Mum going on holiday without her child

[pinkwafercustardcream]

First of all I AM her friend before I get accused of slagging the woman off. If I wasn't I wouldn't be posting in here instead I'd be mentioning it to mutuals which I haven't.

So my friend has a gorgeous 2 year old daughter.

My friend works full time in a demanding job which requires trips away and lots of evening events.

She's now on her fourth holiday (excluding weekends away) with friends abroad without her daughter. I know she's not bu to go but I feel she is bu to want to.

This time flies by so fast and she's spends a lot of time working away from her daughter. I just can't get my head around her not wanting to spend this time off with her daughter.

This woman had even gone to Disneyland with friends whilst her child stayed at home.

Does she not like her child much or am I wrong please tell me because obviously i can't ask her that!

*you're

If this were a divorced/separated Dad we were talking about, people would fall over themselves to gush over how much time he did spend with his child and how marvellous he was. They wouldn't be pointing out the few weeks of the year that he didn't see her and saying how awful it was.

I love my kids to death and am very close to them, but the idea of a short holiday without them sounds bloody wonderful tbh! I'm always the one who takes them abroad or wherever as it is too much hard work for their Dad. I'd jump at the chance to get some time away - doesn't mean I''d be missing out on them growing up or that I love them any less!

Does she not like her child much or am I wrong please tell me because obviously i can't ask her that!

1 - you are wrong
2 - you should DEFINITELY ask her yourself, because I'd wanna know if anyone I knew and misguidedly considered a friend was this judgemental about things that are absolutely NONE of their business.

Mirrivan are you quite hard of thinking usually, or is it just the heat?

Can't think of any 2yo I've know who would have enjoyed Disneyland. My dd would have been absolutely petrified, ds would just have fallen asleep.

I always holidayed with my dc, but I would not have taken them to Disneyland. Quiet museums with statues of Roman emperors, fine. Romanesque cathedrals, fine. But a place heaving with dressed-up people and rides they're not allowed to go on- absolute nightmare.

For an older child, yes absolutely. But at 2, mine would have been far too young.

How strange. When I've seen other threads where the OP indicates she's thinking of going away sans small child (eg a skiing holiday), she gets pasted for her selfishness. At best, posters will say it's OK if OP wants to do it but it wouldn't be for them!

The difference here is that it's a random person posting about someone else and what that person does or doesn't do with her own child.

Personally, I found the judgement annoying as women are constantly judged and criticised for working, not working, spending too little time with kids, spending too much time with them, and a million other things that women do wrong as only a woman could.

If it were affecting the OP and they'd said that, I doubt anyone would have told her to butt out, but I'm sure many of the PPs have been judged on their parenting choices at times and it sucks, so people are naturally going to leap to the defence of a mother who's not here to defend herself who we're only seeing through someone else's eyes.

Sorry, but I think I too would (silently) be a bit judgey about this, although I'd keep my opinions to myself as it would be none of my business. I work ft, have a 19mo and enjoy the odd evening out, but would struggle to leave her more frequently and for longer periods to go on holiday without her. But that's me.

I think it's quite bizarre to spend that much time away from your child, it's like they don't have a bond.

I bet they do. Bond don't mean you have to see someone every single day.
I've got friends who holiday without their children every year (obviously they do a family hol too)

My parents also went away a few times a year without us, i don't recall being upset and i certainly didn't feel unloved or forgotten!

I don't think you ABU at all. . Four trips abroad without the little one, not counting weekends?
A 2 year old would probably love a couple of days on a UK beach, paddling and playing in the sand. I know my very little Gdcs do when anyone takes them, even just for the day.

As for Disney, plenty of adults do go without kids. I had a colleague who went just with her dh every year. However it would be wasted on a 2 year old - they need to be at least 5 or 6 to appreciate it properly/get their money's worth IMO.

I can't help wondering whether reactions here would be the same if it were a dad choosing to take so many child-free trips away.

