate so he can’t come upstairs?

nervousnails · 04/07/2018 11:47

Wake up your Dsis and DN when you come back from your shift. Tell him you want to play. Tire the pair of them out. Maybe then they will shut the fuck up.

SoddingUnicorns · 04/07/2018 11:52

Then buy him the biggest bag of sweets you can find, and hand them to him as you leave, so he is on a sugar high for hours and your sister has to deal with it. Or give him a trumpet or a drum kit. And give him a craft kit with LOTS of glitter in it - your sister will be hoovering up glitter for the rest of her natural life.

Yessss!

bluerunningshoes · 04/07/2018 12:00

I'm not known as shouty aunty for nothing...

tell him today that he cannot knock on your door and raise his voice upstairs before xxx o'clock.
if it happens again tell him off and take him by the hand and hand him over to your sister.
and buy earplugs today.

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 04/07/2018 12:07

Start banging on your sister's bedroom door when you get in from work and see how she likes it.

^this

gorgeoushazydaysofsummer · 04/07/2018 12:08

'You selfish cow. You know I didn't get in until 2.30. Why should your son wake me after only a few hours' sleep? He's old enough to know the word 'no'. Bloody well parent him and don't let him knock on my door. Or else I'll knock on your door, and his, and wake you all up at 2.30. See how you like that.'

gorgeoushazydaysofsummer · 04/07/2018 12:08

X-post!

NWQM · 04/07/2018 12:09

Your sister is being unreasonable but I agree with some of the other posters that for the sake of your Mum I'd speak to your nephew - perhaps with your Mum present. Explain and perhaps come up with a way that he can understands whats / when's okay. My daughter really benefitted from having one of the Gro Company's Gro-Cloc Sleep Trainer. This was to keep her in bed until a set more reasonable than 4.30 in the morning time. Sure it could be adapted. It would perhaps be a quirky thank-you for having me present for your Mum along with some lovely lavender for a good nights sleep?

BlueBug45 · 04/07/2018 12:12

Worth telling the child that if your bedroom door is closed not to bang on it or talk to you. Does mean you have to sometimes leave your door ajar so he can come and talk to you. Ideally leave it open around the same time everyday or so, so he sees there is a pattern when you are available to talk to him.

Btw I've dealt with it but in my case my siblings backed me up. They also got relief from their own children as they played quietly.

fruitbrewhaha · 04/07/2018 12:14

Your sister is very U. She knows exactly what is going on. She watches him go upstairs and knows what he is up to. I wouldn't be surprised if she even encouraged it.

She's awake and bored and thinks everyone else should be up.

Talk to you nephew. Tell him he is forbidden to wake you up. Make a sign for our door to remind him. Tell him there is a reward at the end of the week if he can resist until you move out. Perhaps a sticker chart. Get home to help you colour in the chart/sign on your door, let him be a part of it.

If he manages not to wake you, you could buy him a little toy, or a crayon, or something v small.

CecilyNeville · 04/07/2018 12:15

Banging on her door at 2.30am will wake everyone up. Instead, go into her room when you get home, get on the bed, and prod her every two seconds saying, "miaow. miaow. miaow. miaow. miaow. miaow." Refuse to stop until she agrees to control her son.

You can't help it - well, you're only a cat.

NotTakenUsername · 04/07/2018 12:17

I so much as raise my voice (like the time he reached for a hot pan) I get "don't shout at my son!!"

I believe the correct response is, “if you parented your child I wouldn’t bloody well have to!”

SoddingUnicorns · 04/07/2018 12:19

@NotTakenUsername has it. That would be my response, along with stop being such a selfish fucking twat you’re not helping your child!

strawberrypenguin · 04/07/2018 12:27

I'd tell him off myself tbh. (And I agree with the others saying wake your sister up when you get in and see how she likes it

Racecardriver · 04/07/2018 12:27

I wouldn't let my son do this to his aunt and she doesn't E en work night shifts/is generally delighted to see him/is an early waker.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/07/2018 12:29

Perfect response, @NotTakenUsername!!

Juells · 04/07/2018 12:29

@BlueBug45

Ideally leave it open around the same time everyday or so, so he sees there is a pattern when you are available to talk to him.

I'm constantly amazed, on MN, at how much nicer other posters are than I am 😂 I'd be like a bitch out of hell, dragging the door open, yelling at him and his mother and anyone else who crossed my path. The upside is that I had lovely quiet children who grew up to respect other's boundaries, and know how to police their own. You can't be reasonable when dealing with unreasonable people.

CoffeeIsNotEnough · 04/07/2018 12:29

I wouldn't cause a fight if it's just one more week but you are certainly not being unreasonable.
I've three boys, two with autism, and all of whom were very early wakers at that stage. I NEVER let go and bang on someone else's door to tell them to get up. They knew they had to wait until they were allowed.
Your sister is being a dick.

Trinity66 · 04/07/2018 12:30

YADNBU, your sister is going to have that child ruined if she just allows him to do whatever he wants all the time

Juells · 04/07/2018 12:32

your sister is going to have that child ruined if she just allows him to do whatever he wants all the time

It's very short-sighted as well, as nobody will want to have him to stay if she ever wants a break.

Trinity66 · 04/07/2018 12:35

It's very short-sighted as well, as nobody will want to have him to stay if she ever wants a break.

Yeah 100% and it's really not doing him any favours either. Kids need boundaries otherwise the grow up to be rude and spoiled and no one will like them. It's very unfair on the poor kid really

BlueBug45 · 04/07/2018 12:35

@Juells it is the sister who is unreasonable not the nephew. The nephew has to learn how to behave and if his mother is useless at that aspect, then the other adults in the house have to teach him.

billybagpuss · 04/07/2018 12:35

Honestly for your mums sake you need to stand up to your sister, it will mean shouting at DN tomorrow morning and it will mean shouting at her when she tries to pull you up on it.

She needs to know this is not ok and that he shouldn't be waking you or your mum up early and your sister needs to know that it is her responsibility to stop it.

Then yes, once you've had this altercation set up a star chart for DN and buy him the biggest noisiest drum you can afford when you leave so he can wake mummy up whenever he wants to.