Mum going on holiday without her child

[pinkwafercustardcream]

First of all I AM her friend before I get accused of slagging the woman off. If I wasn't I wouldn't be posting in here instead I'd be mentioning it to mutuals which I haven't.

So my friend has a gorgeous 2 year old daughter.

My friend works full time in a demanding job which requires trips away and lots of evening events.

She's now on her fourth holiday (excluding weekends away) with friends abroad without her daughter. I know she's not bu to go but I feel she is bu to want to.

This time flies by so fast and she's spends a lot of time working away from her daughter. I just can't get my head around her not wanting to spend this time off with her daughter.

This woman had even gone to Disneyland with friends whilst her child stayed at home.

Does she not like her child much or am I wrong please tell me because obviously i can't ask her that!

@Awwlookatmybabyspider and why shouldn't she? She works hard for it too.

Ok so not quite as bad then. Surely if you think a friend seems to be avoiding spending time with their child you would check it out with them to make sure they’re ok though.

So did/do I work hard as do all mums working or not. However your gallivanting days are well not over but reduced when you have children.

I just don't see how or why any truly loving parent would want to go away without their DC

I just don't see how anyone with a modicum of intelligence couldn't think of a reason.

@Awwlookatmybabyspider but why? As long as time,finances and childcare permit it of course. These are the main things preventing people from going even on weekends away,childfree weddings etc,much less holidays.

Taking 4 holidays in the first two years of your child's life is just wrong.
How old was DD when the first holiday was taken?
Factor in the weekends away, then that is still a lot of time away from a small child.
If dad is staying home and doing the childcare, then not so bad.

Does she not worry about DD getting ill when she's a 4 hour flight away.
Op, maybe your friend is struggling and these holidays is the way she copes.

Well that's pretty shit OP. Once is fine but four times?

I’d have loved to have been able to take a break from my kids when they were tiny! I’ve looked after my DGC while their respective parents have had holidays on their own when the kids were small.
I love Disneyland but I wouldn’t take a two year old there. My youngest was 12 before we went as a family. There’s a lot of queuing, it’s very hot, and a lot of the rides are unsuitable for small children

Personally, I work full time and want to spend as much time with my child as possible outside of that.

However, you are being unreasonable to judge this woman. As long as the child is well looked after then it is none of your business who is caring for her. If this woman was a rich celebrity her kids would probably spend most of their time cared for by nannies and no one would judge her. It would just be expected as the norm for people in that social circle. In fact in periods of history upper class mothers would delegate most of the childcare to hired help because it was seen as drudgery. You have no right to judge just because it is not the norm in your social circle for a woman to spend a lot of time away from her child.

Given that this woman works full time in a job that requires evening work and travel she’s probably exhausted and needs a break! I firmly believe that quality time is more important than quantity and if a few holidays helps this woman be a better parent then so be it.

And what if this woman does not have to work full time but wants to because either she enjoys her career or wants to earn more money? Does that make her a bad mother? Because that is what your post suggests.

I wonder if you’d complain if it was the husband who chose to pursue a demanding career and went on holidays with friends to unwind and/or spent his evenings and weekends out at the pub or doing sport or glued to the computer playing games? Although a lot of women do want to spend time with their kids, we should be encouraging men and women to take equal roles in parenting. As long as the child is well cared for and gets quality time with both parents then that is all that matters.

Disneyland would be wasted on a 2 year old

Nonsense! Took DD to Florida and spent 14 days doing parks when she was 2y 4m. Se loved it and couldn't get enough. Was August and she was totally fine. So much so she went again a couple of years later and have been several times since. Infact she was only 18m when she went to DLP and first began her love of theme parks and rides. The queue have never bothered her.

Likewise, my nephew was also 2y for his first visit to WDW and also loved it, choosing to spend long days doing rides without lots of days off between them. Two years later, he's back there at the moment having a whale of a time based on the photographs.

While not something I ever wanted to do myself - dd is now 16y and still love coming on holiday with me and dh and at present doesn't want to think about not coming - I can see why some people may choose to go away without their children. However, I think it is strange when its for more than a few days, and when its at the expense of a decent holiday for the whole family. No ay would I do a theme park without dd, even when smaller, as she has always loved them.

I would judge quietly - or to others. Would never post on here about it though.

I work and enjoy the time away from the kids. I have the occasional work trip where I have a couple of nights away.

I have had the best odd night away with DH.

I would love 3 or 4 days away but no more than that.

Most important thing to me is being a parent - everything else is 2nd.

Also how the hell does she manage 4 holidays away and multiple weekends l. I would love to have that much annual leave 😂

YANBU op. People will scream and shout at you on here that this woman 'deserves a break' but it sounds like she spends an awful lot of time away from her child for work (which is understandable) but then is also spending lots of time away outside of work. Im not against people having childfree time and even a holiday but 4 times when their child is 2years old...nah, too much. People can say I'm being unreasonable saying that but most would be thinking it too.

I just hope she doesn't regret the times she was away from her, each to their own I guess but I could never imagine leaving a kiddie and going on holiday myself. Once a year maybe.sounds pretty reasonable though not for me.but four times ahhh I just couldn't.

This is not an anonymous chat forum.type your own user name into Google and it will bring up every detailed comments you've ever made no matter how personal or if you were just sharing information to be kind... My friend made me Aware of this as she did it and found whole passages of her talking about her intimate times amongst other things.. so be warned its all there!

It sounds like she's not one for family life so maybe you just need to let her find other people who think it's normal.

I can imagine the potential misery of dragging a 2 year old around Disneyland. I'd much rather go on my own if I was her. With DS1 I did loads of stimulating and enriching days out and holidays. By the time DS2 came along I'd worked out that the average 2 year old is perfectly happy playing in a muddy puddle with stick and doesn't need loads of expensive and potentially stressful trips and days out.

What works for your friend and her family wouldn't be your choice OP and that's fine. You just need to loosen the elastic on your judgy pants a little bit.

*smallchanceofrain
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yes!

If this is her 4th holiday away and she’s always out, wtf have kids to dump them on everyone else? I see where the OP is coming from. 1 holiday away without kids if you don’t get a break any other time but she’s getting breaks all the time.
Yeah I’d be slagging her off online if she was my pal too.
What’s a holiday when you don’t take your kids with you?

What’s a holiday when you don’t take your kids with you?

A nice holiday?

Naw, somebody that dumps their kids here, there and everywhere aren’t having holidays they are having boozeups acting the single person life.

I know a woman that does this. Leaves husband and 3 kids at home and goes on several holidays per year alone. I think it’s bloody weird.

Ohhh single,wild and bar hopping at Disneyland! The depravity of it al!

I wouldn't say a holiday wasn't a holiday without my kids Id also say it would be a bloody good holiday but if you have children, I can't see how you would want to spend that long away from them. I have worked long hours and have also worked in a job where I have been abroad for up to a week at a time. To be honest, it was work hard during the day, but unbroken sleep at night, drinking in the bar, going out for dinner with colleagues in the evening without worrying about babysitters, some sitting in a jacuzzi in a nice hotel. That's break enough from the 24/7 grind of childcare anyway- I didn't then need or want another week away from my children. I was desperate to go away before I went, but I missed them when I was away. Maybe she's not coping with parenthood that well. No one knows what its like until they have done it.

I wouldn't do it. Work full time and then spend your time off away from your child? I guess she's the one who won't have the bond with her daughter, but I agree OP, seems like she doesn't enjoy being a parent.
I've had a holiday away from my daughter, but then I'm with her most of the rest of the time and it was for a conference in an area full of forest fires. I still felt terribly guilty.