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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum going on holiday without her child

321 replies

pinkwafercustardcream · 03/07/2018 12:48

First of all I AM her friend before I get accused of slagging the woman off. If I wasn't I wouldn't be posting in here instead I'd be mentioning it to mutuals which I haven't.

So my friend has a gorgeous 2 year old daughter.

My friend works full time in a demanding job which requires trips away and lots of evening events.

She's now on her fourth holiday (excluding weekends away) with friends abroad without her daughter. I know she's not bu to go but I feel she is bu to want to.

This time flies by so fast and she's spends a lot of time working away from her daughter. I just can't get my head around her not wanting to spend this time off with her daughter.

This woman had even gone to Disneyland with friends whilst her child stayed at home.

Does she not like her child much or am I wrong please tell me because obviously i can't ask her that!

OP posts:
Whipsmart · 03/07/2018 13:09

I think it's quite bizarre to spend that much time away from your child, it's like they don't have a bond. But this is mumsnet so everyone has to fall over themselves to claim it's totally normal and saying anything different is "judgey".

Thymelord · 03/07/2018 13:10

You and I both know exactly why you used the word gorgeous in your OP. Don't try and trip me up with your nonsense thanks.

daffodillament · 03/07/2018 13:10

As long as the kids are well looked after and are OK with it, don't know why you can't be OK with it too ? She may well look back and regret all the time she has spent away but that's her problem not yours.

Original poster
pinkwafercustardcream · 03/07/2018 13:11

No @Thymelord why don't you tell me what I meant?

OP posts:
SharronNeedles · 03/07/2018 13:11

A 2yo won't get anything out of Disneyland. I adore Disney and I'm an adult. I love rides, love all the films and the characters etc. Disney is not just for children.

DailyMailFail101 · 03/07/2018 13:11

It’s not really any of your business, yes I find it odd too and i wouldn’t dream of leaving my children and going off on holiday without them but some people do... my sister in law has just left her 5month old for a week, I couldn’t imagine doing that but she has and everybody is different.

Graphista · 03/07/2018 13:12

"I wouldn't say anything but I would certainly think it. Most people would no matter what they all claim on here."

This

I wouldn't say anything, but I would find it very hard to stay friends as this is way beyond my normality and we'd have little in common.

It sounds like she has to be away for work a lot anyway, I know and am friends with women in that position BUT they make the most of their free time to spend WITH their families.

Child may only be little but at this age they are forming bonds and honestly with my knowledge and experience I'd not be surprised if the parent/child relationship here weren't permanently damaged.

It's not something I can understand. But it's true it's none of your business.

WeShouldBeFriends · 03/07/2018 13:12

I really, really hate the 'they won't remember it' comments. Just because they might not remember it when they are an adult does not stop them (possibly) being distressed while it's happening.

Figgygal · 03/07/2018 13:14

I admit i would wonder why she isn't spending all this away time with her other half and the family unit rather than friends and it isn't typical but if it works for them it isn't anyone elses business.

and dh and i left our eldest for a week to go on holiday when he was 3 he had a week in his own home with Granny and loved having the time with her. He's not great in the heat and it was 42 degrees where we were it worked out all round.

BarbaraofSevillle · 03/07/2018 13:14

Maybe she works to put a roof over her DDs head and food on the table etc?

Where is the father in all this? If there's 'a lot of overnight childcare' then he must also be a 'terrible parent' if he's swanned off too rather than staying home spending time with his DD?

Even if her work takes her away a lot and she has the holidays, she probably still spends most of her non working time with her DD anyway and work is what it is, you have to do what you have to do to get the job done.

Thymelord · 03/07/2018 13:14

You added an emotive word to your OP in the hopes that people would agree with you. This gorgeous ikkle two year old has a monster of a mother who goes to WORK and goes to DISNEYLAND without her gorgeous child. You were hoping that those descriptors would get people to agree with you. No doubt some will be along shortly who do.

Sadly my lunch break is over and I must go back to working full-time and neglecting my GORGEOUS children.

People like you need a hobby, you really do.

Talith · 03/07/2018 13:15

YABU - I bet she enjoys the time with her DD more because she's frequently refreshed and not frazzled (I don't remember the terrible twos being a halycon time of hallmark moments)... Grin

As long as the DD isn't left at home to fend for herself it's really not a big deal.

BossPeeBeePee · 03/07/2018 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

viques · 03/07/2018 13:16

So what is best for the gorgeous 2 year old? Loads of 1-1 time with her harassed and tired mum who works all hours at a presumably demanding job, then being taken to strange places that she doesn't really appreciate on "holiday" because otherwise her mother is seen as a bad parent.

Or time split between a rested and revived mum and other people who love and care for her staying in familiar places with her own toys and possessions.. I know which I would choose.

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 03/07/2018 13:16

Yanbu.
Obviously you can't say anything, but I agree it seems a sad situation.

Mrsharrison · 03/07/2018 13:17

Yes it's not a case of remembering. It's about forging the bond.
I hear a lot about working mums and guilt. But this lady seems to have no such problem.
She sounds odd to NOT want to spend holiday time with her child.
One holiday out of four without her dd is fine. Four out of four is plain selfish.

user546425732 · 03/07/2018 13:17

To be fair, Disneyland would be wasted on a 2 year old & much more fun with a group of adults....

I took my 2 year old to Disney years ago, she loved it. I was less keen as going on It's a Small World about 20 million times lost it's appeal fairly soon Grin

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 03/07/2018 13:17

Maybe the mum needs the holidays to look after her mental health, it must be pretty full on for her. Many people wouldn't bat an eyelid if a dad was doing the same.

sonlypuppyfat · 03/07/2018 13:17

A weekend away with friends is fine, but no going away without your child is bloody odd

trulybadlydeeply · 03/07/2018 13:17

I absolutely love even one night away without my two! Sadly that's not going to happen.

As she has a job which means she is away for trips and for evening events, it is probably easier for her, both emotionally and practically, to have holidays away without her daughter. Emotionally - they are used to being apart from each other. This does not mean that they are not very close, but that they are used to spending time apart without either of them becoming upset. Practically - she must either have a partner available and flexible for looking after their daughter, or they have good, flexible child care in place for work purposes, to enable them to have demanding jobs, therefore to extend this to cover holidays would not be too much more effort.

Regardless, as long as their daughter is happy and well cared for, there is no problem at all. You should be able to choose to parent how you wish to, OP, without pressure from others, however you must also allow others to do so. We all make choices as parents that others may consider wrong, but that does not make us right and others wrong, or vice versa.

Fivelittleduckies · 03/07/2018 13:17

How ludicrous - do you really need to come and post on a forum about this?! If you don’t agree with it, then don’t agree with it. You need to justify your judginess by soliciting support from strangers? Because you’re so kind as to not bitch to people that personally know her?
Some friend... Confused

Cismyass · 03/07/2018 13:17

I wouldn't but wouldn't judge simeone who did.

BlueBug45 · 03/07/2018 13:18

OP you aren't her.

I have female family members who took holidays without their children. Granted they were older than 2 as they didn't have the money then.

I also have female friends I've gone away with for weekends without their very young children.

In all cases the children have their dad, and going away makes the dad bond more with their children. It is amusing as if the child falls over/is upset the child will call out for either parent randomly.

Badbadtromance · 03/07/2018 13:18

What about the father. Would you say the same if he went away

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 03/07/2018 13:18

Thymelord, there is a massive difference between working full time and leaving your kid behind when you go off on your jollies. Dont be disingenuous.

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