Mum going on holiday without her child

[pinkwafercustardcream]

First of all I AM her friend before I get accused of slagging the woman off. If I wasn't I wouldn't be posting in here instead I'd be mentioning it to mutuals which I haven't.

So my friend has a gorgeous 2 year old daughter.

My friend works full time in a demanding job which requires trips away and lots of evening events.

She's now on her fourth holiday (excluding weekends away) with friends abroad without her daughter. I know she's not bu to go but I feel she is bu to want to.

This time flies by so fast and she's spends a lot of time working away from her daughter. I just can't get my head around her not wanting to spend this time off with her daughter.

This woman had even gone to Disneyland with friends whilst her child stayed at home.

Does she not like her child much or am I wrong please tell me because obviously i can't ask her that!

Absolutely none of your business. You sound very judgmental.

Would you feel the same if if was a dad you were talking about??

I've heard that some parents spend 33 WEEKS a year away from their kids by sending them to boarding school.

Some kids live in different countries to their parents for their whole young lives.

Personally I could cope with a few holidays.

I would judge a mother or father doing this, yes. I hope the child is happily left, and I'd love a weekend away now and then - but multiple longer holidays, no way.

When my kids were little, we always made a point of having at least one break without them per year. If we could have afforded more, we would have done it. This was actively encouraged by my parents (in fact, on a couple of occasions, they paid for it) who looked after the kids while we were gone. They've done the same for my brother and sister's families. You get a proper break, the kids have a great time with grandma and grandpa. Looking back, they were objectively 'better' holidays than the ones we had with the kids, because I was just me, not mummy.

Your friend would be considered perfectly normal in my family.

Well I do this. 4 or 5 times a year for at least a week at a time. My DD is 6, me and her dad are divorced and she spends this time with her dad. I admit this is a different situation to the one in the OP, but I don't care if people think im a bad person. Just shove off with your judging - everyone has reasons for doing what they do, and as long as the child is well looked after I really don't see the problem

I don't understand why you are getting such a tough time on here OP. It is a lot of time to be away from a young child when as you say she is also away with work.

But then again it is her life and her choice so there isn't really anything to be done about it.

I feel incredibly guilty for having to work three days away from my one year old when with my first two circumstances meant i could afford to be a SAHM.

@edinburgh who are you to judge? It doesn't have an impact on your life at all. Everyone parents differently and as long as the child is cared for it's nobody else's business.

@pinkwafercustardcream who needs enemies when there's 'friends' like you?

Does it effect your life in any way?
Because if not, then keep your nose out.

Disneyland is for children. It is. I don't see why a mother would go without her child. It is odd

I've seen loads of couples/adults at Disneyland who either don't have children, didn't bring them or have arranged childcare to go off without them.

It depends on what you're into, but there's lots at Disneyland for adults to do and some stuff that only adults and older kids can do. I thought my teens would be too old for it this year when we went but it was still fantastic!

Also, as a single parent, I've taken my DC on a few holidays when they were little that were wasted on them as they were too young to remember appreciate it. If I'd had childcare, there are a few times I would have liked to have had a holiday with just my adult friends.

It doesn't mean you don't like your child if you have a demanding job and have holidays with friends - it sounds a bit like you might be projecting if it's bothering you enough to start a thread about it.

A holiday with a two year old is enjoyable for neither the child nor the parents. Better for the parents to holiday separately, let the child have one on one bonding time with the other parent.

If she was a SAHM I'd think a holiday without her child was ok, but working full time and going without her takes the piss.

My kid is away from me every weekend and for weeks at a time in the holidays. It’s bliss!

If you're so concerned then message her on WhatsApp.
Tell her exactly how you feel about her having a break and 'not liking her child much.'

I imagine she's distance herself from you pretty quickly and you wouldn't have to worry about her poor, abandoned, gorgeous little girl anymore.

Blablaablaa I don't know them, I wouldn't walk up to someone and tell them I disagreed with their choices but in a purely theoretical way I don't agree with their actions - the same woman might look at me and judge my shoes or my career choice or the names I gave my children.

How strange. When I've seen other threads where the OP indicates she's thinking of going away sans small child (eg a skiing holiday), she gets pasted for her selfishness. At best, posters will say it's OK if OP wants to do it but it wouldn't be for them!

We work full time. We take our kids on 3 holidays a year.
We also go on 2 or 3 holidays a year with friends, and sometimes we go away just the two of us! It’s absolutely none of your business! I also get to travel a lot for work.

DH and I go away without the kids at least 3-4 times a year for a long weekend/midweek break, and they regularly go to my parents for an overnight. We both work full time too, so they have gone to a childminder since they were 9 months old. They are happy, well adjusted, confident pre-teens and DH and I have a solid relationship because we occasionally manage to be a couple as well as co-parents.

YABU, OP, and experiencing a massive failure of imagination. Some people's identity is completely bound up in their children, some their work, some their faith, some their hobby and so on. Some people like a balance between some or all of these aspects. Just because your priorities are not the same as hers doesn't make yours wrong or hers; they're just different. You judging and making assumptions, though, well let's say you're not a great friend and leave it at that.

"If she was a SAHM I'd think a holiday without her child was ok, but working full time and going without her takes the piss."

Because mother's who work full time don't deserve time to themselves? What with, you know, already just being "part time" parents?

I posted earlier, but I agree that no-one can predict what the future holds in terms of their relationship.

I've know Parents who did this, but were excellent once the child got older. I've known Parents who never did anything without their children, but were terrible parents to their Teens/Adult children.

My DD is friends with Women from Zimbabwe and Nigeria. Their Parents came here and they were cared for, at least up till the age of ten, by their GGP's, as were their Siblings/Cousins. They don't have any less of a relationship with their Parents, when they reunited and now.

I'm closer to my youngest children, who I 'left' more (with my Mother), including for holidays, than my eldest, who I was a SAHM to.

How long are these holidays? If they are just a week and its her 4th holiday in over 2 years (so on average twice a year), its not that excessive and YABU to judge.

I couldn't have done it, no way.
It takes all sorts, but her dc will remember yes. I remember every holiday my dm took without me and it was horrible.

We only have half the story where is DF in all this.

Your a bit of a bitch, she isn’t unreasonable.

HTH