Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum going on holiday without her child

321 replies

pinkwafercustardcream · 03/07/2018 12:48

First of all I AM her friend before I get accused of slagging the woman off. If I wasn't I wouldn't be posting in here instead I'd be mentioning it to mutuals which I haven't.

So my friend has a gorgeous 2 year old daughter.

My friend works full time in a demanding job which requires trips away and lots of evening events.

She's now on her fourth holiday (excluding weekends away) with friends abroad without her daughter. I know she's not bu to go but I feel she is bu to want to.

This time flies by so fast and she's spends a lot of time working away from her daughter. I just can't get my head around her not wanting to spend this time off with her daughter.

This woman had even gone to Disneyland with friends whilst her child stayed at home.

Does she not like her child much or am I wrong please tell me because obviously i can't ask her that!

OP posts:
Turnitaroundagain · 04/07/2018 18:05

It’s logical that to learn how to deal with your child you have to get to know him/her and for that you need to be there for them a lot. But to be fair parenthood can be a shock and there are stages in our child’s lives that we find difficult, I loved the baby years but didn’t do so well with the age 3,4’s maybe your friend will be the opposite, I’ve had a few friends who have struggled with the very early years but really made up for it by being fantastic later on. I know it’s hard to understand when you ar not like that but all you can do is be aware of it and be understanding and supportive if you can.

Theluckynumberthree · 04/07/2018 18:07

I would think the same as you op- I can’t get my head parents going abroad without children. Children are my responsibility and I chose to have them. I’d rather not have a holiday then have one ( or 4) in this case without them.

They may not remember at but given the mums demanding role and being away from her dd then this would def affect their relationship.

Properjob · 04/07/2018 18:08

I suppose the main thing is the child contented with a stable carer that she knows, whether family or professional. The child will be used to carers if that's what she is used to.Affluent people have nannies don't they, look at the Royals (yeah, and how damaged are they right?) . Personally I understand your POV OP but if this were a man we were talking about, well.....(oh just realised there are over 200 posts this will all have been said already...)

RebelRogue · 04/07/2018 18:10

@M3lon that's because children in care are often harmed even in the womb(substance abuse for example). Children in care in most cases are in care because of awful reasons neglect, abuse(emotional,physical,sexual). Surely it's no surprise that they don't do "as well".

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 04/07/2018 18:15

Leaving your 2 year old every day,on weekends and holidays is not normal maternal behavior.
Those Moms are missing out on more than they will ever know.And their children are missing out as well.It's pretty sad actually😢.

The80sweregreat · 04/07/2018 18:15

I’ve known people to do this ( only once or twice though) I used to envy them a bit if I’m honest! Everyone’s different.

RebelRogue · 04/07/2018 18:17

@Mymomsbetterthanyomom leaving your child everyday to go to work?

3luckystars · 04/07/2018 18:18

My daughter went to Disneyland at 2 and she does remember it, we have lovely photos too.

chrisinthesun · 04/07/2018 18:20

You definitely sound very jealous. Mind your own business.

Mumto2two · 04/07/2018 18:20

Totally agree with you OP. And sorry for all the harsh comments you seem to have had in response.
I also have friends who regularly holiday without their kids, some who also work long hours away from home. Sometimes they actually moan about how much they need a break from them, which I really find odd.
I guess it’s easy when you have family on tap to offload, but even if I had family alive, I wouldn’t be in the least bit interested. We love our family holidays together, and there is nothing we can’t do with them, that we would want to do alone.

Oct18mummy · 04/07/2018 18:20

Sometimes these things happen- I have four weddings this year and four hen dos I can’t/won’t be taking my DD on therefore am I a bad parent or are these things seasonal- next year and last year I have none

Missbrick1 · 04/07/2018 18:22

I think it’s fine to have holidays without DC. Before my eldest turned 3 I had a long weekend break away with friends & a week away with DH. However I left him with family & wouldn’t have used paid childcare so to speak. But each to their own, perhaps when she is there she is incredibly present unlike me who is mumsnetting while the kids are in the bath!

Missbrick1 · 04/07/2018 18:25

Now DC2 is 1 I cant wait for a weekend away without them both!

expatka · 04/07/2018 18:29

I for one would be really hurt if my mother had done this to me as a child

Did what to you? Gave herself a break while giving you an opportunity to become independent and socialised? My parents had plenty of breaks without me when I was that age (I don't remember specifics as I was too young but I remember going on holiday to Grandad's and LOVING it). And as a result I am a highly independent adult with a very close and loving relationship with my parents but who has been able to travel and live and have adventures around the world on my own without ever feeling insecure about it.