The underlying thought seems to me to be: "But she's a mother. How can she BEAR to be away from her precious child?"

Well, some mothers can bear it. And even like it, now and then. And you may find it hard to believe, but it's even healthy for the mother-child relationship.

TBH any kind of holiday with very small kids is bloody nightmare until they're older than about 5 or 6. I remember camping with a 9 month old. That ended well .

I agree with other posters that presumably she's spending time just her and her dad - that's incredibly valuable time spent!

There's a staggering amount of dads who bugger off on sports trips and extended work trips and we just suck it up as the way it is. Switch the roles and the woman's some sort of sybarite.

@Edinburgh not all women judge other women ....i couldn't give a shit what shoes you wear, what you do for a job or what you've named your kids. Each to their own.

Parenting is hard enough as it is without other people's shitty judgmental attitudes.

I agree with you that it's poor parenting, OP. A two year old should be able to count on a primary caregiver being around much more than that. Having children involves making sacrifices sometimes. However I think you're right not to mention it to her. If she hasn't 'got it' to want to be with her DD, no amount of judgement will help.

Yanbu to work so often away and any free time to keep spending anywhere your child isn’t is not nice, regardless of what people on here say!!

If you was posting your husband works away tons and has had four trips away, one including Disneyland where he didn’t take his daughter so he went with mates, mumsnet would be calling him all sorts and telling you to LTB.

Sometimes as a mother you can get away with anything when it comes to things like this.

I can't help wondering whether reactions here would be the same if it were a dad choosing to take so many child-free trips away.

I doubt someone would bother to start a thread to discuss the merits of the choice of a male friend's decision to work hard and have some child-free holidays when it doesn't affect them in any way, tbh.

The child would probably notice the absence less if mum is usually away with work anyway. However presumably 4 holidays would have used up a lots of her annual leave? In which case yanbu - I'd be thinking the same, surely she'd want some time as a family/with her dad. If it's 4 since the child's wa born then maybe that's different, would still leave plenty of at home holiday time. I'd say exactly the same about a dad taking 4 holidays away from child fwiw.

With her dd

Yanbu the mother sounds incredibly selfish.

@kitchen It's not poor parenting...seriously it's not. I've seen poor parenting so unless there's something the OP isn't telling us i can assure you that in no way is this classed as poor parenting.

Just because it's not how you choose to parent doesn't mean it's wrong.
Maybe dad is primary caregiver? Who knows? And what do you mean by hasn't 'got it'?? Just because she enjoys some child free time doesn't mean she doesn't want to spend time with her DD.

So many unbelievably judgmental attitudes on here....it's a disgrace.

It's probably what they are both used to. Makes no difference to the child if mum is away with work or on a holiday,it's part of her routine. Mum is probably used to being away too. Nothing wrong with that.

I couldn't do it because in 6 years I haven't spent more than 4 nights away from DD (2 were in hospital) and that's what we are used to. Nothing wrong with this either.

People live and love differently.

I agree with you that it's poor parenting, OP. A two year old should be able to count on a primary caregiver being around much more than that. Having children involves making sacrifices sometimes.

Laughable!
It sounds like this little girl has TWO primary caregivers - it's ever more common these days. Most of my friends have 50/50 care with their husbands. The girl is left WITH HER DAD.

Personally, I found the judgement annoying as women are constantly judged and criticised for working, not working, spending too little time with kids, spending too much time with them, and a million other things that women do wrong as only a woman could.

Exactly and I noticed there's no mention of the father besides to say they're still together so he's either going with her but getting none of the criticism for doing the same or hew's looking after the child while she's away so what's the problem?

A two year old should be able to count on a primary caregiver being around much more than that

How do you know that the father isn't the primary caregiver, by the sounds of it the mother works full time, no mention of whether the father does or not

For fear of a flaming I agree with you OP

Though I don’t leave mine ever, they came on honeymoon with us!