Mum going on holiday without her child

[pinkwafercustardcream]

First of all I AM her friend before I get accused of slagging the woman off. If I wasn't I wouldn't be posting in here instead I'd be mentioning it to mutuals which I haven't.

So my friend has a gorgeous 2 year old daughter.

My friend works full time in a demanding job which requires trips away and lots of evening events.

She's now on her fourth holiday (excluding weekends away) with friends abroad without her daughter. I know she's not bu to go but I feel she is bu to want to.

This time flies by so fast and she's spends a lot of time working away from her daughter. I just can't get my head around her not wanting to spend this time off with her daughter.

This woman had even gone to Disneyland with friends whilst her child stayed at home.

Does she not like her child much or am I wrong please tell me because obviously i can't ask her that!

I’ve 3 SDCs and their DM, despite only having them part time, has in the past had holidays abroad on time when the DCs are scheduled to be with her, which I put down to perhaps limited availability for activities (think organised yoga retreats - I’m guessing, not certain, as she told us she was going on a work training course... that one got rumbled at the school gates). Sometimes they come to us, sometimes she has other family or friends cover, occasionally overnight childcare. Fine, we get to see them more.

But she also went on holiday with just ONE of the DCs. They’re all within 18 months of each other, so it wasn’t an age appropriate thing. It was pure, unashamed favouritism :( its nice to get one-on-one time... but a week in a tropical high-end location with friends?

Clarkl2 completely agree, that's why when my dd was born I left her at the hospital with a bag of crisps and a fiver and told her to pop round to see me once she was able to conduct a sensible conversation.

My dad took his girlfriend to Disney world without me when I was a child. I was devastated tbh. I was a bit older than 2 though.

It's her choice and not your business. BUT I'd think the same tbh... No problem with holidays away from your kids but I wouldn't do it unless I was taking my children away for a holiday too. I suppose you just need to live and let live tho op x

I go on holiday every year without my kids for a week. My family have them and they are safe and well cared for.

I also take them away for atleast 2 weeks every year - disney world is saved to go with them (though now theyve been a few times i wouldnt say no to going without them) and regular weekend trips and days out.

Im a single parent. I need time away from them and id rather have family have them for a week so i can properly relax and appreciate the time than have them one night at a time every couple of months.

If that makes me a terrible parent im ok with that. Im happy with my choices

I agree with you OP. Time goes so fast and they change so much at that age. What a pity she doesn't want to share her holidays with her daughter. No one would begrude a weekend get away is fbut working full time and four holidays - my heart would ache.

Your friend must have a pretty decent holiday allowance to go away that many times!

Clarkl2 completely agree, that's why when my dd was born I left her at the hospital with a bag of crisps and a fiver and told her to pop round to see me once she was able to conduct a sensible conversation.

Now mine are older the thought of a holiday with a two year old sounds like hell so I don’t think she is being unreasonable at all.

FFS - it’s not like she’s booking her into a cattery with twenty other abandoned toddlers.

Yes life passes quickly. Maybe this is why she’s juggling a career, motherhood and herself? She’s living a full and rewarding life.

The daughter is not suffering from her mother taking time out to recharge herself - in fact she might be a better mum for it being fulfilled in her work and personal life, rather than sitting on mumsnet moaning about other people having more fun than her and judging.

My parents went on a jolly every year and we LOVED IT. Our grandparents came to stay for the week and we had pancakes for breakfast and far too much spoiling. After a week away shagging each other somewhere hot, my hard working and very loving parents were happier together and we grew up respecting that they were important too.

YABU

Said from beach WiFi on holiday without my child.

I don't understand it, but it doesn't make her a bad person.
The reason I don't understand it is I'd have found it too much of a wrench. The first time we went away without our children was for our 10th wedding anniversary. Our children were 8 and 6 years old and stayed with their grandparents. I burst into tears when we arrived at our hotel and rang them. They were as happy as anything and almost too busy to speak to us :D I was glad and very relieved.