This woman is not doing something terrible to her child, you might want to consider whether your own might grow up with attachment/abandonment issues though if you think any time apart is so awful! (and if that feels judgy to you, maybe you should reconsider your treatment of your "friend").

Moreisnnogedag · 04/07/2018 18:29

I totally get having child free holidays and if I could palm my dc off to someone I’d love to go on holiday with just DH and me. I have to stay at work a lot (at least once or twice a week) do get the needing a break but it’s all a bit much, especially since she’s not even going with her husband. Whilst I think the woman is perfectly entitled to do what she wants, I’d be a bit hmm at any parent (man or woman) opting out of family life so much.

OllyBJolly · 04/07/2018 18:31

Disneyland is for children. It is

It's really not. Especially not at 2.

I don't think I've seen so many unhappy, tired, fractious children in one place as I've seen in Disneyworld.

Moreisnnogedag · 04/07/2018 18:32

@expatka but kids can be like that without needing their parents to go away without them. My parents never had a holiday without us (I think largely due to finances Grin) and I’m independent person, including living in a different continent to my parents from 18 and not being phased.

lily2403 · 04/07/2018 18:36

@W0rriedmum
Post that your exDH is going to Disney without your child and everyone will say he's awful to go away with the child.

Post that your DH is off on his 4th holiday without the family, you'll get a sympathetic hearing.

Post that a FRIEND is doing the same, and you'll get slammed.

^totally agree

I wouldn’t do it by I know plenty that do, out every weekend dumping children on others etc
Children are for life not just for Christmas Grin

Rachie1973 · 04/07/2018 18:37

What’s a holiday when you don’t take your kids with you?

Perfect!

Theluckynumberthree · 04/07/2018 18:40

I took my son to Disney at 2 , he absolutely loved it. There were lots of toddlers there having a lovely time.

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 04/07/2018 18:41

you parent differently. She needs time apart... Are the child's needs being met. My mum wasn't a hands on mum, used to drop me off a lot... I quite liked being away from her... says a lot really....

SilverDoe · 04/07/2018 18:43

Honestly I work part time while mine are so little because it seems to be too much on them, and I'd miss them to death after a few days :(
I always thought when they were old enough to have a better concept of time and separation that I'd be okay to go a few days somewhere just me and DH, but multiple holidays sound like a big stretch, especially if working away.

BUT, this woman obviously feels completely the opposite to me. Although it does make me baulk a bit because I feel so polar opposite, I completely understand why people feel the need to take a break. As long as her daughter is alright and being taken care of, then I wouldn't say anything - what could you really say? Maybe she thinks 2 is too little to remember things, but I remember a beach holiday at 2 and my daughter (3) remembers her second birthday vividly. Have you asked her if she is alright? BEcause it could be, high flying woman who balances work and family and makes time for herself, or it could also be, woman working long hours frazzled and struggling with being a parent. Maybe just be a friend and make sure she's alright

WTFiswrongwithpeople · 04/07/2018 18:45

Reading these posts make me wonder what kind of friends you are. Do you all agree with every choice your friends make in life? Do you all sit there and say you look fab in that dress when you know she looks shit? Are you too afraid to have an opinion because you may be deemed ‘judgey’ or jealous? Love the way these phrases are just bandied around.... The OP is using this as an outlet because she knows it’s none of her business.

Personally I’d love a holiday with my DH on our own or with friends but the ones we’ve had so far have been with the kids because we don’t have anyone to look after them and I love seeing them enjoy themselves and experience new things no matter how old or young they are.

She may not have bonded with her daughter- not all mums do. It’s something she may or may not think is a problem. Yes I agree that it’s odd that it seems she doesn’t spend enough time with her daughter and chooses to go away without her - 4 holidays in what period of time? I’d like to think she does have other holidays with her but that doesn’t seem to be clear. And the DH? Well we’re not talking about him are we?

Shell4429 · 04/07/2018 18:47

I agree with OP I’m afraid. When my son was 14 (he’s ASD) my bf persuaded me to leave him with his Dad and go to Florida for seven days. I was utterly miserable and couldn’t stop thinking about how many miles separated me from my son.

kitchenrollinrollinrollin · 04/07/2018 18:55

this woman obviously feels completely the opposite to me

Shouldn't it be about how the child feels, though? How the child copes with it? Bearing in mind that they're all different and infinitely more vulnerable than their parents.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.