I’m not sleeping, and have a 2 hour drive to collect step kids for a week tomorrow. Sounds so horrible but the closer it’s getting the more and more I am dreading it. My partner is picking up on this too as he says I’m never interested in talking about the coming down. Don’t get me wrong I have days out planned with them, done a big food shop etc but we currently haven’t got tax credits as they reckon we owe them £2000 as they haven’t taken into account the £3800 I had to minus for maternity. But I messaged their mum other day asking her to get them to choose items from a menu as we need to pre order being 12 of us. She instantly replied with ‘ xxx doesn’t want anything of the large kids menu. And we do always let her have the adult menu now’.... so I didn’t want to argue and simply replied ‘fine please ask xxx to pick something of the main menu and I’ll sort the difference out it’s not a problem’. My step dad is paying and with the kids deal xxx would get dessert and drink included whereas with the adults wouldn’t and may not be able to have to dessert like the other kids as I am not wanting to take the piss out my stepdads generosity when he’s only met them 3 times. She then replied ‘I don’t see the issue with xxx having the adult menu you guys are making xxx have kids everywhere just to save money to go on days out with the two boys living with you and I have told Xxx this and xxx isn’t to accept you guys telling to have a kids meal.’

Now I am obviously just concerned at how much they are going to play up, my routine with the boys and partner will just go out the window. We are now being made to kick my son out of his bedroom move the cot into our room so then my stepkids can have his room as again the BM kicked off (but this Is the first time they have stayed since Christmas we don’t want a empty room.) and we were going to give them the lounge every night and we would have gone to bed early as we bought them these ready beds. and has now told them that daddy has a holiday booked abroad next year without them, he went Peppa Pig world without them and now won’t buy their school shoes so we have already had tantrums on the phone from them.

We said to her if we had the money we will sort out their school shoes, as she only likes them having Clark’s, when they are down. However because they stopped tax credits whilst re doing it we are about £600 short this month. But as he has already promised them these days out I can’t really stop them now. I don’t have anything I can sell to even make some extra cash. We use to always pay half unforom, fair maintenance resulting in extra weeks some months but as she claimed it wasn’t enough she went csa and has been left worse off.

Just feeling she has pushed that she is allowing them to stay this summer but has done all she can to sabotage it from the start.

Any help, advice I desperately need sleep! Feel like such a failure as we had been getting on well when o had been goinb up Fridays to see them and had sorted out their dad but feel like this will be a huge step back.

Sorry thought I was starting a new thread!

You don't sound like a very good friend, to be honest! When my son was little, he used to stay with my mum while we went away for weekends or Monday - Fridays. Did this right up until he was 4-years-old. Gave us a chance to spend time together, gave my mum a chance to spend time with him.
He was young, he had a set routine at bedtime and it made no difference to him whatsoever.
You need to keep your nose out of your friend's business.

I have a woman at work who gives me so much judgement and shit when she discovers I'm going away for a long weekend with the girls (most of it involves my hobby or training)

It's totally dickish. Keep your nose out of it, why the hell does it bother you so much!? I am a mum, but still me. My children are seeing me work hard and I most certainly do holidays with them too!

I go away every year by myself, leaving my 2 kids with my husband. I do this for my own sanity - I have a demanding job and find the time totally alone sets me up well for the coming year. Sometimes I go away locally for a short period (eg camping for a few nights), but I have been abroad before for up to 2 weeks (I'm lucky to have some flexibility with leave). I love my kids, and I do holiday with them regularly. I find holidaying alone excellent for my mental health and I'm not sorry for doing it. And if a friend judged me as a bad mother for it, I'd probably understand their position - while not caring a whit for their view.

Holidays abroad with a 2 year old are a bit pointless imo. The child won't remember it, it's a very demanding age and often they are still in nappies and you end up spending the week running around after the 2 year old so it's not really a holiday, just the same work in a different country.

Good for her if she goes away and takes a child free break.

We took our two dc abroad when they were 2 and 4, they don't remember it. We also went to America when they were about the same age without them, they don't remember.

I can't afford a holiday now but I have no intentions of going abroad again until my dd is late teens and can really enjoy it.

We want to go to Tokyo, if we get there our child will be staying with my mother. It's fine.

I think an occasional trip away isn't a big deal if your child can stay with a relation or friend they know very well. That said if you work long hours then spend multiple holidays away every year without your young child you're not going to be spending enough time with them and your bond and relationship will suffer.

I am keeping my beak out by posting it on an anonymous Internet forum rather than saying anything to people who we both know in real life or posting on a whatsapp group we are both in.

No you're not keeping your beak out at all? I'm not sure why it concerns you so much, it's not like she's leaving her child with you when she goes away!

None of your business at all.